The Beauty of Simplicity

`` my daily journey. [#] `-

Sunday, 31 July 2005

I went to AMKMC today for service, the guest speaker preached about "Jacob's Ladder" - Genesis 28:10-22. When Jacob ran away from his brother after cheating him out of his blessing, he had a dream of angels ascending and descending from heaven on a ladder. The guest speaker preached that the Jacob's Ladder, refers to Jesus Christ. He is the Ladder to God.

Remember the food that God provided for His people when He led them out of Egypt? The food from heaven - manna. The manna can never last for more than a day, except on Saturdays, when God will provide more manna for His people to pick, so that they would have enough manna for both Saturdays and Sundays. In the same way, we need to feed upon new 'manna' each day. He even said that yesterday's manna was good, but it cannot sustain us for today. We need to feed upon the Lord's Word, everyday.

After service, I went to Life Bookstore to scout for potential books that will help me to study the Bible better. I found many. Ah, a treasure trove is found in books...=) After browsing for a super long time, I bought 3 books - Know What You Believe & Know Why You Believe by Paul E. Little (2-in-1 book), Lord, I Want to Know You by Kay Arthur (a book recommended by my small group member. My small group is using Kay Arthur's Inductive Study for bible study. I was surprised to find this book there, just waiting for me. My SG member had told me that she didn't think Life Bookstore would have it.) and Bible Answers For Almost All Your Questions by Elmer L. Towns. I am excited to start on them. Judging from my working schedule, I would have to study them on weekends. I am working from on all weekdays.

When my eyes searched the bookshelf, they found the Left Behind series, the latest book is out. This book is about Jesus 2nd Coming. Immediately, I opened the book. I wanted to see what happened in the story when the Lord came. I am not sorry that I read that part. It was SO POWERFUL, made me want to buy it, even if I didn't have any book in the series. I was so moved, so touched. There was one scene when Jesus asked Rayford (one of the main characters in the series) to go to Him. Rayford was shocked. He pointed to himself, asking Jesus if He is really calling him to go to Him. Jesus smiled and nodded. As Rayford walked nearer and nearer, He remembered all the things that he did and all the things that he didn't do. He felt so unworthy, so undeserving. The writers wrote this part VERY, VERY, VERY WELL. It was so real, the feelings that Rayford felt, I feel the exact same way. I started crying. My tears just came, as I stood at the corner holding that book in my hands. I rejoiced when I read what Jesus (in the book) said. There was a sentence that I remembered quite clearly. It goes something like...[Rayford's thoughts].....Jesus was as glad to see him as Rayford was. Do you know what it means? I don't know what that means to you, but for me, it was very impacting. I had never imagined, never thought of, never thought that the Lord would be GLAD to see me (I don't mean that God'll be scowling when we meet..=p). Little old me. The one who disobeys Him at almost every single turn of my life. I don't know how to put to words how I felt then. But, I'll try. I feel SO LOVED, that Jesus is SO GENTLE, COMPASSIONATE, FORGIVING.

Hmm...there was a part in the book, when Jesus spoke these words, "As you have received Me as your Lord, so walk in Me, rooted and built up in Me and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding with thanksgiving. You are complete in Me, the head of all principality and power." I felt that God is speaking to me, telling me to walk closely to Him, to read His Word, to grow in Him and be deeply rooted in Him.

After the small shake-up in the Life Bookstore and paying for my three books and some encouragement cards, I left for the 2nd level. There, I strolled around, looking at the VCDs that Poh Kim has to offer (there was some sort of VCD fair). I left Junction 8 after awhile. I decided to go to Sembawang Community Library to get started on the books that I had bought and spend QT with God, but on second thought, I decided not to (as there are no tables and chairs) and went to Woodlands Library. I was disappointed. There wasn't any available seats in Woodlands Library. I debated whether to do it in Mcdonald's or go to Sembawang Community Library. McDonald's won. Not because of the food, but because they have tables and chairs for me to do my stuff. Actually, going to Mcdonald's wasn't a good decision. Almost all of their stuff are fried and I am having the worst sore throat ever. I ordered my favourite Double Cheeseburger meal, with lemon lime juice. Being a naughty girl, I even asked for mayonnaise and chilli. Sobz..........
I had wanted to do my QT there, but the couple beside my table was too distracting. There were there to study, but they were playing around (not all the time), feeding each other with fries. I felt uncomfortable, thus decided to go to Sembawang Community Library to read, wait for Zhen Yang and do my QT at home.

