`` my daily journey. [#] `-
Light my path
2:30:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
2:28:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
2:27:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
--Uchiha Sasuke (When the Wind Stops)
Light my path
2:23:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
10:40:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
-RAIN
This sentence describes perfectly why I am moved by RAIN's music. I am touched by the sincerity projected from his voice. The stories told from the way he sings. Surely people who love music will understand. Different people who sing the same song, will avoke different feelings in his/her listeners. Or perhaps none at all, if he/she is just singing for the sake of getting it done. Just like a picture can tell a thousand words and a look means more than words.
Light my path
10:20:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
10:00:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
11:18:00 am
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
7:52:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
5:52:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
5:43:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
10:19:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
10:14:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
9:51:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
But I will not admit it.
Light my path
9:48:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
9:37:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
10:31:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
9:24:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
8:56:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
10:50:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
10:44:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
8:38:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
7:11:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
8:42:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
11:04:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
7:12:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
6:35:00 pm
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
9:56:00 am
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Light my path
12:03:00 am
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Wednesday, 30 May 2007
I've just gotten my first pay slip from this new company.
Time sure flies fast.
There isn't any thing to do at work, at the moment; so here I am lounging around. Blogging, even.
Is my whole working life going to be like this? Surf net, blog and check my mail when I have nothing to do?
I had a talk with a friend on Sunday. When I expressed my confusion over what to do for the next few years, should I study what I think I want to study; she told me some things that gave me insight into the situation which I am in. Yan Ping told me that I am confused, I do not know what I want. How very true!! Looking deeper into it, not only do I not know what I want, I do not know if I can get what I want. I am afraid of failing after reaching out to attempt to get what I think I want.
I do not want to spend my life as how I am now. I want some thing different, but 'what' I do not know, nor do I have the slightest inkling.
Pathetic, huh.
Perhaps I am too idealistic. Trying so hard to look for job and life satisfaction when few found it.
I want to reach out, to study for my degree, but can I succeed in my chosen course? Can I do well and excel, not only in my studies but in my future workplace??
Can I keep up with the industry? Can I survive and even rise in that industry?
Seriously, I cannot envision what it will be like. I cannot see my future.
On another hand, I got to know about a job position which pays well (depending on which industry you are in). A safety officer course takes a year to complete. I am considering taking it up, as a cushion; just in case my career in writing doesn't work out. I do not want to take this 1 year course now as I want to save up what money I have for my degree studies. But, I am afraid that after a few years in my chosen career, I may be out of touch with the demands of the engineering industry. What if, by then safety officers are no longer in demand? What am I going to do then? By then, my diploma is quite worthless and I cannot cash in on my degree. Where will I be then?
Hanging dry.
Seriously, I find that I think and rationalize too much. I give myself un-needed problems.
*My gosh! It is only 1500!! So long till knock off! My boss is away for a seminar.*
Despite so many uncertainities and fears, I still want to go for the Degree in Communication and English. So many problems, the main one being finiancial, I do, still want to study. Because, I do not want to live and regret. I have regretted many things in my short life and I do not want to add to it. I want to find out, once and for all, if I can do it. If I can find a career, doing some thing I love, be able to support myself and even thrive in it. I want it to be a career, not a job. I want to be able to work late into the night or give my all into it, not I put up with my job because of the high pay or because my boss is nice; but because it is my career, my life and that I enjoy and love what I do for a living.
Time sure flies fast.
There isn't any thing to do at work, at the moment; so here I am lounging around. Blogging, even.
Is my whole working life going to be like this? Surf net, blog and check my mail when I have nothing to do?
I had a talk with a friend on Sunday. When I expressed my confusion over what to do for the next few years, should I study what I think I want to study; she told me some things that gave me insight into the situation which I am in. Yan Ping told me that I am confused, I do not know what I want. How very true!! Looking deeper into it, not only do I not know what I want, I do not know if I can get what I want. I am afraid of failing after reaching out to attempt to get what I think I want.
I do not want to spend my life as how I am now. I want some thing different, but 'what' I do not know, nor do I have the slightest inkling.
Pathetic, huh.
Perhaps I am too idealistic. Trying so hard to look for job and life satisfaction when few found it.
I want to reach out, to study for my degree, but can I succeed in my chosen course? Can I do well and excel, not only in my studies but in my future workplace??
Can I keep up with the industry? Can I survive and even rise in that industry?
Seriously, I cannot envision what it will be like. I cannot see my future.
On another hand, I got to know about a job position which pays well (depending on which industry you are in). A safety officer course takes a year to complete. I am considering taking it up, as a cushion; just in case my career in writing doesn't work out. I do not want to take this 1 year course now as I want to save up what money I have for my degree studies. But, I am afraid that after a few years in my chosen career, I may be out of touch with the demands of the engineering industry. What if, by then safety officers are no longer in demand? What am I going to do then? By then, my diploma is quite worthless and I cannot cash in on my degree. Where will I be then?
Hanging dry.
Seriously, I find that I think and rationalize too much. I give myself un-needed problems.
*My gosh! It is only 1500!! So long till knock off! My boss is away for a seminar.*
Despite so many uncertainities and fears, I still want to go for the Degree in Communication and English. So many problems, the main one being finiancial, I do, still want to study. Because, I do not want to live and regret. I have regretted many things in my short life and I do not want to add to it. I want to find out, once and for all, if I can do it. If I can find a career, doing some thing I love, be able to support myself and even thrive in it. I want it to be a career, not a job. I want to be able to work late into the night or give my all into it, not I put up with my job because of the high pay or because my boss is nice; but because it is my career, my life and that I enjoy and love what I do for a living.
Light my path
2:30:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Before I am gone...
I just want to say it once again.....
Light my path
2:28:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Less than 24 hours and I'll be out of the country.
Yahoo!!
Here I come!
Yahoo!!
Here I come!
Light my path
2:27:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Meet me the moment the sun dies down and where the wind blows fiercest.
Meet me at the place where it was decided there was no going back.
Meet me at the place where it was decided there was no going back.
--Uchiha Sasuke (When the Wind Stops)
Light my path
2:23:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Thursday, 24 May 2007
“Anything worth living for,” said Nately, “is worth dying for.” “And anything worth dying for,” answered the old man, “is certainly worth living for.”
