The Beauty of Simplicity

`` my daily journey. [#] `-

Tuesday, 28 February 2006

The Light

Despite this blackened filth on me,
Coating me from head to toe,
Even to the very soul.
The desire to be clean and pure,
Is always there.
Even as I continue to live
In this darkness.

Needing a light,
So pure and bright,
Who is willing to give?

Gentle, but not blinding,
But strong enough,
To cleanse me of my sins.
Conviction but not condemnation.

Forgiveness given so freely,
Almost made this soul disbelieve.
Acceptance in such kind eyes.
Tears ran unchecked over tainted flesh.

Hands reached out,
Fingers not to point.
But to run them,
Over a smudged face.

Strengthened by new found conviction,
Healed by loving acceptance,
I can hear His words,
"Everything is going to be alright."

Salvation.
Blessed peace,
That I hadn't had for so long,
Came over me.
Because of His light.
Conviction, but not condemnation.

I'd written this, this afternoon, while at work. This is an expression of my desire to live a godly life, to run the race in the way that God will be pleased with. Although I keep falling short and grieved Him with my rebellious ways, it is still my greatest desire to live my life pleasing my Lord. The parts about light, conviction and condemnation, are what I'd included in, after the sermon from my church pastor.

Light my path
12:15:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Sunday, 26 February 2006

So much to say, but I do not know where and how to start.

All in all, it was the best birthday I've ever had.

I'd never wanted extravagant gifts or sumptuous meals. I'd thrown a tantrum when it was unintentionally revealed that my friends would be pooling money to get me a gift. I was unhappy because I'd past experiences with people who couldn't be bothered to spend the time to prepare a gift, so they'd just chipped in money. Here, I'd like to apologize to Angeline for the headaches and troubles that I'd caused. Me ah....really a troublemaker. I thank God for such people who are willing to stay by my side even when I'm such a difficult person. Really sorry to you, Sebastian and Angeline and thank you, for loving me enough to stay by my side, through all my ugly and childish tantrums.

A few of us had spent the day at Sentosa, yesterday. The day started off quite uneventfully, as 3 of us were super late. I was late for around 45mins, another was late for 50mins and the last one was late for more than a few hours...T.T.....Poor Guo Yi and Sebastian were waiting at Harborfront MRT the whole time. So sorry!!!!!! Forgive me??

Danny gave me a blue rose....I love it!!! Thank you, very, very much, Danny!! This is the first time ever that I'd receive a flower..=)

We went to the nearby hawker centre for lunch and not longer after, Guo Yi had to leave for church, saying that he'd be back at night to join us for dinner. I think, overall, the most tired person is him, for he had reached on time, but the rest of us were so late that he only had time to gulp down his food then leave. When it was dinner time, it was a rushed job too, as he had to book in to his camp. Feel quite bad...T.T..

After lunch, we went in to Sentosa, by bus. After buying the admission tickets and wondering around awhile, getting lost, we went back to the arrival centre and waited for Angeline and Daniel to come. When the party was complete, we started off, walking around and talking and taking photos.

One of the places we walked was the Mythology Trail. Another was the area near the Musical Fountain, the guys struck crazy poses and stuff...all together, it was really funny..lol...=] Thanks for the entertainment and sacrifice, my brothers...=] Hee...I'll post up the photos soon....and you can see for yourselves what went on yesterday..=p heek!! At one point of our exploration, it started drizzling. Initially, I'd thought that it was the fountain's water that was wetting me, but looking up, I discovered that it was raining. It started getting a little too heavy, thus we made a run for it, scrambling for the nearest shelter. We reached a "shelter", only to realise that the vines shrouded "shelter" would not do for a shelter. Thus, we'd continued running like crazy. Thank God that not much further down, was a proper shelter. With nothing to do, we started taking photos, the guys started striking outrageous poses. Swinging up and hanging by the side of the metal support, catwalking, sha-shaying, you name it and they might have done it....lol.

Very cute...=p

Serious.

