The Beauty of Simplicity

`` my daily journey. [#] `-

Wednesday, 30 July 2008

You. I detest you.

Detest every thing about you.

You disgust me.

Light my path
1:02:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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*Yawns*

I think I should start sleeping earlier. I've been staying up past 12am, on working nights. Bad me. I am feeling the after effects of my actions. Could hardly drag myself out of bed this morning.

Alright, I will sleep earlier tonight.

And that is that.

Hmm...wondering if we are meeting Ronny tonight. It is rather hard to meet up with him these days, with his classes, flight duties, IPP work and girlfriend.

But, I guess that is life...=) It is the same with my other friends too, all of us seemed to have gone down another route after parting ways in school. But, I make the effort to meet up with Shuhui, Angeline, Ronny, Jimmy, Sebastian & Alvin. These are the people whom I am closer to.

I miss being myself. I think, I have become weird. Not myself.

It is only with the above-mentioned people, Chunmei & Yam Pheng that I am truly myself. They don't make me feel small.

Looking forward to this Friday as Sebastian, Jimmy and I will be going to watch The Mummy 3. Though I am more than a tad disappointed that Rachel Weisz is not reprising her role.

Light my path
9:28:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Monday, 28 July 2008

Spiralling out of control.

Who's there to stop this fall?

Light my path
9:27:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Sunday, 27 July 2008

"You can't take back all the lies just because you finally told the truth."

Light my path
12:09:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Saturday, 26 July 2008

"I haven’t stopped loving you, it's just that my heart has learnt to live without your love."

-EOL

Light my path
10:48:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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“Will I forget this…as well?” Sakura whispered.

“Probably.” Sasuke answered.

“…will you remember?”

“…maybe.”

“Will you remind me when you return?”

“…hn.”

- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3517549/9/Sacrifice

Light my path
9:19:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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李圣杰 & 林隆璇 - 你那么爱她

直到爱消失你才懂得
去珍惜身边每个
美好风景
只是她早已离去
直到你想通她早已经
不再对你留恋
最后的你
开始了一段挣扎
你那么爱她
为甚么不把她留下
为甚么不说心里话
你深爱她
这是每个人都知道啊
你那么爱她
为甚么不把她留下
是不是你有深爱的
两个她
所以你不想再让自己
无法自拔

直到爱消失你才懂得
去珍惜身边每个
美好风景
只是她早已离去
直到你想通她早已经
不再对你留恋
最后的你
开始了一段挣扎
你那么爱她
为甚么不把她留下
为甚么不说心里话
你深爱她
这是每个人都知道啊
你那么爱她
为甚么不把她留下
是不是你有深爱的
两个她
所以你不想再让自己
无法自拔

你那么爱她
为甚么不把她留下
为甚么不说心里话
你深爱她
这是每个人都知道啊
你那么爱她
为甚么不把她留下
是不是你有深爱的
两个她
所以你不想再让自己
无法自拔

Light my path
2:22:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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李圣杰 - 手放开

我把自己关起来只留下一个阳台
每当天黑推开窗我对着夜幕发呆
看着往事一幕一幕
再次演出你我的爱
我把电视机打开听着别人的对白
也许那些故事可以给我一个交代
你要的爱我学不来
眼睁睁看情变坏人怔怔看情感概

不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白

我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋

最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌写着等待

不能给你未来我还你现在
安静结束也是另一种对待
当眼泪流下来伤已超载
分开也是另一种明白

我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋

最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌写着等待

我给你最后的疼爱是手放开
不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海
感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白
把爱收进胸前左边口袋

最后的疼爱是手放开
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪
感情就像候车月台有人走有人来
我的心是一个站牌写着等待

我把收音机打开听著别人的失败
哽咽的声音彷佛诉说著相同悲哀
你的依赖还在胸怀
我无法轻易推开我无法随便走开
感情中专心的人容易被伤害

Light my path
1:56:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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蔡旻佑 - 我可以

寄没有地址得信
这样得情绪有种距离
你放著谁的歌曲
是怎样的心情能不能说给我听

雨下得好安静
是不是你偷偷在哭泣
幸福真的不容易
在你的背景有我爱你

我可以陪你去看星星不用再多说明我就要和你在一起
我不想又再ㄧ次和你分离
我多麼想每一次的美丽是因为你

情没有地址得信
这样的情绪有种距离
你放著谁得歌曲
是怎样的心情能不能说给我听

雨下的好安静
是不是你偷偷在哭泣
幸福他真的不容易
在你的背景有我爱你

我可以陪你去看星星不用多说明
我就要和你在一起我不想又在一次和你分离
我多麼想每一次的美丽是因为你

我可以陪你去看星星不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起我不想又再ㄧ次和你分离
我多麼想每一次的美丽是因为你

Light my path
1:41:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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李圣杰 - 痴心绝对

想用一杯latte把你灌醉
好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味
你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会

看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会

为你付出那种伤心
你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己
爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪
明知道让你离开
他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到
奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会

明知道让你离开
他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到
奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

曾经我以为我自己会后悔
不想爱得太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪
为你作任何改变
也唤不回你对我的坚决

为你付出那种伤心
你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己
爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪
明知道让你离开
他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到
奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

Some of my favourite lines are:

暗恋的滋味
你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会

看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会

为你付出那种伤心
你永远不了解

为你落第一滴泪
为你作任何改变
也唤不回你对我的坚决

Light my path
12:43:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Monday, 21 July 2008

The Secrets of Happiness

Forget about money. Don't fret about youth. Acting happy is likely to make you happy.