(Joseph Heller, Catch 22)
(Joseph Heller, Catch 22)
Light my path
10:40:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
"Though, I cannot comprehend Daler's songs, his musical vibes are absorbed by me in the same manner as my music has struck a chord in countries like Australia,''
-RAIN
This sentence describes perfectly why I am moved by RAIN's music. I am touched by the sincerity projected from his voice. The stories told from the way he sings. Surely people who love music will understand. Different people who sing the same song, will avoke different feelings in his/her listeners. Or perhaps none at all, if he/she is just singing for the sake of getting it done. Just like a picture can tell a thousand words and a look means more than words.
Light my path
10:20:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Tuesday, 22 May 2007
‘Rain’ and Stephen Colbert
By Robert Allen
Regarding a recent episode of the American comedy show The Colbert Report and the reaction that Koreans have had to it, I feel an obligation to set the record straight. Korean Nation: by giving his American audience a brief glimpse of the singer Rain and Korean pop music in general, Stephen Colbert has done more good for your country and its culture than you could possibly imagine.
In essence, Stephen Colbert has handed your country a marvelous gift, and I would encourage you to understand exactly how he has done so.
First, some important background information about the American Media Culture. In America, one can find a number of television and radio programs hosted by power-hungry, ego-driven, ultra-conservative spokesmen.
These ``journalists’’ thrive on being divisively critical of any part of an open-minded, liberal way of thinking. Their tactics are to inflame their audience by portraying anyone who fails to follow the conservative doctrine as a dangerous enemy to all that is good and decent in the world. They intentionally use extreme language to criticize and condemn, keeping their audience at a fever pitch of paranoia and indignation.
Moreover, they are very successful, very powerful and very, very rich. And the most extreme media personality in America, the man with the most inflamed ego and the most self-righteous attitude, the man who feels that he alone can deliver the American people to righteousness, is Mr. Stephen Colbert, the host and self-exalted deity of his television program The Colbert Report. But wait, there’s more.
Stephen Colbert (actually the character he so deftly portrays) is a clown, a buffoon, a parody of those other neo-conservative celebrities. And, believe me, Colbert’s audience ``gets’’ the joke.
Although the tactics and actions of neo-cons like George W. Bush and his cronies have repeatedly disgusted many open-minded Americans, many have realized that perhaps it’s better to laugh than to get angry. And that is why The Colbert (pronounced, like the French ``Col-bear’’) Report (pronounced, for no good reason ``re-pour’’), is not only one of the funniest programs on American TV these days, it’s also one of the most necessary.
Korean Nation: The Colbert Report is a perfect satire of all that is laughable about those hate-filled programs. The character Colbert portrays on his program is so extreme in his comments; he is so consumed by the importance of his own ego and so clueless as to the absurdity of his thinking that, well, he’s exactly like the men he is parodying. His ``rant’’ against Rain is a perfect example of Colbert’s character taking himself much too seriously.
Look at the facts: Only a fool would be indignant at being outvoted by a Korean pop star in Time Magazine’s poll. Only a clueless individual would then go on national television and rave about his newest ``nemesis,’’ and only a deranged human would make his own music video in an attempt to show that he is the more talented individual while wearing a bizarre combination of fashions, including misfired hip-hop, Korean trendiness and button-down Ivy League.
Finally, only an individual with a serious lack of taste would produce this music video singing what he truly believes to be a quality Korean pop song with his rather limited Korean vocabulary (Hyundai, kimchi, etc), while creating a new dance style one could possibly call Korean-hiphop-techno-constipation. And somebody is offended by this?
In the end, Rain could not have asked for better publicity than being ``put on notice’’ by Stephen Colbert. Colbert’s audience is intelligent enough to understand his humor and hip enough to check out Korean Pop Music and culture. Thanks to Colbert, millions of Americans now know who Rain is, where he is from, and the kind of music he makes. Again, Colbert’s audience ``gets’’ the joke.
A joke is never funny if one must explain it. However, if Korean people miss the not-so-subtle satire in Colbert’s tribute to Rain and allow themselves to become offended or indignant without comprehending the context of Colbert’s comedy, the joke, unfortunately, will ultimately be on them.
My prediction: Rain will soon be a guest on Colbert’s program. Trust me. It’s a good thing.
The writer is a teacher in the English Education Department at Hannam University in Daejeon. He has lived in Korea nearly seven years.
P/S: And now, people, this is a great example of fine and civilised rebukes. It draws blood, people...=)
By Robert Allen
Regarding a recent episode of the American comedy show The Colbert Report and the reaction that Koreans have had to it, I feel an obligation to set the record straight. Korean Nation: by giving his American audience a brief glimpse of the singer Rain and Korean pop music in general, Stephen Colbert has done more good for your country and its culture than you could possibly imagine.
In essence, Stephen Colbert has handed your country a marvelous gift, and I would encourage you to understand exactly how he has done so.
First, some important background information about the American Media Culture. In America, one can find a number of television and radio programs hosted by power-hungry, ego-driven, ultra-conservative spokesmen.
These ``journalists’’ thrive on being divisively critical of any part of an open-minded, liberal way of thinking. Their tactics are to inflame their audience by portraying anyone who fails to follow the conservative doctrine as a dangerous enemy to all that is good and decent in the world. They intentionally use extreme language to criticize and condemn, keeping their audience at a fever pitch of paranoia and indignation.
Moreover, they are very successful, very powerful and very, very rich. And the most extreme media personality in America, the man with the most inflamed ego and the most self-righteous attitude, the man who feels that he alone can deliver the American people to righteousness, is Mr. Stephen Colbert, the host and self-exalted deity of his television program The Colbert Report. But wait, there’s more.
Stephen Colbert (actually the character he so deftly portrays) is a clown, a buffoon, a parody of those other neo-conservative celebrities. And, believe me, Colbert’s audience ``gets’’ the joke.
Although the tactics and actions of neo-cons like George W. Bush and his cronies have repeatedly disgusted many open-minded Americans, many have realized that perhaps it’s better to laugh than to get angry. And that is why The Colbert (pronounced, like the French ``Col-bear’’) Report (pronounced, for no good reason ``re-pour’’), is not only one of the funniest programs on American TV these days, it’s also one of the most necessary.
Korean Nation: The Colbert Report is a perfect satire of all that is laughable about those hate-filled programs. The character Colbert portrays on his program is so extreme in his comments; he is so consumed by the importance of his own ego and so clueless as to the absurdity of his thinking that, well, he’s exactly like the men he is parodying. His ``rant’’ against Rain is a perfect example of Colbert’s character taking himself much too seriously.