After the rain had stopped, we continued on, going from places to places and taking photos and generally acting a little more hyped. We paused at certain places to grab some snacks before moving off into the Underwater World. Remember the Touch Pool near the entrance? Where people are allowed to touch the fishes and starfish? I hadn't dared to touch them back when I was with my school mates, on an excursion. Yesterday, after much hesitation, fear and a quaking heart, I'd finally grabbed hold of a starfish and held it for awhile. The feeling was surprising. I'd thought that I'd feel it's suction pads or something, but the one that I'd touched was more like a tree branch. The other one that I'd touched was a fish, I daren't touch the sting ray, they are too active for my taste. The starfish and the fish weren't moving, so I'd dared to touch them. The fish that I'd stroked on its back, was lying there, doing nothing, quite content to be where it was. The feeling of the fish's skin, was smooth and slightly slimy. Someone had commented about the fish's feelings, being touched and grabbed by so many people everyday. I'd said that if i was the fish, I'd be annoyed and snap at the next person who moves to touch it. Coincidentally, I was about to stroke the fish at the point of time thaty I was making the comment, thus I was understandably leery of putting my hand in. Thank God that nothing had happened, that the fish hdan't acted on my comment. Lol.

Exploring the Underwater World was fun and informative. One fact I found interesting was that if a dominant female anemona in a anemona colony, died, another dominant male anemona would change its sex to become a female anemona. Whoa. Right? Amazing, how living things adapt to changes. Crab lovers, please do not read the following. One of crabs' food menu items, is animal waste matter. Lol. We are eating what they are eating...............................................T.T
In the Underwater World, we alternated between taking photos of the marine life and standing on the travellator and allowing it to move us along, stepping down only when something caught our attention, or to pose and take photographs with certain marine life.

It was late by the time we exited the Underwater World and went into the shop selling marine life soft toys and other merchandise. We had planned on going to the Dolphin Lagoon. Only to find out on the way there, that the Lagoon's last visiting time was 5.30pm. Disappointed but not too sad, we walked on and reached a beach. Some of us were tossing the frisbee to and fro.

Sometime later, Daniel treated me to a ride on a chairlift and luge package. As the chairlift went higher and higher, leaving the ground (and safety) further and further behind, a small tendril of fear and panic wove into my heart. I grew anxious and started to freak a little. Deciding to distract myself and remembering Angeline's reminders to take plenty of photos, I twisted around and begun to snap the scenery, all the while trying to ignore the knot of fear in my heart and forcing myself not to look down. For a few cowardly moments, I'd considered to ask Daniel if we could hold hands, but in the end, I decided not to, for this tendril of fear wasn't like that fear that I had, the time when we took the 360 turns in Escape Theme Park....Lol.
After that, it was pretty much alright as long as I didn't look down, we managed to take photos of each other.
All in all, the chairlift ride over the forest, was great, in spite of my fear of heights. Really beautiful to look down and see the trees and the people below in small specks, like leaving behind my problems. Looking ahead or around me, while on the chairlift, was like looking at the future ahead of me, so vast and unknown, with a hint of excitement and fear entwined together.

Geting off the chairlift, we took the luge. It was something like driving a car, like in the Escape Theme Park, except that the vehicle was more simply built. When we were allowed to drive off, Daniel soon disappeared out of sight. I was more cautious, driving more slowly and taking care to slow down at turns. Careful is my middle name. Lol. Daniel was like.....................

Haha..........

Lol.

Towards the end of the evening in Sentosa, we went to the Musical Fountain. The show was promising, I'd like the woman who subbed for the fish who sang, at least I think it was a fish, I wasn't too sure, because of my short-sightedness, Haiz. We didn't stay for the entire show as Guo Yi was waiting for us outside Sentosa, for dinner. Spotted quite a good-looking guy working as an usher at the Musical Fountain. Heek!=p

We hurried out of Sentosa and set off at a rapid pace towards the mall as Guo Yi had made a reservation and as there were plenty of people, we would lose the seats if we didn't arrive soon. Thank God that we didnt..=] Just before we reached the mall, Danny left for another place...

Upon reaching the mall, Angeline and I went to change while the rest went ahead. When we were done, we joined Sebastian, Guo Yi and Daniel at Pastamania. It was around 2030 then. By the time we'd finished eating, it was almost 10pm. Guo Yi had left around 2115, as he had to book in to his camp. Alvin had joined us around 2130, rushing here after his church service. All the time during dinner, we were either taking pictures of each other or of the blue rose from Danny and the teddy bear that Guo Yi gave me. Angeline was especially shutter happy. Come to think of it, she had been rather shutte happy in the Underwater World too....=p

Seeing that it was getting late, we cut the cake around 10pm. It was a mango (I think) ice-cream cake from Swensens. Yummy!!!! They sang a birthday song for me.....*awww...so sweet!!* As there were only 5 of us left, I'd cut the cake into big slices. Of course..............the biggest slice wasn't mine......lol. No way would I take the biggest slice, got to watch out for my weight, you know. Sob. What a pathetic way of life. Bah. Alvin got the largest piece, I had wanted it for Angeline, but, knowing my intentions, neatly passed the cake to the nearest person, namely Alvin. Haa.....=)

When we'd polished off the cake, we went to a quiet place near the MRT station and opened my presents..=) I love presents!!!