There are happy people. Researchers at the National Institute on Aging found that well-being is strongly influenced by enduring characteristics of the individual. In a 10-year study, they found that, regardless of whether their marital status, job, or residence had changed, people with a happy disposition in 1973 were still happy in 1983. There's good news in these findings: Given the right disposition, in the face of difficulty, people can still find renewed happiness.

What makes for a happy disposition? Who are these people who stay basically up despite life's downs? There are four important traits of happy people:

I: Self-esteem: Happy People Like Themselves

During the 1980s, no topic in psychology was more researched than the self. Many reports showed the dividends of high self-esteem--in some University of Michigan studies of well-being in America, the best predictor of general life satisfaction was not satisfaction with family life, friendships, or income, but satisfaction with self. People who like and accept themselves feel good about life in general.

This will come as no surprise to anyone attuned to the pop psychology of our age. Self-help books exhort us to respect ourselves, to dwell on our good points, to be positive. Cut the self-pity. Stop the negative talk. To discover love, first love yourself. We've heard the message: In a 1989 Gallup poll, 85 percent of Americans rated "having a good self-image or self-respect" as very important; 0 percent rated it unimportant.

Actually, most of us have a good reputation with ourselves. In studies of self-esteem, even low-scoring people respond in the mid-range of scores. (A "low" self-esteem person responds to statements such as "I have good ideas" with a qualifying adjective such as "somewhat" or "sometimes.")

Moreover, one of the most provocative yet firmly established conclusions of social psychology concerns the potency of "self-serving bias." People accept more responsibility for good deeds than for bad, for successes than for failures. The question "What have I done to deserve this?" is one we ask of our troubles, not our successes--those we assume we deserve.

On nearly any subjective or socially desirable dimension, most people actually see themselves as better than average. We also remember and justify our past actions in self-enhancing ways, are quicker to believe more flattering descriptions of ourselves than unflattering ones, and overestimate the extent to which others support our opinions and share our foibles. For most of us, these "positive illusions" protect against anxiety and depression. All of us at some time do feel inferior--especially when comparing ourselves with those who are a step or two higher on the ladder of status, looks, or income. The deeper and more frequently we have such feelings, the more unhappy we are. Therefore, we function better with modest self-enhancing illusions.

A healthy self-esteem, then, is both positive and realistic. Because it is based on the genuine achievement of realistic ideals, and on feeling accepted for what one is, such self-esteem provides a strong foundation for enduring joy.

II: Optimism: Happy People Are Hope-Filled

Those who agree that "with enough faith, you can do almost anything" and that "when I undertake something new, I expect to succeed" may be a bit bubble-headed. But, for seeing the glass of life as half-full rather than half-empty, they are usually happier.

Optimists are also healthier. Several studies reveal that a pessimistic style of explaining bad events--saying, "It's my fault, it's going to last, and it's going to undermine everything"--makes us more vulnerable to illness. Harvard graduates who were most pessimistic when interviewed in 1946 were least healthy when restudied in 1980. Virginia Tech students who reacted to bad events pessimistically suffered more colds, sore throats, and flu a year later. In general, optimistic people are less bothered by various illnesses and recover better from cancer and surgery.

Optimists also enjoy greater success. Rather than see setbacks as signs of their incompetence, they view them as flukes or as suggesting the need for a new approach. A person who confronts life with an attitude that often says "Yes!" to people and possibilities lives with far more joy and venturesomeness than do habitual naysayers.

Yet in affirming the great truth about optimism, let us also remember a complementary truth about the perils of unrealism. Unrealistic optimists may fail to take sensible precautions. And consider the shame and dejection that accompanies shattered expectations. If you believe the inspirational messages of positive thinkers, then whose fault is it if you don't march upward from highs to higher highs? What do we conclude when our marriages turn out to be less than we romanticized, when we are less successful than we dreamed?

At such times, we have only ourselves to blame. When the dream collapses, the biggest dreamers often fall the hardest. Limitless optimism breeds endless frustrations.

The recipe for well-being, then, requires neither positive nor negative thinking alone, but a mix of ample optimism to provide hope, a dash of pessimism to prevent complacency, and enough realism to discriminate those things we can control from those we cannot.