Look at the facts: Only a fool would be indignant at being outvoted by a Korean pop star in Time Magazine’s poll. Only a clueless individual would then go on national television and rave about his newest ``nemesis,’’ and only a deranged human would make his own music video in an attempt to show that he is the more talented individual while wearing a bizarre combination of fashions, including misfired hip-hop, Korean trendiness and button-down Ivy League.
Finally, only an individual with a serious lack of taste would produce this music video singing what he truly believes to be a quality Korean pop song with his rather limited Korean vocabulary (Hyundai, kimchi, etc), while creating a new dance style one could possibly call Korean-hiphop-techno-constipation. And somebody is offended by this?
In the end, Rain could not have asked for better publicity than being ``put on notice’’ by Stephen Colbert. Colbert’s audience is intelligent enough to understand his humor and hip enough to check out Korean Pop Music and culture. Thanks to Colbert, millions of Americans now know who Rain is, where he is from, and the kind of music he makes. Again, Colbert’s audience ``gets’’ the joke.
A joke is never funny if one must explain it. However, if Korean people miss the not-so-subtle satire in Colbert’s tribute to Rain and allow themselves to become offended or indignant without comprehending the context of Colbert’s comedy, the joke, unfortunately, will ultimately be on them.
My prediction: Rain will soon be a guest on Colbert’s program. Trust me. It’s a good thing.
The writer is a teacher in the English Education Department at Hannam University in Daejeon. He has lived in Korea nearly seven years.
P/S: And now, people, this is a great example of fine and civilised rebukes. It draws blood, people...=)
Light my path
10:00:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Sunday, 20 May 2007
你永远都是那么地耀眼，
那么地闪悦。
你总是离我那么地遥远，
那么遥不可及。。。
那么地闪悦。
你总是离我那么地遥远，
那么遥不可及。。。
Light my path
11:18:00 am
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Saturday, 19 May 2007
...The pain of loneliness;
You feel like it's your fault for being weak.
Even if people are around you are showing that they care,
You think they are playing pretend.
Light my path
7:52:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Although I've been through it ever since young, it never ceases to be weird. What is it that is so weird to me?
Well, because of my blocked nose, I couldn't taste a thing. No matter what I ate.
That kind of sucks.
I slept for a few hours after lunch. In fact, I woke up around 30 minutes ago. I wanted to get up, but I felt so tired and lethargic. In the end, I forced myself to get up, for it was not comfortable enough for me to fall back into sleep.
When I signed into Blogger, a small post caught my eye. I went to read it and discovered that Blogger has a new function. Now, Bloggers need not fear losing their precious words, for Blogger has an auto-save function. It will automatically save our posts every minute. Of course there are some conditions to be fulfilled too. But knowing that is good enough for me, for I've had enough of those crashes or whatever which made me lose my entire page of words.
So, let's celebrate!
Yay!
YaHOO!!!!!!!!!!
Well, because of my blocked nose, I couldn't taste a thing. No matter what I ate.
That kind of sucks.
I slept for a few hours after lunch. In fact, I woke up around 30 minutes ago. I wanted to get up, but I felt so tired and lethargic. In the end, I forced myself to get up, for it was not comfortable enough for me to fall back into sleep.
When I signed into Blogger, a small post caught my eye. I went to read it and discovered that Blogger has a new function. Now, Bloggers need not fear losing their precious words, for Blogger has an auto-save function. It will automatically save our posts every minute. Of course there are some conditions to be fulfilled too. But knowing that is good enough for me, for I've had enough of those crashes or whatever which made me lose my entire page of words.
So, let's celebrate!
Yay!
YaHOO!!!!!!!!!!
Light my path
5:52:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
"The Best Hallyu Stars Are BYJ-Boa-Bi"
Top stars BYJ, Jang Dong-geon, Boa. Bi, Lee Young ae, etc. were selected as winners of 'The first Hallyu Grand Award'.
The 'Hallyu Grand Award', being sponsored by Korean Entertainment Industry Academy and supported by Ministry of Culture and Tourism, is an award given to people who contributed to the Hallyu. The award ceremony will proceed at 7PM on 18 at the International Conference Room on 6th floor of Baeknam Academic Informational Building in Hanyang University.
An official of the event told, "The Hallyu phenomenon is an epoch-making event in which popular culture is exported overseas for the first time in 5000 year history of Korea, " and "Although there have been outstanding meritorious services by people in the industry for almost 10 years since the Hallyu began and our People also have enough desire to appreciate them, no one has ever recognized their meritorious services."
For each category, they selected the winners dividing into film, drama, music, and game. As a result, in the section of stars, Jang Dong-geon & Cheon Jihyeon(film), Lee Youngae & BYJ(drama), and Boa & Bi(Music) were selected as winners, For the game, Kim Namcheol, CEO at the Yedang Online was chosen as a winner.
Also for the planning/production category, Director Bong Joonho, Yoon Seokho PD, Lee Sooman, a board director at SM Entertainment, etc. were selected. Kim Kwangsoo, board director at the M-net Media, Park Jinyoung, CEo at the JYP Entertainment, etc, were chosen as winners in marketing category. Also Chung Hoontak, CEO at the Sidus HQ, Kim Jonghak, CEO at the Kim Jonghak Production, and Andre Kim , etc. also listed their names as winners.
The winners were processed with recommendations from entertainment reporters in various media and 21 media participated. As to the method of selection, they critically evaluated degree of contribution to promote national pride, accomplishment worthy of respect, and degree of contribution to community of mankind, etc.
Reported by Cha Heeyeon,enter@gonews.co.kr
Top stars BYJ, Jang Dong-geon, Boa. Bi, Lee Young ae, etc. were selected as winners of 'The first Hallyu Grand Award'.
The 'Hallyu Grand Award', being sponsored by Korean Entertainment Industry Academy and supported by Ministry of Culture and Tourism, is an award given to people who contributed to the Hallyu. The award ceremony will proceed at 7PM on 18 at the International Conference Room on 6th floor of Baeknam Academic Informational Building in Hanyang University.
An official of the event told, "The Hallyu phenomenon is an epoch-making event in which popular culture is exported overseas for the first time in 5000 year history of Korea, " and "Although there have been outstanding meritorious services by people in the industry for almost 10 years since the Hallyu began and our People also have enough desire to appreciate them, no one has ever recognized their meritorious services."