Lol.

Heek!=p

Sebastian had given me my favourite thing in the world - chocolates!!!! *drools* But....the fats are quite a deterrent for me....sobz..........Bad Sebastian! Baaaad......................

But thank you!=) hee....

Jonathan had given me a book and a CD.....both of which seems like something that I'd like....thank you!=P

Angeline had given me something that I love very much. An A4 size notebook, with 3 super cute kitties on the front cover!! The kitties were in silver, on a black background. Each with their own unique expressions. Kawaii!!! ^-^ She had done alot of work on the kitties, carving them out very nicely. So happy and excited!!!!!!! Thank you, my Angel!!!!=D *mwacks!*

Daniel had given me a CD and told me to listen to it when I got home.

After opening all the presents, it was really late, around 2300. As all of us had to get up early the following day, we split. Angeline went to take a bus back, while the rest of us journeyed to the MRT station. When we were outside the station, Sebastian left to take a bus too. That left Alvin, Daniel and I. Daniel left first when we discovered that my ez-link card had no value in it and I'd have to top up, as he was in a hurry. Alvin and I took the NE line train up to Dhoby Gaut and changed train. Along the way, I don't know how it came up, but we went to the head cabin and looked out the window as the train moved along. I was quite surprised to see that there wasn't any driver controlling the train. Aa...I remember, I think Alvin mentioned about the driver-less NE line trains, I hadn't known about that, so we had went up, so that I could see for myself. Somehow, it was pretty exciting, looking out from the window situated at the very head of the train. Previously, we had never been able to see the inside of a train tunnel, except for the ocasional glimpses. Heek! Pretty fun!!!=)

We alighted at Braddell as Alvin had offered to send me home. We walked to his home, stopping along the way to pick up a drink. On the way to his estate, we saw 2 cats. I mewed to one of them, a beautiful black cat. To my delight and slight dismay and Alvin's "horror", it started following us. I was happy that it'd responded to me, but sad that I couldn't bring it home with me. Sobzzzz.................As it was following us, Alvin was like.............................

He said that in all the years he had been living in that estate, he'd never had a cat follow him home before.

Lol.

Hahaha.......=p

His reaction was amusing..=)

When we had reached his place, he picked up his mother's car keys and we left for the car park. Along the way, we'd talked about his NS life, like what is he supposed to do, if a war breaks out. One thing that struck me most was his reminder that, no matter how bad is the blood between my family and I, we are still related by blood.

Something to think about, eh?

It was 1240 when we reached my place.

Upon reaching the room that I share with my 3rd sister, I changed clothes and put away the presents that I'd received. Deciding to put in so quality internet time, I turned on my laptop. Remembering Daniel's gift, I inserted the CD into the D/ and played it. Daniel's voice came out from the laptop's speakers. All of a sudden, I realized what was his gift for me. He had written a song. A very special song. All tailored for me. About my likes and dislikes. It was a song for me. It was really very touching. No one had ever done anything remotely like it before. He had really taken my words to heart, giving me a gift full of sincerity. Towards the end of the song, came the voices of Angeline, Sebastian, Ronny, Alvin, Danny and Catherine, each speaking their own message. Their words had really warmed me to the very depths of my heart. No words were adequate to express my feelings at their words and the great effort, hard work, energy, patience and time that Daniel had put in. It was wonderful. The song is beautiful.

Plenty of times, I'd wondered if I meant a thing to them, but now, this song, those voices had told me that I do mean some thing to them, of which I am very glad to know.

Once again, thank you.

Light my path
10:37:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Thursday, 23 February 2006

Happy Birthday to me!!!!

Another year has passed.....and I am one year older....

Lol.

When I was young and in primary school, 18 years old seems light years away. As the years passed by and I am finally 18, I wished I could stay that age forever, or at least till am ready to move on. When I hit the big 2, I wished I was still 18. Now that I am offiially 22 years old, though mourning the passing of my youth, I am glad to be growing up, maturing. Though, I am slowly moving past my prime, the years that I've had lived, friendships forged and formed, precious lessons learnt, from scrapped knees to heart wrenching pain, love and hate, joy and bitterness, fulfilment and regrets, taking and giving, holding on and letting go, hellos and goodbyes, I wouldn't exchange them for anything else.