III: Extroversion: Happy People Are Outgoing

In study after study, extroverts--social, outgoing people--report greater happiness and satisfaction with life. The explanation seems partly temperamental. "Extroverts are simply more cheerful and high-spirited," report National Institute of Aging researchers Paul Costa and Robert McCrae. Self-assured people who walk into a room full of strangers and warmly introduce themselves may also be more accepting of themselves. Liking themselves, they are confident that others will like them, too.

Such attitudes tend also to be self-fulfilling, leading extroverts to experience more positive events. When University of Illinois researchers Ed Diener and Keith Magnus studied students at the undergraduate level and then again four years later as alumni, they found that life had treated extroverts more kindly. Compared to introverts, extroverts were more likely to have gotten married, found good jobs, and made new, close friends.

Extroverted people are more involved with others. They have a larger circle of friends and they more often engage in rewarding social activities. They experience more affection and enjoy greater social support--an important wellspring of well-being.

IV: Personal Control: Happy People Believe They Choose Their Destinies

Summarizing the University of Michigan's nationwide surveys, researcher Angus Campbell commented that "having a strong sense of controlling one's life is a more dependable predictor of positive feelings of well-being than any of the objective conditions of life we have considered." And the 15 percent of Americans who feel in control of their lives and feel satisfied with themselves have "extraordinarily positive feelings of happiness."

Consider your own sense of personal control. Would you agree with the statement that "I don't have enough control over the direction my life is taking" or that "What happens to me is my own doing"? That "The world is run by a few powerful people" or that "The average person can influence government decisions"? Those whose responses to such statements reveal an "internal locus of control" typically achieve more in school, cope better with stress, and live more happily.

Increasing people's control can noticeably improve their health and morale as well. One study by Yale psychologist Judith Rodin encouraged nursing-home patients to exert more control--to make choices about their environment and to influence policy. As a result, 93 percent became more alert, active, and happy. Similar results have been observed after allowing prisoners to move chairs and control the lights and TV, and after enabling workers to participate in decision making.

Happy, too, are those who gain the sense of control that comes with effective management of one's time. Unoccupied time, especially for out-of-work people who aren't able to plan and fill their time, is unsatisfying. Sleeping late, hanging out, and watching TV leave an empty feeling. For happy people, time is "filled and planned; they are punctual and efficient," says Oxford University psychologist Michael Argyle. "For unhappy people, time is unfilled, open, and uncommitted; they postpone things and are inefficient."

Establishing pre-set deadlines for oneself--and then meeting them--can lead to the delicious, confident feeling of personal control.

Finally: How To Be Happy

It's easily enough said that happiness comes with having positive self-esteem, feeling in control of our lives, and having optimistic, outgoing dispositions, but how can we strengthen such traits? If we wish we were happier, can we somehow become more positive, inner-directed, confident, and extroverted? Just how malleable are we?

Well-meaning advice to "be more outgoing" or to "have a more cheerful outlook" can burden us with the responsibility to choose our basic temperament. More than such advice-givers realize, we bring our basic dispositions with us into the world.

More and more studies show that our basic personality traits endure, especially after childhood. While developmental psychologists are sometimes surprised by how often troubled, unhappy children mature into competent, successful adults, there is nonetheless an underlying consistency to personality. After the end of the teen years, traits such as outgoingness, emotional stability, openness, agreeableness, and conscientiousness seem to persist throughout adulthood.

But it's also true that we have the power to affect our own destinies, for we are the creators as well as the creatures of our social worlds. We may be the products of our past, but we are also the architects of our future. Personality isn't programmed like eye color. The predispositions we bring with us into the world leave room for nurture's influence, and our own efforts as well. What we do today shapes our world and ourselves tomorrow.

If social psychologists have proven anything during the last 30 years, they have proven that the actions we take leave a residue inside us. Every time we act, we amplify the underlying idea or tendency behind it. Most people presume the reverse: that our traits and attitudes affect our behavior. While this is true to a certain extent (though less so than commonly supposed), it is also true that our traits and attitudes follow our behavior. We are as likely to act ourselves into a new way of thinking as to think ourselves into a new way of acting.

There is a practical moral here for us all. Do we wish to change ourselves in some important way? Perhaps boost our self-esteem? Become more optimistic and socially assertive? Well, a potent strategy is to get up and start doing that very thing. Don't worry that you don't feel like it. Fake it. Pretend self-esteem. Feign optimism. Simulate outgoingness.

In experiments, people have been asked to write essays or present themselves to an interviewer in either self-enhancing or selfdeprecating ways. Those who act as if they are exceptionally intelligent, caring, and sensitive people later express higher self-esteem when privately describing themselves to a different researcher. This saying-becomes-believing effect is harnessed by therapy techniques (such as behavior therapy, rational-emotive therapy, and cognitive therapy), each of which prods the clients into practicing more positive talk and behavior.

Yes, telling people to act or talk positively sounds like telling people to be phony. But, as usually happens when we step into some new role--perhaps our first days "playing" parent, salesperson, or teacher--an amazing thing happens: The phoniness gradually subsides. We notice that our uncomfortable sense of being a parent, for instance, no longer feels forced. The new role--and the new behaviors and accompanying attitudes--have begun to fit us as comfortably as an old pair of blue jeans.