For each category, they selected the winners dividing into film, drama, music, and game. As a result, in the section of stars, Jang Dong-geon & Cheon Jihyeon(film), Lee Youngae & BYJ(drama), and Boa & Bi(Music) were selected as winners, For the game, Kim Namcheol, CEO at the Yedang Online was chosen as a winner.
Also for the planning/production category, Director Bong Joonho, Yoon Seokho PD, Lee Sooman, a board director at SM Entertainment, etc. were selected. Kim Kwangsoo, board director at the M-net Media, Park Jinyoung, CEo at the JYP Entertainment, etc, were chosen as winners in marketing category. Also Chung Hoontak, CEO at the Sidus HQ, Kim Jonghak, CEO at the Kim Jonghak Production, and Andre Kim , etc. also listed their names as winners.
The winners were processed with recommendations from entertainment reporters in various media and 21 media participated. As to the method of selection, they critically evaluated degree of contribution to promote national pride, accomplishment worthy of respect, and degree of contribution to community of mankind, etc.
Reported by Cha Heeyeon,enter@gonews.co.kr
Light my path
5:43:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Thursday, 17 May 2007
I want to see you again.
Face to face.
But I tremble and cower.
Deciding to wait.
For a better time,
Not an arranged meeting,
But perhaps, we may meet on the streets. Or through work or friends.
Our eyes would meet and we'd realize
That all the emptiness and lonely nights
Has been worth it.
For they are in preparation for this day.
For the day that we meet.
Wait for me.....
Face to face.
But I tremble and cower.
Deciding to wait.
For a better time,
Not an arranged meeting,
But perhaps, we may meet on the streets. Or through work or friends.
Our eyes would meet and we'd realize
That all the emptiness and lonely nights
Has been worth it.
For they are in preparation for this day.
For the day that we meet.
Wait for me.....
Light my path
10:19:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
What comes around, goes around.
Light my path
10:14:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Man.
The Sore Throat Episode II is about to be on air. In fact, it is already on the preview.
Once on air, it will develop into Weeks-Long Hacking Coughs.
I want to cry.
*bursts into fits of rage*
The Sore Throat Episode II is about to be on air. In fact, it is already on the preview.
Once on air, it will develop into Weeks-Long Hacking Coughs.
I want to cry.
*bursts into fits of rage*
Light my path
9:51:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
I regret it,
But I will not admit it.
Light my path
9:48:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Work has been fine, except for those mad rushes every Mon-Wed and the utterly crappy data system, be it hard or soft copy.
Had a fight with a primary school friend. It was supposed to be a relaxing dinner. But it turned out to be hellish. I refused to speak a word to her after she said that sentence, "I don't want to talk to you". Well, I am merely fulfilling her wishes, right? She didn't want to talk to me, so fine.
I suppose, to a certain extent, I am overreacting to her tone and words. But I couldn't soothe my hackles, for her very essence is that of my eldest sister. Condescending, know-it-all and domineering. I simply cannot stand such a person. I have enough of that kind of person in the house, I do not want to have to deal with such a person outside the house too.
It seems like this week is not a good week for going out with friends. Everyone seems to be rubbing me the wrong way. Making me hiss and spit. Ronny is kind of pissing me off too. And we are meeting up this Sunday too, together with Angeline. Double shit.
I really am not in the mood for any smart alecks or people who think they can look into my mind or soul. Maybe I should not come out after all. If this continues on, I will be all alone, for I'd have alienated what few friends I have.
Had a fight with a primary school friend. It was supposed to be a relaxing dinner. But it turned out to be hellish. I refused to speak a word to her after she said that sentence, "I don't want to talk to you". Well, I am merely fulfilling her wishes, right? She didn't want to talk to me, so fine.
I suppose, to a certain extent, I am overreacting to her tone and words. But I couldn't soothe my hackles, for her very essence is that of my eldest sister. Condescending, know-it-all and domineering. I simply cannot stand such a person. I have enough of that kind of person in the house, I do not want to have to deal with such a person outside the house too.
It seems like this week is not a good week for going out with friends. Everyone seems to be rubbing me the wrong way. Making me hiss and spit. Ronny is kind of pissing me off too. And we are meeting up this Sunday too, together with Angeline. Double shit.
I really am not in the mood for any smart alecks or people who think they can look into my mind or soul. Maybe I should not come out after all. If this continues on, I will be all alone, for I'd have alienated what few friends I have.
Light my path
9:37:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Thursday, 10 May 2007
What I learnt from this, is that I should never trust anyone again. Especially people who are, due to my misfortune, related to me by blood.
I have always been blindly trusting. Gullible.
And now, I am paying for it. Though, I never would have thought that it would be at the hands of people who are related to me, by blood.
I have always been blindly trusting. Gullible.
And now, I am paying for it. Though, I never would have thought that it would be at the hands of people who are related to me, by blood.
Light my path
10:31:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
I am feeling utterly disappointed and hopeless. Angry, definitely.
Just now, while talking with my mother, I mentioned about my plans to study; all of a sudden, she said my father is forbidding me from further studies. My whole world teetered and collasped around me.
I am utterly and thoroughly furious. Not that kind of burning anger, but rather the cold, blue flame. If you remember your chemistry lessons, the blue flame is hotter than the orange flame.
My mother promised to help me out in paying for my school fees, while I pay her a certain amount each month. Just a few days ago, on Sunday, I double checked with her, to reassure myself that she is really going to help me out. At that time, when I expressed my concern about taking a long, long time in returning her the school fees, she even said that it is alright, that I can take my time. Now, she is going back on her word. It isn't the first time either. Ever since young, she has been breaking her promises to me, especially during times when it mattered the most, time when I truly needed her support.
Her words are not even worth a fucking piece of shit!
Fucking hell.
Now, do you get the slightest inkling why I hate my whole family? Besides the whole unhappy childhood, another thing is that, my mother, don't fucking keep her word. She can't keep her promise to save my life! In a life and death situation, I am not sure if I can trust her to keep me alive, just based on her word. Because, time and time again, she has let me down and has not kept her promises.
True, she has no obligation to help me, now tht I am all grown up. I never expected her to, either. But then, she said, she will loan me the money.
She said, she will.
Now, she backs out of it. And fucking left me hanging in the air. Just like that.