After spending close to 3 hours in the library reading some pretty interesting stories and with no sign of Zhen Yang, I borrowed a book and bought hor fun (no chilli, this time) for dinner and went back.

I received a SMS from my boss telling me that she had deposited money inside my bank. I was surprised at the amount. She told me thatI am the top commission earner this month. I was more than surprised at this. These had lead me to see that God is being generous with me...=D I am reminded that he who gives much, will be blessed...or some thing like that. Remember the times when stuff was stolen from the cart this month and I paid for them? I think God is giving me back the money. The sales that day was great and the commission earned was more than enough to cover what I had forked out. And now my pay is higher than expected. I really have to give thanks to the Lord.

Hmm...just to mention some thing. As I was walking in Causeway Point, I saw an interesting shop and bought some thing that I like. Though, I think this thing will get Ronny started on his "I killed ___ (no. of cats) in my dream".....duh. Heh. I love cats. So there. BLEAAAAAAAH. *sticks out tongue at him* hee..=P

Got to go. It is past time for my QT and I am planning to sleep at 2300 tonight...=)

Light my path
9:21:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Hmm..Ahh...Feeling sick and tired. I had been a bad girl. I ate Lor Mee with chilli, despite my sore throat. It was aching so much that I could hardly swallow. And that was before I ate my Lor Mee with chilli. I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow. So exciting.

Ever since young, I had grown up in the midst of barbed insults, physical punishments and angry words. On tuesday, when I came back from my poly graduation. My mother asked me about it and even asked why didn't I invite her. I told her, she had never been free to go for any of my graduations (or any school functions) since young, why should this be any different? They had always been too busy or can't be bothered to go. Ever since the day when I got my O'Levels results and learnt of my family's "faith" in me, I had stopped putting my hope in them. My mother told me, that this time was different. What's different, I wondered. Every graduation is a big thing to me, but no one had bothered to go. The most important graduation was my sec school graduation, yet no one went. And what should I expect out of a poly education that took 4 years instead of the customary 3 years? Wouldn't they be even more ashamed of me? Wouldn't that repulse them? Why the sudden interest?

Just now, when she nagged at me to shut down my laptop and go to sleep, in the midst of her monologue, she said that as parents, they love their children. I had waited, waited for so long, yearned so much to hear these words. But now that I had heard them, I don't believe her. Those words didn't affect me at all. I felt nothing. I don't believe in her words anymore. I don't trust them anymore. I don't put my hope in them anymore. No longer do I yearn to hear such words. No longer do these words affect me.

Some how, some where, some time, I had stopped hoping for words of love.

Light my path
12:39:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Friday, 29 July 2005

Hmmm..I hadn't want to update today, as I am now running a high fever. I am burning up, with a sore throat to boot and super tired. But since I can go online to search for cake recipes, I can jolly well update and give the glory to the Lord...=)

I don't know why, but last night, when I was sleeping, I felt so cold, I was shivering, yet my body was burning up. My body ached like crazy when I got out of bed to go to the toilet. All night long, I was shivering and burning up at the same time. I groaned in distress (I was having a nightmare. I dreamt that I had contacted an incurable disease. In it, I struggled to tell someone of my feelings. I wanted to tell it to him, before it was too late, yet at the same time, I don't want him to accept me out of pity or anything. Throughout the whole dream, I agonized over whether to tell him or not. I don't think I told him, as throughout the whole dream I was struggling with telling him or not telling him. Bah.) and discomfort (my body was aching).

This morning, when I woke up, I wondered if I was able to go to work. Deciding that I was alright, I went to cook some oatmeal to take to work. After which I went to bathe. When I was done and tried to put on my clothes, I found myself short of breath, tired and faint. Dismayed, I went out and sat outside, trying to recover myself. For some time, I went through the cycle of feeling dizzy and feeling well. I debated over whether to go for work or not. After a long time, I decided to go and prayed before I left. Before I even stepped out of the house, I felt so tired. I called for a cab to come to my house lobby. I told myself that if I still don't feel well as the day progressed, I would SMS my boss to tell her.