The moral: Going through the motions can trigger the emotions. Surely you've noticed. You're in a testy mood, but when the phone rings you feign cheer while talking to a friend. Strangely, after hanging up, you no longer feel so grumpy. Such is the value of social occasions--they impel us to behave as if we were happy, which in fact helps free us from our unhappiness.

Granted, we can't expect ourselves to become more upbeat and socially confident overnight. But rather than limply resign ourselves to our current traits and emotions, we can stretch ourselves, step by step. Rather than waiting until we feel like making those calls or reaching out to that person, we can begin. If we are too anxious, modest, or indifferent, we can pretend, trusting that before long the pretense will diminish as our actions ignite a spark inside--the spark that will lead to happiness.

Parts of this article were excerpted from The Pursuit of Happiness: Who Is Happy--and Why, by David G. Myers, Ph.D., copyright C) 1992 by William Morrow and Company Inc.

- http://health.yahoo.com/mentalhealth-healthyhabits/the-secrets-of-happiness/pt--Psychology_Today_articles_pto-19920701-000027.html

Light my path
11:16:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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周杰伦 - 退后

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后并没有更自由
酸酸的空气
嗅出我们的距离
一幕椎心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息

抽屉泛黄的日记
榨干了回忆
那笑容是夏季
你我的过去
被顺时针的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
粗心的眼泪是多余

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给了承诺
却被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里待续

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后并没有更自由
酸酸的空气
嗅出我们的距离
一幕椎心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息

抽屉泛黄的日记
榨干了回忆
那笑容是夏季
你我的过去
被顺时针的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
粗心的眼泪是多余

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给了承诺
却被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里待续

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里待续

Light my path
11:03:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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周杰伦 - 安静

只剩下钢琴陪我弹了一天
睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的
我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过

你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你

只剩下钢琴陪我弹了一天
睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的
我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过

你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你

你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过

你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你

I like this song, especially the chorus.

Light my path
10:53:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Sunday, 20 July 2008

I was there, you weren't looking

I was there, you weren't looking

All your attention was on her

What is it that you see apart from her beauty?

Can't you see past her blue eyes?

Has her blonde hair clouded your trust?

You held her delicately

As if she was made of spun sugar

I didn't say anything

I stood with you all of those years

I even stayed with you cried those tears

I stood you even with those doubts

I fought for you

Why did you pick her?

Not me?

You were arrogant

You left our home

You left our friends

Yet we fought so you could come home.

When you did, it seemed like a fairytale

The kind with a beautiful homecoming

Then I told you about her

The biggest mistake I ever made

Why?

Why her?

Not me?

- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4406415/1/Love_Unrequited_Cry_Undenied

Light my path
1:21:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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“The cruelest lies are often told in silence.”

-Robert Louis Stevenson

Light my path
1:16:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Saturday, 19 July 2008

Went out with Jimmy & Sebastian for dinner at Alexandra's Ikea. The food's really yummy. I got the Pasta with Meatballs & a cake for dessert, while Sebastian got the salmon and Jimmy ordered the Chicken Leg and Cheesecake for dessert. Overall, Sebastian and I were rather satisfied with our food, though Jimmy was rather disgruntled over his main dish, finding it rather tasteless; to which we all agreed. Besides the main dishes, Sebastian ordered a few sides too - the meatballs and 6 pieces of chicken wings. I was the only one who love dipping the meatballs into the fruit jam, but the guys preferred the gravy.

Jimmy was appeased by the meatballs and chicken wings (though I find it a tad tasteless). But it was the cheesecake that saved the day.

Though I do not really like baked cheesecake, his was simply yummy. Thick and fragrant cheese. Melts in the mouth, with a lingering aftertaste. Jimmy gave it a 7.5 out of 10, while I gave a 9 out of 10. That insufferable man gave my cake a 6.5 after trying it. Heh. Talk about spoiling the mood.

Bah.

But I have to admit that his cheesecake is way better than the cake I ordered. Mine was a flat and wide slice of cake, with a thin layer of cake in between layers of crunchy bits (think those crunchy breakfast cereals like "Something (forgot the name, but I know it ends with the word 'puff') - Puff". it was finished off with a coat of solidified chocolate that had been drizzled over the top.

After dinner, Jimmy and I went to the soft toys section of Ikea while waiting for Sebastian to get the chicken wings and cheesecake he wanted to buy back. I asked him to help me buy a few cheesecakes too!

I think Jimmy is getting more cheeky. He teases me more often now, not that he didn't, last time.

Heh.

But, he really is getting into the spirit of things. Last night must have been "Tease-Hazel-Day".

*Sobs*

As the night was still young, we went to SPGG for pool. We had wanted to play bowling, but when we got there, we were told that there was a competition going on. Thus, the change of plans.