What the fucking hell!
If it is going to be like this in the end, if you are so easily swayed, if you are not going to keep your word, THEN DON'T AGREE TO HELP ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!
You let me have the hope, you let me believe that all is fine, I can trust you, I can depend on you. And then now this crap.
Your word is worth shitless!!
I thought I can trust you for this. I thought I can trust you in this, in helping me to fulfill my dream.
Just now, while talking with my mother, I mentioned about my plans to study; all of a sudden, she said my father is forbidding me from further studies. My whole world teetered and collasped around me.
I am utterly and thoroughly furious. Not that kind of burning anger, but rather the cold, blue flame. If you remember your chemistry lessons, the blue flame is hotter than the orange flame.
My mother promised to help me out in paying for my school fees, while I pay her a certain amount each month. Just a few days ago, on Sunday, I double checked with her, to reassure myself that she is really going to help me out. At that time, when I expressed my concern about taking a long, long time in returning her the school fees, she even said that it is alright, that I can take my time. Now, she is going back on her word. It isn't the first time either. Ever since young, she has been breaking her promises to me, especially during times when it mattered the most, time when I truly needed her support.
Her words are not even worth a fucking piece of shit!
Fucking hell.
Now, do you get the slightest inkling why I hate my whole family? Besides the whole unhappy childhood, another thing is that, my mother, don't fucking keep her word. She can't keep her promise to save my life! In a life and death situation, I am not sure if I can trust her to keep me alive, just based on her word. Because, time and time again, she has let me down and has not kept her promises.
True, she has no obligation to help me, now tht I am all grown up. I never expected her to, either. But then, she said, she will loan me the money.
She said, she will.
Now, she backs out of it. And fucking left me hanging in the air. Just like that.
What the fucking hell!
If it is going to be like this in the end, if you are so easily swayed, if you are not going to keep your word, THEN DON'T AGREE TO HELP ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!
You let me have the hope, you let me believe that all is fine, I can trust you, I can depend on you. And then now this crap.
Your word is worth shitless!!
I thought I can trust you for this. I thought I can trust you in this, in helping me to fulfill my dream.
Light my path
9:24:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Monday, 7 May 2007
Arrrgh.
My head feels overloaded and the nerves in my head are so tightly wound. Any tighter and I would go bonkers.
Not to mention the deteriorating of my not-so-perfect eyesight.
I was restored to health and was better in spirits after polishing off the leftover chocolates from last night.
I was tempted to go swimming after reaching home, but decided against it as I was rather tired and not to mention, a trifle lazy too.
Aaa.......dinner calls.
My head feels overloaded and the nerves in my head are so tightly wound. Any tighter and I would go bonkers.
Not to mention the deteriorating of my not-so-perfect eyesight.
I was restored to health and was better in spirits after polishing off the leftover chocolates from last night.
I was tempted to go swimming after reaching home, but decided against it as I was rather tired and not to mention, a trifle lazy too.
Aaa.......dinner calls.
Light my path
8:56:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Sunday, 6 May 2007
Wanna be with you,
Love of my life.
Light my path
10:50:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Zzz......
I think I am having post first-day-on-the-job jitters.
Shit.
Weird me.
Lol.
I suppose I should get going, to sleep.
At least there are people to talk to on MSN, when I am at work.....=) I've been chatting with Angeline, Abby (from my Small Group) Ronny and Danny to a lesser extent.
I wonder, what tomorrow brings.
Only God knows.
I can't wait for 1st of June to come...=)
I think I am having post first-day-on-the-job jitters.
Shit.
Weird me.
Lol.
I suppose I should get going, to sleep.
At least there are people to talk to on MSN, when I am at work.....=) I've been chatting with Angeline, Abby (from my Small Group) Ronny and Danny to a lesser extent.
I wonder, what tomorrow brings.
Only God knows.
I can't wait for 1st of June to come...=)
Light my path
10:44:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
I wonder if it is the food. Or the air. Maybe it is the degeneration of humans in general.
Yes, I think that it is the latter. Which leads to human beings behaving like they are the descendants of the hairy apes we see in the zoo. Since they believe that they are evolved from apes, there goes to show their animal-like behaviour.
Some people are just such fucking assholes. Who thinks that money rules everything. Well, newsflash, EVOLVED APE, it doesn't.
Crawl back to your jungle and do whatever it is that your so called ancestors once did and are still doing.
Yes, I think that it is the latter. Which leads to human beings behaving like they are the descendants of the hairy apes we see in the zoo. Since they believe that they are evolved from apes, there goes to show their animal-like behaviour.
Some people are just such fucking assholes. Who thinks that money rules everything. Well, newsflash, EVOLVED APE, it doesn't.
Crawl back to your jungle and do whatever it is that your so called ancestors once did and are still doing.
Light my path
8:38:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Saturday, 5 May 2007
Super annoyed and put off.
I bought some NO-NUT chocolate chip cookies from the Famous Amos at Wisma.
The first cookie was heavenly. Subsequent ones were pure hell.
They were all FILLED with NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I absolutely abhor nuts! I DISLIKE, HATE and DETEST nuts in my COOKIES and CHOCOLATES!!!
Feeling absolutely shitty about it.
I feel like beating the tar out of some one. Preferably the girl who gave me those cookies.
I bought some NO-NUT chocolate chip cookies from the Famous Amos at Wisma.
The first cookie was heavenly. Subsequent ones were pure hell.
They were all FILLED with NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I absolutely abhor nuts! I DISLIKE, HATE and DETEST nuts in my COOKIES and CHOCOLATES!!!
Feeling absolutely shitty about it.
I feel like beating the tar out of some one. Preferably the girl who gave me those cookies.
Light my path
7:11:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Thursday, 3 May 2007
I received the following from one of my SG members.
I like SALMON DAY. STRESS PUPPY is a perfectly apt description for my colleague. IRRITAINMENT is SO TRUE!!! (At least for me!) PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE is so me!! CROP DUSTING wins hands down in the catergory of hiliarity...=D Haha...you get it?? I sure hope you aren't one one of those who does that - crop dusting. My goodness.
NEW WORDS FOR 2007:
Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!!!
1. BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard .
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles.
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message " 404 Not Found, " meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).
18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING : Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.