Thank God, I was able to open up the cart despite feeling weak. As the day passed by, I felt alright, though my whole body was burning up. Thank God for providing me the strength to stick it out for today!!!=D

On my way home, I waited 7 mintues for my train, only to miss it as it was too full. I cursed..(Oppzzz...T.T). Not long after the next train came, I was able to get in. Upon reaching my destination, I slowly walked (I was feeling tired and my legs were aching) to the bus stop, prayerfully hoping that I hadn't missed my bus and that it wouldn't go zooming by just as I was reaching the bus stop. Just as I reached the bus stop, my bus came. I rejoiced and thank the Lord. I came to realize that perhaps I missed my train for a good reason. If I had gotten onto the first train, I would have to stand and wait for the bus. That would have been a little hard on me as I was feeling weak all over. Isn't the Lord kind, gentle and thoughtful??=D

Please pray for me that I'd be able to get well enough to work tomorrow as there is really no one who can work tomorrow if I can't work. Thank you...=p

Thank God!=D

Oh ya, by the grace of God, I am free from my 2nd job, I don't even have to serve the 14 full working days period..=) Thank God for making a way!! My God reigns! He is sovereign!

"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" - 1 Cor 10:12

Light my path
11:02:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Friday, 22 July 2005

In the silence of the night
While everyone is
Either sleeping,
Drinking the night away,
Working, studying
Or immersed in the virtual world
Called the Internet.
I know, I should be a good girl
And go to bed.
But, I just can’t.

An indescribable feeling
Is gnawing at me
I am feeling so lost
So lost.
Where am I? Where am I??
Is there anyone around
In this silent night
To give me directions
To point me in the way to go?

So lost. So lost.
I am so tired,
That I wanna sleep forever
Like the Sleeping Beauty
Only that I don’t wanna be waken up.
Let me stay like this forever.

The world is spinning,
And everyone with her.
But not me.
I am left out of the turns.
Is there no one out there?
Am I alone?
Dancing to my own tune?

What do you want?
What do you want?
What do you want?
The world asks me.

I don’t know.

I am lost and confused.
In need of a direction post.
I am tired and drained.
I wanna sleep forever, be in your arms forever.

I keep hoping and hoping.
I keep dreaming and dreaming.
What do I hope for?
I don’t know.
What do I dream of?
I had forgotten.

What do you call hopes
That are never realised?
And dreams that are never fulfilled?

Hopelessness.
Wishful thinking.

Light my path
1:09:00 am

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Monday, 18 July 2005

For the first time in my life (and I hope the last time), I pawed through a public dustbin.

Did your jaw hit the floor??

Pick it up and read on.

This afternoon, I went to NTUC to buy a carton of fruit juice. I gave the cashier my ATM card and I/C, as I am a member of Fairprice, thus I'd get a rebate if I showed my card. After collecting my drink, I went back to work.

By the time that I knocked off, I had finished my juice. I dumped the carton and the plastic bag and went to NTUC (again), to buy the ingredients for making a cake. When it was my turn to pay, I gave the cashier my ATM card and was horrified to find that I couldn't locate my I/C. As calm as I could, I searched my purse carefully, but couldn't find my I/C. My panic level raised. I had the most horrible suspicion that my I/C was in the dustbin. After paying, I went out and put my stuff on the nearest table and searched through my bag, hoping against hope that I'd find my I/C inside my bag.

Nope.

Zilch.

Nada.

No I/C.

Quickly, I rushed up the escalator and even zipped by some actors who were filming (oppzzz...I think I had interuppted a scene??? I don't know...but then...no one shouted at me...), to where I had dumped the empty carton. I looked inside, but couldn't see my plastic bag, the thought that the cleaners might have emptied the dustbin, crossed my mind, I was horrified and quickly pushed that thought off the nearest cliff. I hesitated in digging through the trash, I don't think the security and the cleaners would be very pleased if I dug through the trash. Thus, I called the mall's maintainence, who told me to call the security. I did, in short, the person wasn't very happy with me. He sent a security guard over. With his permission, I dug into the trash bin. I didn't look around to see who was looking. I didn't care either, my I/C is more important than 'face'. Thank God that I found the plastic bag that I'd dumped and my I/C!!!!!=D

Thank God!!!!!!
Thank God!!!!!!!!!
Thank God!!!!!!
Thank God!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank God!!!!!!!!!
Thank God!!!!!

Just as I was telling Ronny on MSN about it, a realization struck me. I could have discovered the loss of my I/C, only when I got home or days later!! Thank God!! In a way, I should thank Ronny too.....=) If I hadn't went to buy the ingredients for his cake.........my I/C would have been gone..............GONE....

Above all, thank God for the recovery of my I/C!!!!!