The guys took turns teaming with me. While facing off with each other only in the last game, when I bowed out. Things got rather serious towards the end. I don't know if I am over-reading things, but, towards certain friends, I tend to be more well-tuned to their emotions. Jimmy got rather, how to say, more competitive and serious towards the end, during the last 2 games.
Sebastian is rather good in pool, rather impressive, actually. What about me?

Let's just say that, I am very, very, very out of practice. I did make a few good shots, or so it was said by the guys. Hmm, in the first place, I seldom play pool or billards, so I have not many chances to polish my skills. Secondly, it has been, what, at least 3 or 4 years since the last time I played?

It was rather embarrassing and demoralizing, for it seems like whoever I teamed up with, will lose.

*Faints*

Sebastian and I lost the 1st round, (though it was a close win for Jimmy), Jimmy and I lost the 2nd round and so it went on like that. Except in a round when Sebastian and I finally won.

Haiz.

I felt like a liability. But the guys were pretty nice and sporty, spurring me on and teaching me to aim and pose properly.

By the time we left and Jimmy drove us back, it was around 12 in the morning. We made plans to meet next week and watch a movie.

Yay.

Light my path
8:47:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Tuesday, 15 July 2008

He would normally be gone by now, on his way back to Oto, but he took the time to ingrain every curve of her body beneath the pale blue sheets into his memory, longing to see her enchanting eyes one last time.

His gaze traveled down her arm, draped lightly over her stomach, obsidian orbs hardening when he reached her hand.

One final glance at her sleeping, oblivious face, and he turned to leave for the last time.

Because the minute that simple ring was placed on her finger, he knew there was nothing here to return to.

- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3449280/1/To_Observe

Light my path
10:34:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Spiralling out of control.
Who's there to stop the downward plummet?
What will be there waiting,
At the end of the fall?

Or will it be an endless down?

It is time, high time
To stop.
But I can't seem to stop, am unable to stop.

It is a long way down.

I think I am out of control, been stuffing my face these few weeks. And my skin's starting on a break out too. I almost never have any breakouts, discounting those rare moments; unless I am emotionally distressed, it is then those pimples will have a field day.

I really need to stop.

STOP.

Right now.

Except that I have been telling myself that ever since my binge started.

Light my path
8:10:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Beneath a Rowan Tree

Though I a wanderer be
No home on land or sea
Still my heart returns to thee
In silent revere

Though on Scotland's bonnie shore
My feet shall tread no more
When I die will you bury me
Beneath a rowan tree

I love thy frosty morn
Where the hunter winds his horn
And thy heathered moors and glen
I'll not roam again

Though on Scotland's purple breast
I no longer take my rest
When I die will you bury me
Beneath a rowan tree

At brave Cunoden's stand
Highland blood like water ran
With 30,000 pounds upon my head
For dear life I fled
Oh but though no crown I won
I'll always be yom' native son
So when I die will you bury me
Beneath a rowan tree
Beneath a rowan tree

Light my path
1:43:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Wishes (English Version) - by Le Couple

I looked in the sky and there I saw a star shining so bright above
I closed my eyes and wished upon the star that I would find true love
Someone who needed me
Someone to share my life
For a love that would be true
I would wait forever

So no matter how long it may be
I will be waiting

One star - brighter than the others
Two hearts - beating for each other
I believe wishes really come true

Love at first sight, I knew it from the moment when you said hello
I hoped you felt it too, but we were both so shy - how was I to know
When you reached for my hand, I knew you were the one
We laughed and talked for hours like I'd known you forever

Like a dream or something from a book
True love has found me
One star - brighter than the others
Two hearts - beating for each other
Noe I see wishes really come true

You just have to dream
Nothing's as bad as it seems to be. Believe me.
Someone's waiting for you to try

There in the sky
One star - brighter than the others
Two hearts - beating for each other
You will see wishes really come true

You can't stop believing - wishes do come true
You gotta believe me (wish on a star) wishes do come true...

Light my path
9:53:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Monday, 14 July 2008

What am I doing?
(Every day, I am asking myself that.)

What am I doing?
Caught and ensnared by the magnetism of those eyes.

How could this have happened?
Walking down the path I swore,
That I'd never tread upon again.

How could this have come about?
Once again, giving my heart
To some one who couldn't be bothered.

(Some one so like you.)

Why is this happening?
That history is repeating itself.
That he is just like you.

Consciously oblivious and painfully detached.

(It is my nightmare all over again.)

Light my path
11:26:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Twitch. Twitch.

Twitch.

My right eye has been doing that ALL DAY.

By that, I mean the 'twitching'.

If it goes on, I think the muscles on my right eyelid will develop cramps.

It is twitching even as I am typing these words.

*faint*

Please.

Light my path
11:21:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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“I-I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!”

(Silence…)

“You’re annoying.”