I like SALMON DAY. STRESS PUPPY is a perfectly apt description for my colleague. IRRITAINMENT is SO TRUE!!! (At least for me!) PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE is so me!! CROP DUSTING wins hands down in the catergory of hiliarity...=D Haha...you get it?? I sure hope you aren't one one of those who does that - crop dusting. My goodness.
NEW WORDS FOR 2007:
Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!!!
1. BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard .
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles.
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message " 404 Not Found, " meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).
18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING : Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.
Light my path
8:42:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Wednesday, 2 May 2007
It had been an average first day of work.
There are moments when I am fighting to stay awake, listening to the person droning on and on, with information overload. After a while, my mind just switched off, everything which came in, just went one way- Out.
Zzz.......
Lol.
Didn't get to interact much with my new colleagues, for every one is serious about his/her own work. It was pretty quiet at lunch too. Only 2 people, out of the 6 women (including myself) sitting at lunch, talked a lot. One woman was quite outspoken and chatty, saying that my direct supervisor is quite nice, that she is my Head's pet, his favourite, everyone's darling; for she can deliver whatever they asked.
There wasn't much to do at work, though I am slightly overwhelmed by the technicality of some things. Some time after lunch, while I was sitting there and trying to look like I am doing some thing (when in fact I am not), my colleague asked me to photocopy some documents. It was alright, until I dropped a pile of papers on the floor. Instantly, I started to freak out. The reason is because, all those documents have drawings attached, complicated floor plans; and they just landed on the floor in a mess. Immediately, my face went stiff and I starting panicking inwardly. Quickly, I finished up the rest of the papers and went back to my table to sort them up, hoping against hope that nothing will be messed up or missing. As I went along, I got more relaxed, thinking that every thing's alright, until I came across a set of socuments. there was supposed to be 13 pages in a set, yet, there was only 10!!!!!!!!!!! 10 pages each for both the original and copied set. My migraine went thumping and my face turned to a darker shade. What am I going to do?!!!! I starting calling to God for help, feeling very distressed.
In the end, when I told the lady who asked me to photocopy the documents, she said that she don't know a thing, that it wasn't her responsibility, for she didn't flip through them, they were passed along to me the way they were to her. Any way, she just took back all the documents after I was done.
Phew.
I sincerely pray that the 3 missing pages have nothing to do with me and the axe will not fall on me.
Hai.
I was late to work this morning. I was planning to report for work at 0800. But, due to the heavy rain and traffic jams, I reached my work place at almost half past eight. Because of that, I decided to stay on until at least 1730. But when it was near 1730, my Japanese colleague ( he was one of the interviwers) approached me and started to ask about my name and went on to brief me on our sub-contractors and stuff. He told me that to sort out a file, if I am free. Thinking that it wasn't very late then, I decided to do it, rather than leaving it to another day. Thus, in the end, I left my work place at a quarter past six.
After which, I made a mad dash to Toa Payoh, where Shuhui was waiting for me to have dinner.
I've got to sign off. Early day tomorrow.
There are moments when I am fighting to stay awake, listening to the person droning on and on, with information overload. After a while, my mind just switched off, everything which came in, just went one way- Out.
Zzz.......
Lol.
Didn't get to interact much with my new colleagues, for every one is serious about his/her own work. It was pretty quiet at lunch too. Only 2 people, out of the 6 women (including myself) sitting at lunch, talked a lot. One woman was quite outspoken and chatty, saying that my direct supervisor is quite nice, that she is my Head's pet, his favourite, everyone's darling; for she can deliver whatever they asked.
There wasn't much to do at work, though I am slightly overwhelmed by the technicality of some things. Some time after lunch, while I was sitting there and trying to look like I am doing some thing (when in fact I am not), my colleague asked me to photocopy some documents. It was alright, until I dropped a pile of papers on the floor. Instantly, I started to freak out. The reason is because, all those documents have drawings attached, complicated floor plans; and they just landed on the floor in a mess. Immediately, my face went stiff and I starting panicking inwardly. Quickly, I finished up the rest of the papers and went back to my table to sort them up, hoping against hope that nothing will be messed up or missing. As I went along, I got more relaxed, thinking that every thing's alright, until I came across a set of socuments. there was supposed to be 13 pages in a set, yet, there was only 10!!!!!!!!!!! 10 pages each for both the original and copied set. My migraine went thumping and my face turned to a darker shade. What am I going to do?!!!! I starting calling to God for help, feeling very distressed.
In the end, when I told the lady who asked me to photocopy the documents, she said that she don't know a thing, that it wasn't her responsibility, for she didn't flip through them, they were passed along to me the way they were to her. Any way, she just took back all the documents after I was done.
Phew.
I sincerely pray that the 3 missing pages have nothing to do with me and the axe will not fall on me.
Hai.
I was late to work this morning. I was planning to report for work at 0800. But, due to the heavy rain and traffic jams, I reached my work place at almost half past eight. Because of that, I decided to stay on until at least 1730. But when it was near 1730, my Japanese colleague ( he was one of the interviwers) approached me and started to ask about my name and went on to brief me on our sub-contractors and stuff. He told me that to sort out a file, if I am free. Thinking that it wasn't very late then, I decided to do it, rather than leaving it to another day. Thus, in the end, I left my work place at a quarter past six.
After which, I made a mad dash to Toa Payoh, where Shuhui was waiting for me to have dinner.
I've got to sign off. Early day tomorrow.
Light my path
11:04:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Tuesday, 1 May 2007
It seems surreal, yet it is true. Tomorrow will be arriving in a few hours time, which means that I will be starting work soon.
I am so weird.
So contradictory. There is a sense of nonchalance (which I am pretty glad for), but the jittery nerves are kicking in and growing stronger.
When I get nervous, I start to think up the worst possible scenarios which may happen. Which in turn will lead me to be more worried and anxious. I will get all stressed up and my body will get all messed up. Meaning, I will develop a severe headache, have heart palpitations, make a run to the toilet and just be sick in general.
I so got a problem.
I am so weird.
So contradictory. There is a sense of nonchalance (which I am pretty glad for), but the jittery nerves are kicking in and growing stronger.
When I get nervous, I start to think up the worst possible scenarios which may happen. Which in turn will lead me to be more worried and anxious. I will get all stressed up and my body will get all messed up. Meaning, I will develop a severe headache, have heart palpitations, make a run to the toilet and just be sick in general.
I so got a problem.
Light my path
7:12:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
It is simply amazing how damn rude some people can be. Simply ill-bred.