Another thing that I look forward to, with age, is the growing intimacy with the Lord. As we grow older and continue to walk hand-in-hand with the Lord, lessons that we learn from Him, struggles that we go through, the joy of knowing that we are walking in the path He has planned, the closeness we enjoy with Him, the fear, pain and regrets that comes with being obstinate and refusing to heed His advice, all this equates to the spiritual maturity & wisdom that most of the older generation has. That is something irreplaceable. The follies and failures of our youth, turned into lessons taken to the heart and wisdom.

It has always and will always be my greatest desire to enjoy intimacy in my relationship with God and the oh, so sweet contentment and joy of knowing that God is smiling and pleased with me.

Hmm, my feelings for this year's birthday, are kind of mixed. Gladness, disappointment contentment and frustration. I think, in the end gladness and contentment won...=) Thank you to all those who remembered my birthday..I was very happy to receive so many SMSes wishing me happy birthday in the morning and throughout the day, from friends and my Small Group (church's cell group). I guess, I am a simple person, though at times, I may ask for specific things or hard to accomplish things or stuff, I am easily contented and happy with the simple things in life. I don't ask for the grandest birthtday parties or outings or extravagant presents, just a sincere greeting to let me know that I am remembered, would be enough.

I went to work this morning and was a little late, as I'd missed 2 buses... lol. I ate a bun for breakfast, before going out...the last time I ate breakfast, was like, years ago. I'd stopped eating breakfast ever since I'd graduated from secondary 4. Friends from the neighbouring pushcarts wished me happy birthday and one even bought me a brownie from Coffee Bean...=) Heek! Yummy! When my boss arrived, she wished me happy birthday and gave me a present...=D Yay!!!! I love receiving presents.....Hee!! I was supposed to knock off at 4pm.....took half day off...but to my surprise, my colleague came around 1510! Yay!!! Turns out, my boss had asked her to come as early as possible...=) Thank you!!!!!!

Thus, I was released early and had unexpected free time on my hands, after fooling around for awhile with my colleague and the friend from the neighbouring pushcart, I went to open a bank account. I had wanted to open one, last week, but I'd forgotten to bring my I/C....lol.

After opening an account and escaping from a nice, but "....." staff who suggested to me that I sign up for a savings plan, I bought a cup of bubble milk tea for a friend at a neighbouring pushcart and returned to the mall. After dropping the drink at her cart, I went off to another cart and bought a coins pouch, make-up pouch and ear studs - for days when I am giving my earrings a rest and don't want the ear holes to close. Lol.
Then, I went to Ebase and bought 3 tops, they are having a storewide sales, so the clothes are quite cheap, if not, usually, they are quite expensive. Seeing that it was almost time for me to meet Shuhui, I went to the toilet and put on some make-up, said good-bye to my pushcart neighbours and went to AMK mrt station.

We'd decided to go to West Mall, but in the end, settled for Causeway Point. Lol.
After walking around for a bit and seeing a top that I liked, we went to Sakae Sushi for dinner and continued walking around after that. We went around and bought some stuff, like a face mask, the top that I'd seen earlier, the strongest sun block I could find and a lip gloss. Shuhui bought around the same, minus the lip gloss & sun block...We passed by a shop that have those machines where people can take photos. We went in and took some photos too. It was fun! I love taking such photos....though it's a bit expensive....We ended up with some quite good shots...and got to decorate them before printing. I am not so good at the decorating part, though, if not the photos would have turned out even better!! Ah well.........=)

Around 2110, we went to Swenson’s for ice-cream and fries. Boy, was I embarrassed! And Shuhui and the customers who were within ear-shot or viewing distance, definitely got a good laugh!!!!!!!!! Heh.

Bah.

Lol.............

Man....I can't remember ever being embarrassed like that in public before...and certainly NOT on my birthday!

Lol.

As it is my birthday, I am entitled to a free ice-cream from Swensens, all I'd to do was to show my I/C. Later, when the ice-cream came, I got a 'surprise'. The staff had came with my complimentary ice-cream, with a few staff in tow. At this point, people in the restaurant, who are within that area, were looking over, wondering what was happening. The staff who was carrying the ice-cream, asked if I wanted them to sing a birthday song, with enough people looking over, for me to be embarrassed, I quickly declined, wishing that this hadn't happened and that we hadn't sat in such an open space. Shuhui started giggling like crazy, trying, but failing, or perhaps, trying not very hard, not to laugh. There were 3 guys sitting at the table right beside ours, though from the moment this episode happened, I'd scrupulously avoided looking at any stranger, from the corner of my eye, I could see this guy stifling his laughter.

Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy!!!!!!!

Haiz.

Sob.

Shuhui was no help at all...kept laughing...heh....

After wishing desperately that I could disappear, I convinced the staff, that there was no need to sing me a song. Thank God that they left it at that. Though, at that point, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I chose the former. It wouldn't be good that I ran out sobbing. Lol.

After some time, when Shuhui had ceased her laughter and the guys from the neighbouring tanle had left, I heaved a sigh of relief and started to eat my slightly melted ice-cream. Lol. Despite the embarrassment, it was funny, I suppose. Come to think of it, last ear, when Angeline, Ronny, Sebastian and I went to the Swenson’s at Holland Village, to celebrate Ronny's birthday, the staff, I think, did sang a birthday song for him....I can't really remember though..Lol. If only I'd remembered it sooner.......Heh.
Ha..It was fun....=)

All in a day's work..=P

Quite a birthday to be remembered..=) Hee..

Hmm...after polishing off the ice-creams and the fries, we paid up and started for home. Shuhui then, pointed to me that a girl was being arrested and in handcuffs, probably caught for stealing??

We boarded the train bound for Marina Bay. While on the train, somehow, we were overcome by giggles, due to Shuhui's sharp nose. Apparently, she'd picked up something that I didn't, probably due to the direction of the wind that I didn't smell it. It was smelly feet. Lol. Somehow or rather, we dissolved into giggles and when the train rolled to a stop at one of the stations, she whispered for me to hold my breath. Being quite breathless from the laughing bouts a few seconds ago, I was short of breath, but nevertheless, decided to hold my breath. After struggling and doing my best to hold it in, I couldnt't take it any more and decided to take a risk and cautiously gulped in fresh air. I braced myself for the hit of the foul smell that I'd caught the hint of earlier, but thank God, I didn't. Phew! Again, we laughed like crazy. Lol.

Not long after, I decided that I wanted to take photos, so she obligated by using her handphone ot take photos and using infra-red to send them to me. We even took a photo while going down the escalator. Lol. I find it okie....but she deleted it..sob.....there was a passer-by who looked at us funnily. Like we are weird. Lol.

After exiting from the control station and about to part ways, we met Arthur, a supervisor from our Mos Burger days....we had quite a chat, mostly with Shuhui and Arthur teasing each other...Lol. Arthur hadn't recognized me at the first glance, probably because I'd put on make-up....but inwardly, I was wondering, if it was because I'd put on weight, which was why he hadn't recognized me!!!! Sob!!!!!!!! I hope not!!! *cries*

As it was geting quite late, we soon parted and headed back home, but I pestered Shuhui to take a photo with me before we leave..=) Hee......Now my handphone has quite a number of photos! How I wish I can load them online, to my blog, or MSN..

When I reached home, my 3rd sister went to tthe kitchen and took out a cake from the refigerator, saying that our eldest sister had asked her to buy a cake for me. It is a chocolate cake from Angie's Choice. The cake looks yummy, with the thick chocolate all over the whole cake, I can't wait to devour it. Lol. I took several photos of it with my handphone camera, before returning it to the fridge. Then, my 3rd sister said to me, "Don't say that our eldest sister is always scolding you, she had asked me to buy a cake for you. She knows that chocolate is your favourite." I was like............okie................

Feelings of suspicion and disbelief immediately arose. I don't believe that she cares. To tell the truth, I think, my own family had forgotten my birthday, till I'd told my 3rd sister this morning that today is my birthday. Before I left for work, my mother told me not to go yet and hurriedly stuffed some money inside 2 red packets and gave them to me, as was the custom in this family.

Perhaps, it is due to the years of mistrust and bad blood between us, that I find it hard to believe that she'd really asked my 3rd sister to get a chocolate cake for me, on her behalf. In any case, though I do not believe that she really did this, a cake is a cake. And a chocolate cake is even better..=)

Upon reaching my room, I changed and removed my make-up. Excited to try out the facial mask that we'd gotten at Watson's, I washed my face and tried it out. It is okie, I think, though, my lips are a little dry?? My face feels quite alright, smooth, not dry or oily...=) So....the result is............*drum-roll*----Pass!!!!!!!!!!

Lol.

I've got to scram...off to bed and to dreamland..=) Heek. I'm going to cut my hair tomorrow afternoon and meet up with Catherine after that, to the gym.....haiz.....and to a dinner date....YAY!!

Light my path
11:54:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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