- The famous departure scene from Naruto

Light my path
11:11:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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‘You’re like the sky…Beautiful to look at, Impossible to reach…’

Light my path
11:01:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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“I love you, don’t die. I love you, don’t die. Please, I love you, don’t die…”

- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3244274/2/Room_227

Light my path
10:59:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Sunday, 13 July 2008

Call it whatever you want. Some will call it folly. Others say it is pride.

I say it is pride and a form of self-preservation.

Once bitten, I will cut off everything that comes from that source of pain. Rejecting every single thing from that source.

And by that, I am meaning every thing.

I wouldn't take food or water from that person even if I am on the verge of dying. Nor take a single piece of warm clothing even if I am suffering from frostbite.

My rejection is that strong.

Others have called it stupidity (why let yourself go hungry?) and some have called it pride (why let your body suffer more?).

For me, it is a little of pride, some of self-preservation and more of some thing else. Once you have crossed that line, everything that you do, is dead to me.

It doesn't matter if what I need is with you, I will never ask. Because, I will never know, if you will do it again if I trust you once more.

Once upon a time, I trusted again and again and again. And again. I believed again and again again and again.

But now, I've stopped.

So, mark my words, I will reject you, with all of my being.

All of my life.

Light my path
9:16:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Promises are meant to be broken.
Like the faint early morning mist
Which disappears in the warm morning sun.

I have finally seen that.

After years and after countless broken-ness.
(I have finally believed it.)

Used to wonder why.
How can one promise some thing with such sombreness,
And break that given word with such nonchalance.

(Isn't it shameful? You are an adult.
A supposedly role model for the young.
Shame. Shame. Shame on you.)

Is it such a tough and torturous thing?
To say what you mean?
And to keep your word?

(Your talk is bloody cheap. And not worth the dirt beneath my feet.)

It is okay, it is alright.
I am cool with not having that.
'Cause in life no one can have all that he or she wants.
I understand.

(But why, why.......)

Why did you promise me
Only to take it away in the end?
If I can't have it, it is all fine and dandy.

(Why did you say yes?!!
Only to say 'No' in the end?)

Is that some kind of a sport to you?
I suppose it is amusing and entertaining,
To watch me shatter and break.

Well, I am telling you: This is the last time.

(This is the last time. From now on,
For the rest of my life.)

Your words are worthless to me. Ain't setting myself up to be hurt.
Some one's gotta love me. If there's no one around to do it,
Then I will do it. I will love myself more.

(I will be the biggest fool if I trust in you again.)
You and your words are like the empty air.

(I won't put my heart in your hands again.

Never.)

Light my path
8:45:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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When does it stops?

This pain.

The pain in the knowledge that you don't matter.

Don't count.

That it boils down to what matters,

You are always passed over.

The last to be considered. The last on everyone's mind.

It has been this way ever since I can remember,

So this pain is needless.

Keep telling myself that.

No need to feel a thing. No need to feel rejected or wanted.

For you know,

That it is reality.

So, stop it with this cutting agony

And tightness in the throat.

Light my path
8:38:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Dead last.

Always dead last.

Always rock-bottom on everyone's list.

Always mattered the least.

It shouldn't have hurt. Should have gotten used to it.

After all, it is not something that happens recently.

It has been almost all of these twenty over years.

Shouldn't be surprised. Shouldn't be pained.

This is life.

Light my path
8:32:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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I want to be your last first love that you ever have.

Lying here beside me with arms and eyes open wide.

I want to be your last first kiss for all time.

-“Inevitable” by Anberlin

Light my path
8:30:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Saturday, 12 July 2008

Interesting Quotes

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use. --Emily Post (long-time queen of etiquette manuals)

Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbors. It makes you shoot at your landlord and it makes you miss him. --Irish proverb, courtesey of Conrad Bladey

"The departmental interpereters of the law in Washington can always be depended on to take any reasonably good law and interperet the common sense out of it." ~Mark Twain

"Love is a red snowmobile racing across the tundra, when it suddenly flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ICE WEASELS come." ~Matt Groening

"If you take that the statement is true that someone else is always worse feeling than you, by the process of elimation, you could find the most miserable person on earth." ~Andrew

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.

And your crybaby whiny-ass opinion would be?

Errors have been made. Others have been blamed.

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

I started out with nothing, and still have most of it left.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Do I look like a people person?

I’m really easy to get along with, once people learn to see it my way.

I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.

I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.

I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

Back off! You’re standing in my aura.

Don’t worry. I forgot your name too.

I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

I’m not tense, I’m just terribly, terribly alert.

I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

In theory, everything works.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!"

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

Your ridiculus little opinion has been noted.

"If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written." ~Artemis, Artemis Fowl

Whenever people are put to the test, I often hear then boast, 'I'd rather die.' But do you think they honestly mean it?" ~Andrew Waltfield

"Unlike in sports, the game of war has no set time limit and no points awarded, so how do you determine the winners and losers? When all your enemies are destroyed? Perhaps then." ~Andrew Waltfield

"I'm surrounded by idiots, but they mean well." ~Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho

Most of my favourites are highlighted in purple.