It is my embarrassment and misfortune to admit that we happen to share the same blood. Nothing else, I assure you.
That ill mannered asshole have no basic courtesy or an iota of patience.
I seriously hate her.
All my life, I will hate her.
It is my embarrassment and misfortune to admit that we happen to share the same blood. Nothing else, I assure you.
That ill mannered asshole have no basic courtesy or an iota of patience.
I seriously hate her.
All my life, I will hate her.
Light my path
6:35:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Man, I slept at almost four in the morning and woke up around 0930 just now, to go to the toilet. After that I was unable to fall back into sleep.
Bummer!
I think I will go and visit the doctor later. My skin allergy is rearing its ugly head, again.
Damn.
It is all because of it that I am unable to wear any short sleeved tops.
I hope the itch and marks will go away and stay away, forever.
If not, I will never again, be able to wear any short sleeved tops.
The doctor said that there are many factors for my condition - Ezcema. Ezcema is a some type of skin allergy, caused by many factors, it may be the food, what we wear, the perspiration or stress, etc.
Thus, my conclusion is that I am stressed. Some times, knowingly, other times unknowingly, I am stressing myself out. That's when those nasty little things start to kick in.
Damn.
Though I do not have any intention of marrying, but ever one day I do get married, how am I going to get married iwth such ugly scars?
Depressed.
I'll be starting work tomorrw. Please keep me in your prayers, that I will interact well with my new colleagues, be able to quickly adapt to the working pace there and the environment. Please pray that I will find favour with my supervisors and colleagues, communicate and work smoothly with them. In addition, I will rein in my temper and hold my tongue, if there's anyone who annoys me. That I will not be so transparent before their eyes, leaving them to see and know my every emotion. Please pray that I will be more observant and careful, not to be gullible. For that is a new environment, I do not know who will be my friends and who will be my enemies. Please for pray for peace and confidence as I work and enter a completely new world.
Thank you.
Bummer!
I think I will go and visit the doctor later. My skin allergy is rearing its ugly head, again.
Damn.
It is all because of it that I am unable to wear any short sleeved tops.
I hope the itch and marks will go away and stay away, forever.
If not, I will never again, be able to wear any short sleeved tops.
The doctor said that there are many factors for my condition - Ezcema. Ezcema is a some type of skin allergy, caused by many factors, it may be the food, what we wear, the perspiration or stress, etc.
Thus, my conclusion is that I am stressed. Some times, knowingly, other times unknowingly, I am stressing myself out. That's when those nasty little things start to kick in.
Damn.
Though I do not have any intention of marrying, but ever one day I do get married, how am I going to get married iwth such ugly scars?
Depressed.
I'll be starting work tomorrw. Please keep me in your prayers, that I will interact well with my new colleagues, be able to quickly adapt to the working pace there and the environment. Please pray that I will find favour with my supervisors and colleagues, communicate and work smoothly with them. In addition, I will rein in my temper and hold my tongue, if there's anyone who annoys me. That I will not be so transparent before their eyes, leaving them to see and know my every emotion. Please pray that I will be more observant and careful, not to be gullible. For that is a new environment, I do not know who will be my friends and who will be my enemies. Please for pray for peace and confidence as I work and enter a completely new world.
Thank you.
Light my path
9:56:00 am
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
After 2 years and 1.5 months, it has finally ended. Drawn to a close.
I am eager for it to end. The wistful feeling from a year back (when I left my job for awhile, for another position), is no longer evident this time round. I am glad, in fact, to finally be free. Though it is a little sad, but that's the truth.
I am glad, relieved to be free from my now-ex workplace. For, since this past year, I've grown thoroughly sick of servicing people. I am sick of catering to others' whims, made to feel like an inferior being, just because I am in the retail line. I've had enough of forcing myself to grit my teeth and rein in my anger, when all that those people (assholes, bastards, bitches, bloody fools, arrogant creatures) deserve, is a scathing set down, a good kick in the ass and a permanent re-arrangement of their faces.
The only thing I miss, will be my boss' presence and those neighbours from my workplace.
I guess, it is really time to move on, for I will never look back again. I can't ever go back to this place, how to say? We've outlived each other's usefulness. I've learnt all that I am able to learn from my job and my job has squeezed out all of my joy and love for it. We've given each other what we can. Thus, it is time to move on, before things get ugly.
I will never forget how I came to know of this job. I can still remember the details, clear as day. I was in the last semester of my tertiary education and looking for a job. My whole family didn't know that I had not graduated then, but was repeating one module. Thus, my mother kept giving me pressure to find a job. EVERY bloody day, she'd bombard the phone, scream at me over it to get a job; come back after her work, barge into my room and shout at me some more. I was utterly miserable then. And I was unable to tell her why I couldn't bloody well get a full time job (I was afraid of her reaction and I did not want to make her sad or disappointed), for I was still studying. The pressure was mounting up and the torture went on for an entire month, the same old shit happening almost every day, with little to no respite in between. Back then, I was forced, very close to the edge of the cliff. And at the foot of the cliff, were sharp and ragged rocks, ready and hungering to pierce my falling body. I was so oppressed and upset, with no one to share my woes that I wasn't thinking rationally and contemplated suicide many times. At that time, I was foolish and made some wrong choices and was afraid of the consequences of my actions.
One day, I was at the 7-Eleven outlet near my place, buying some snacks and The Straits Times. The cashier asked if I'd like the free copy of Today (a newspaper). I was about to refuse, for I am not interested in its contents, but later stopped and took it; thinking, why not? It is free. I never regretted that decision.
For it was how I found the job where I would stay for 2 years and 1.5 months.
I was, still is and will always be grateful to the Lord for opening this door for me. Towards my boss, I was, still is and will forever, be thankful to her for giving me the chance to work for her. God heard my plea, saw my desperation and sent Cassandra to me. This two things, this two being, one is the Creator of my existence and the other is my debtor for life. I will not be where I am without them.
Between my relationship with God and my relationship with Cassandra, many things happened since then; some good, others bad. But I can never and will never forget who opened the door and shown me out of the darkness, into light and the person who gave me the chance to become who I am today. I am eternally indebted to them.
