" You spend all your time waiting for that second chance. Then when you finally get it, you hesitate. Everyone is like that."
" But if you do take the chance then you're stronger then you think."http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3527440/3/Falling
The above quotes impacted me a few months back, when I read them. Now, they are impacting me even more, as true to the first quote, my chance is here. I do not know if it is my second chance or not, but a chance is a chance.
I've been talking about joining an airline as a cabin crew. Talking and thinking, with no actions. I didn't go for the interview with SIA when I saw their advertisement a few months back. More than a few months, I think. At that time, I was afraid. Afraid of failure, of the blow, should I get rejected. I am afraid that with my looks and body, I am not the kind of staff they want. I am worried that I will not do well at the interview, that I do not know how to present myself. I am afraid that I am not they want, that I will never be good enough for such a prestigious airline. I am just an average person. I am a plain Jane. With no remarkable looks or body. Without an interesting and clever mind. And without a sparkling personality. I am greyish. A dull grey square.
With all that, how can I ever hope to get into SIA - considered one of the world's best airline?
At that time, I thought of all that and resolved not to try to get in. For I'd only suffer the greatest disappointment and a crushing letdown. In addition, at that time, I told myself I wasn't ready. I am not slim enough.
With that, I simply exited SIA's website.
Now, once again, I am presented with an opportunity - SIA is recruiting. This is my second or third or fourth chance. I still have all the above-mentioned fears, concerns and insecurities. And more of them now. A lot more. But Angeline is right. She reminded me that I can't wait anymore. When I get older, they will not want me.
I still have tonnes, gallons of fears. They are so stifling, suffocating. But, I simply can't pass up this chance anymore. Time is not on my side anymore. It is against me. Youth is slipping me by. It is now or never. If I do not try out now, I can't try out anymore.
Nevertheless, I am so very insecure. Mountains and mountains of fears are pressing down on me. I can't shift my body. I am having difficulty breathing.
I worry over what to wear. Angeline suggested formal wear. I agree, but formal wear is boring. She said that flowery skirts are a no-no. So there goes my plans of wearing that nice flowery skirt. But still, I am thinking, I want to dress formal and nice. Without being formal, plain and boring, you know.
I was hoping that I can start off my interviews with other airlines. Start off slow and steady, then try for SIA. But, it has to be SIA at the first stop!!!
Rarrrrrr...
Why??
Why can't I start small?
Why must my first stop be Mount Everest? SIA seems insurmountable.
How can little old me ever hope to qualify?
I am seriously not ready. I am not mentally nor physically prepared. Yet, as I mentioned earlier, I am not getting any younger. Ready or not, I have to go.
Frankly, I am not holding my breath. My chances of getting in, is almost nil. It is demoralizing, sad, but true. I had hoped for a few more months, so that I can be slimmer. Be more prepared. so that if I fail, (I wanted to put 'when I fail', but decided that I shouldn't think that way, even if I am thinking that way. When a person use 'when', it is a certainity that some thing will happen. It is only a matter of when. For my morale's sake, I will not use 'when', but I will use 'if'.); at least I won't wonder, is it because I am not prepared enough? Not slim enough?
But nevertheless, I will charge ahead. Insecurities and all.
To add to that, I worry about other stuff, like swimming. Do I have to swim without goggles? I think that is a 'yes', right? You don't really have the time for goggles when the plane is falling or has malfunctioned.
Boy, I am such a worrier. I think and agonize too much. So much that it is ridiculous.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
- Matthew 6:34
"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say."
- Luke 12:11-12
Though I will not exactly be brought before a panel of judges or in the courtroom, the above verses speak to me too.