- http://www.fanfiction.net/u/985159/Neon_Genesis

Light my path
11:46:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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So this is how it begins—

Something that you thought was ended;

And this is how it ends—

Right when you thought everything was just beginning.

- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3011959/1/My_Point_of_Weakness

Light my path
11:29:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Friday, 11 July 2008

There's currently only 2 people (including myself) in my department, right now. One is on leave, some have gone for meetings and the rest, to who-knows-where.

Am bored.

Gah.

Not that I do not have any work to do.

Alright, I will get back to work.

Light my path
2:35:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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They say "Patience is a virtue".

Then I suppose Tolerance is an acquired skill.

And Self-control comes with experience and time. [By trying not to bash (and failing some times) that person in the head, no matter how much he or she annoys you.]

I must keep reminding myself that it isn't nice, it isn't presentable, it isn't civilized and that it isn't good to do that.

Light my path
2:06:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Thursday, 10 July 2008

Suay.

Bad luck.

Unfortunate.

And all that jazz.

I must be. If not, I wouldn't have run into the person I've been trying to avoid.

Last Monday and a few minutes ago.

*faints*

This is a nightmare. Hellish nightmare.

While on the way up to our offices, he said that he called me until "my handphone's gonna explode". After telling him that my phone is on silent mode (which is the truth), I immdiately checked my phone, expecting to see many missed calls. There was only one missed call and 2 SMSes.

Exaggeration, much?

Anyway, I escaped as soon as the lift reached my floor. He was just asking if I had reached and do I want to have breakfast together. The second SMS was asking if I had brought an umbrella as it was raining.

Really, he has done nothing, but I am some what creeped out. How to say?

I don't like people who are all clingy. (That is dependent on who the person is, actually. I know this is kind of unfair, but, it is hard to treat all friends equally. There will definitely be some whom you are closer with and some whom are just friends. For example, I don't mind Angeline, Shuhui, Alvin, Jimmy, Ronny, Daniel or some others, being clingy. But for people not on this list, I will feel kind of stifled, annoyed and to a certain degree - repulsed.)

I am thinking of changing my phone number.

SIGH.

Ultra bad mood this morning.

Very unhappy recently. So much so that my biological cycle's all messed up and my physical well-being is not that great. I need an outlet. If not, I think I will go crazy.

Light my path
8:11:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Tuesday, 8 July 2008

It was raining in the bus, this morning. Yep. You read correctly. There was a slight drizzle going on, right above my head. How wonderful it was. Note the sarcasm. For the better part of the 40-minutes journey, I rested, trying to sleep (had a late night) while ignoring the inconsistent little drizzle going on above my seat. By the time I alighted from the bus, my semi-wet hair was still wet, when it would have been 90% dry; had it not been for that little rain.

Went through a little counseling session with Chunmei last night.

She is right. I really need to and I should have cut off all ties earlier. Though, it is a little late now, it is still not too late to do so. The pain will be lessened. Call it escaping or running away from reality. But, at least it saves me a lot of grief. Yes, I must be stronger, be more decisive.

It is freezing in here. Am wondering if I am working in a freezer, that the outlook of a building is merely a facade. In reality, this is a freezer.

Gah.

Is this all there is to life?

Study as a child, work as an adult. Then just grow old and die? I want more out of life than this. I want more out of life than just working for the sake of putting bread on the table. I want to be married and have kids not because this is a phase of life but because I have met the love of my life and want to have his children. I do not want to go through the motions of life. I want to live a life.

Light my path
3:00:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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张信哲-晴天

透明的这片蔚蓝海洋
清澈的谁也无法隐藏
浅蓝深蓝跟着阳光在变幻

飘来的云朵透着光亮
懒懒的陪我们闲逛
指缝的细沙飞向刚泛起的白浪
快得让我们来不及去想

大海的对面是谁的故乡
谁和谁曾牵着手走过这沙滩
青春留下了脚印
我们那时曾经约定
海风的味道是我想你的记号

在我的世界永远都是晴天
因为记忆给我满满的依恋
你在的地方就有我的视线
爱是我想回去的地点

大海的边缘有我在思念
我和你背着梦想走过地平线
青春留下的痕迹
我们那时不怕危险
幸福的味道直到重遇的那天

在我的世界永远都是晴天
因为记忆给我满满的依恋
你在的地方就有我的视线
爱是我想回去的地点

透明的这片蔚蓝海洋
清澈的谁也无法隐藏
两个地方蓝色在我们心房

Light my path
10:37:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Monday, 7 July 2008