A year ago, I felt that I still owe it to Cassandra, that I couldn't yet leave. That it wasn't time to leave. I couldn't bear to leave. That I still have things to learn, it wasn't God's timing for me to leave. Now, a year later, I am ready to leave, looking forward to do so. For, if I do not leave, I'd end up destroying what Cassandra and I still have - our good working relationship. I am this type of person - if I am unhappy in a place, I must leave as soon as possible. If not, I will end up saying or doing things which will completely destroy the balance. I am unable to and cannot conceal my likes and dislikes, especially my adversity to certain people, places or situations. I am a very transparent person. Whatever I am feeling, is all written on my face. One only has to look at my face to know how I am feeling. With my growing dissatisfaction at work, it is only a matter of time when I blow up at the wrong asshole, get myself complained and my boss caught in between.
One of the highlights of my time with my boss, is that I've known some pretty great people. They are older than me, so much more experienced in the ways of the world, yet they never looked down on me or used that to bring me down. They treated me like a friend, a little sister, took care of me and share their life experiences with me. They taught me that the world is not as I think it is. They taught me to be careful, not to be naive or gullible, to observe and listen, to learn to defend myself from people who bore ill will towards me.
I am truly, truly blessed to have known them. I think, perhaps I wasn't ready to leave last year, was because I have yet to know them more, yet to learn all those things from them.
I can't say that I am fully prepared for what is ahead, but at least I know that I've matured, have some inkling of what lies round the corner and arms to fall back into when things get tough.
I am eager for it to end. The wistful feeling from a year back (when I left my job for awhile, for another position), is no longer evident this time round. I am glad, in fact, to finally be free. Though it is a little sad, but that's the truth.
I am glad, relieved to be free from my now-ex workplace. For, since this past year, I've grown thoroughly sick of servicing people. I am sick of catering to others' whims, made to feel like an inferior being, just because I am in the retail line. I've had enough of forcing myself to grit my teeth and rein in my anger, when all that those people (assholes, bastards, bitches, bloody fools, arrogant creatures) deserve, is a scathing set down, a good kick in the ass and a permanent re-arrangement of their faces.
The only thing I miss, will be my boss' presence and those neighbours from my workplace.
I guess, it is really time to move on, for I will never look back again. I can't ever go back to this place, how to say? We've outlived each other's usefulness. I've learnt all that I am able to learn from my job and my job has squeezed out all of my joy and love for it. We've given each other what we can. Thus, it is time to move on, before things get ugly.
I will never forget how I came to know of this job. I can still remember the details, clear as day. I was in the last semester of my tertiary education and looking for a job. My whole family didn't know that I had not graduated then, but was repeating one module. Thus, my mother kept giving me pressure to find a job. EVERY bloody day, she'd bombard the phone, scream at me over it to get a job; come back after her work, barge into my room and shout at me some more. I was utterly miserable then. And I was unable to tell her why I couldn't bloody well get a full time job (I was afraid of her reaction and I did not want to make her sad or disappointed), for I was still studying. The pressure was mounting up and the torture went on for an entire month, the same old shit happening almost every day, with little to no respite in between. Back then, I was forced, very close to the edge of the cliff. And at the foot of the cliff, were sharp and ragged rocks, ready and hungering to pierce my falling body. I was so oppressed and upset, with no one to share my woes that I wasn't thinking rationally and contemplated suicide many times. At that time, I was foolish and made some wrong choices and was afraid of the consequences of my actions.
One day, I was at the 7-Eleven outlet near my place, buying some snacks and The Straits Times. The cashier asked if I'd like the free copy of Today (a newspaper). I was about to refuse, for I am not interested in its contents, but later stopped and took it; thinking, why not? It is free. I never regretted that decision.
For it was how I found the job where I would stay for 2 years and 1.5 months.
I was, still is and will always be grateful to the Lord for opening this door for me. Towards my boss, I was, still is and will forever, be thankful to her for giving me the chance to work for her. God heard my plea, saw my desperation and sent Cassandra to me. This two things, this two being, one is the Creator of my existence and the other is my debtor for life. I will not be where I am without them.
Between my relationship with God and my relationship with Cassandra, many things happened since then; some good, others bad. But I can never and will never forget who opened the door and shown me out of the darkness, into light and the person who gave me the chance to become who I am today. I am eternally indebted to them.
A year ago, I felt that I still owe it to Cassandra, that I couldn't yet leave. That it wasn't time to leave. I couldn't bear to leave. That I still have things to learn, it wasn't God's timing for me to leave. Now, a year later, I am ready to leave, looking forward to do so. For, if I do not leave, I'd end up destroying what Cassandra and I still have - our good working relationship. I am this type of person - if I am unhappy in a place, I must leave as soon as possible. If not, I will end up saying or doing things which will completely destroy the balance. I am unable to and cannot conceal my likes and dislikes, especially my adversity to certain people, places or situations. I am a very transparent person. Whatever I am feeling, is all written on my face. One only has to look at my face to know how I am feeling. With my growing dissatisfaction at work, it is only a matter of time when I blow up at the wrong asshole, get myself complained and my boss caught in between.
One of the highlights of my time with my boss, is that I've known some pretty great people. They are older than me, so much more experienced in the ways of the world, yet they never looked down on me or used that to bring me down. They treated me like a friend, a little sister, took care of me and share their life experiences with me. They taught me that the world is not as I think it is. They taught me to be careful, not to be naive or gullible, to observe and listen, to learn to defend myself from people who bore ill will towards me.
I am truly, truly blessed to have known them. I think, perhaps I wasn't ready to leave last year, was because I have yet to know them more, yet to learn all those things from them.
I can't say that I am fully prepared for what is ahead, but at least I know that I've matured, have some inkling of what lies round the corner and arms to fall back into when things get tough.
Light my path
12:03:00 am
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
the girl
An easy-going gal who thinks and agonizes too much. Weird personality. Not an easy person to love, but desires to be loved. Jesus Christ is my Lord!
addicts
chocolate. reading. writing.
archives*
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:30
*[[____ blabbers (: `-//*
*[[___ Links Out ((: //*
비 RAIN
Rain Swept I
Rain Swept II
Rain Swept III
(Don't knock it till you've tried it! Don't dismiss Rain without knowing him!)
Heart & Sword
My Hana Yori Dango Fanfic!
Andrew
Angeline
Catherine
Danny
Sebastian
Timothy
Funky B
Order Homemade Cookies!
Tennis
Download Ringing Tones
Emulators
ROMs
Recipes
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9
A psalm of David.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know"
Jeremiah 33:3