张信哲 - 曾经

你终于戒了好久以前
我就一直劝你戒的烟
因为你现在最爱的宝贝
希望你健康好多陪他几年

原来人不是不能改变
只是看他愿为谁改变

朋友可怜我失去了一切
他们不了解我得到了哪些
为深爱的人放弃自己
是天真或勇敢时间会说明

很高兴有人成熟了你的孩子气
我很爱很爱你曾经

为在乎的人放弃爱情
是消沉或整理慢慢变清晰
很高兴有人完结了我的犹豫
我很爱很爱你曾经曾经

原来人不是不能改变
只是看他愿为谁改变

朋友可怜我失去了一切
他们不了解我得到了哪些
为深爱的人放弃自己
是天真或勇敢时间会说明

很高兴有人成熟了你的孩子气
我很爱很爱你曾经

为在乎的人放弃爱情
是消沉或整理慢慢变清晰
很高兴有人完结了我的犹豫
我很爱很爱你曾经曾经

Light my path
1:18:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Saturday, 5 July 2008

周杰伦 - 彩虹

哪里有彩虹告诉我　
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静　
所有的云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我　
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药　
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着　
你的声音这么近我却抱不到
没有地球　太阳还是会绕　
没有理由　我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单　
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开但能不能别没收我的爱　
当作我最后才明白

有没有口罩一个给我　
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药　
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着　
你的声音这么近我却抱不到
没有地球　太阳还是会绕　
没有理由　我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单　
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开但能不能别没收我的爱　
当作我最后才明白

Rap:
看不见你的笑　
要我怎么睡的着　
你的声音这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕会绕　
没有理由我也能自己走掉
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

你要离开我知道很简单　
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开但能不能别没收我的爱　
当作我最后才明白

Light my path
10:24:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Seeing you every morning
Has developed into a habit.
Kind of like a morning ritual,
Like brushing my teeth.

This constant presence
Is comforting and as natural as breathing.

Do you know?

I miss you.

Light my path
8:53:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Thursday, 3 July 2008

Boy, looking at those basset hounds puppies on my calender, is making me drowsy. The puppies, with their long loping ears, drooping eyelids and general droopiness are encouraging the drowsiness in me.

Perhaps, from tonight onwards, I should sleep earlier. It seems like sleeping at 2230 is not early enough, nor is sleeping 7.5 hrs per day sufficient for me. I think I will go to bed around 2130 tonight.

Yay.

I love sleeping and eating. (I am not a pig, nor am I being one. So there.)

Ronny's birthday is nearing. I am anticipating it. It has been soooooooooo long since I've seen my lovely brother!! The last time I saw him was on 24th Feb 08. I remember it this clearly, because we were celebrating my birthday that time. That was the last time I saw him. Hopefully we can meet up soon, taking into account he has school, IPP, training flights and other commitments.

Haiz.

My birthday present is still with him! That heartless friend!

Kidnapped my birthday present for so many months. I think I must be pretty lucky if he didn't just chuck the thing some where in his room and forget all about it.

Heh.

And to think that his birthday present is all ready. Just waiting for his birthday to roll by and for him to free up some time for a meet up; and it can be given.

That kind of reminds me: Alvin's present is STILL with me. And his birthday was on 10 May. Alright, alright, I am sorry, very sorry. Please hear me out. See, we were supposed to meet up on 12 May, but I was sick and was on MC for 2 days. I bowed out from the celebration but Angeline didn't want to go if I didn't go. She said she isn't very close with others, so in the end, the meet up was cancelled. After that, I was rather busy at work and all that. The next time I tried to arrange another meet up, it was in June. But that attempt flopped too, due to some schedules being in conflict.

That about sums things up.

See?

I am innocent. Though, I think I will probably just meet up with Alvin alone if the others can't make it. For one, it is not so nice to owe him his birthday present for months (hear that, Ronny??). And secondly, I am not sure when, but I believe school will be starting soon and it will be even harder to meet up then! Lastly, I have no energy nor any more patience to let this drag on any longer. Those who can't make it for the next meet up that I am currently attempting to arrange, will just have to make do.

I feel like an old person. Am I? Am I? My friends said I have no life. Go to work, go back, eat and sleep. That's all. There is this colleague who was telling me I should get out more. Go out more with friends and find a boyfriend.

*Faint*

But, you have to know that going out means you will spend money and I am trying to save. Besides, if I go out, I will be tired the next day and unable to function well at work. See my perfectly sound reasoning?

But, perhaps, I should try to get out more.

Light my path
9:38:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Tuesday, 1 July 2008

It is another day at work. Gosh, how boring does that sounds?

Never mind.

Thank God it is almost the end of the working day. Yesterday had been my colleague's last day.

Met up with Chunmei at AMK Hub, for dinner and movie after work. 'Kungfu Panda' is pretty tickling. I love the scene when Shifu and Po were fighting over the last 'xiao long bao'. I laughed so hard till I was almost in fits.

Chunmei kept nudging me to eat more popcorn.

*Faints*

I know there is some one among my friends who have that bad habit. Every time she takes some popcorn from the tub, she'd insist that I have some too. If I refuse, she'd nudge me with the popcorn tub.

Haha...

We went to NTUC after the movie as I had something to get. And I ended up meeting some one I have been avoiding.

*Gah*

Anyway, after paying for our things, we left and walked to the nearby HDB carpark and Chunmei drove me back.

Light my path
4:23:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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