Thank You, Papa!!=D

Light my path
11:10:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Sunday, 17 July 2005

Hmmm....Went to AMKMC today for service. I don't know why, but as I was at AMK MRT station, waiting for the train to come, suddenly, I don't feel like going. The feeling was so strong. I just had a really 'sian' feeling about going there. Looking at my watch, I had another alternative. I can go for my church's 1130am service. But, I am unsure as to whether we have service today. Sometimes, there would be church camps or some thing, then we wouldn't have the 1130am service. Thus, I called one of my small group members, but she didn't answer. Then I had this thought, since the thought of going to AMKMC is giving me the wiggies and I am not sure if my church is having 1130am service, why not just skip it all?? Don't go church.

Isn't that easier??

I really, really struggled with it. Priscilla is down with diarrhea, there'd be no one to go with me. So, why don't I just skip church?? It's just this time. I can always go next week, my brain reasoned. But another side kicked in, but this is not correct. I can't go to church as and when I like. This went on and on.

I can't remember how or why, but when the train arrived, I boarded it and alighted at Bishan. I went for the service at AMKMC. Thank God for it.

After service, I'd wanted to approach Freddie (last sunday we promised to have lunch this week), but seeing that he had people around him (and I am shy about approaching him with so many strangers around) and thinking that he might have forgotten, I left. I went to the basement and got myself a PaPa Roti. Yummy!!!!!!! It is a coffee bun, with creamy (and absolutely fattening) goodness inside.

I took the escalator to level 2 and went to G2000 and Seiyu to look for clothes for my graduation ceremony. The blazers are sooooo........... expensive!! The ones in Seiyu are about $70!! It is really a senseless waste of money! To spend that much on a blazer that I would most probably wear only once or twice. I called Angeline to confirm again that I absolutely had to wear a blazer. In the end, she offered to lend me hers. But......hmmmm........we are sort of different in size, you know. Discounting the body mass, look at our shoulders, mine are wider. I have a bigger frame than her. I don't know how this is going to work out (just as I typed these words, this thought came into my mind - Trust God that things will work out), but if next Saturday, the blazer can't fit me, then, I'd just get a long sleeve white top and that's it. No blazer. Yup....=)

I had SMSed Freddie to tell him that Jared had decided to go back to his own church, so he doesn't have to bother finding him a cell group. He replied, telling me that he had wanted to eat lunch with me, but I disappeared. I told him that I was still in Junction 8 and asked if he was. to cut the story short, we met up for lunch at Ajisen and I discovered something interesting.

My secondary school classmate had passed away on Tues, 1900. This made me wonder about his salvation. Is his soul now in some area, waiting for Judgement? Or is he already in hell?? Knowing him, I am almost sure that he was, he was (I typed 'is', but I had to remind myself that he had died) an unbeliever. Thus, I asked Freddie some questions about people who might not have heard the gospel and had died. He told me that their souls would be waiting for Christ's 2nd coming, in a place called Shoel, (I forgot how he spelt it...or is it Sheol??), it is hell, I think, (don't take my words to the exact detail, I can't remember what he said exactly, I am just giving you the gist of what I'd heard) When Christ comes for the 2nd time, He'd go to hell to preach to them. If they accept, then they are saved, if not, then they are condemned. Hearing that I was relieved, at least there is hope for him, I think. But he cautioned me not to be too happy, my friend may still reject the truth. Come to think of it, am I being to assuming??

Perhaps he had heard of Christ and had rejected Him. This thought is scary. Then, I began to wonder, what if he hadn't heard the full Good News?? He doesn't know what needed to be done to be saved?? Is there hope for him?? Freddie reminded me that God is FAIR.

When I heard about his death, I was shocked and scared for him, his soul. This person who had died wasn't some faceless stranger to me. To me, he has a face, a name. We were in the same class for 4 years. For quite some time, I had even sat beside him. He may not be my friend, but he wasn't just an acquaintance either. Having someone you know dead and his salvation unsure, sure shake things up alittle. Call me selfish, but I am glad that it isn't one of my close friends. I don't mean that I am okie with his death, but I just can't imagine what it'd be like, knowing that your close friend had just left the earth, without Jesus Christ. I don't dare to think further. My friend was so young. He might be 20 yrs old or at most 21 yrs old...I am not sure if he had passed his 21st birthday. Now, I can only cry, "Mercy!! Mercy! Lord, have mercy!!"

How would I have felt if it was one of my closer friends? Like Shuhui?? Cesen?? They told me that each are entitled to their own beliefs. Yes, I agree with that, to a certain extent. Freedom in belief is okie, but not to the extent where your souls suffer ETERNALLY in hell. Lakes of fire. All that heat and stuff. Sounds like a kid's nightmare, an old wives' tale, but it is REAL!! It is TURE!!! Call me selfish, but I don't want to have the guilt of watching my friends suffer whle I am in heaven with the Lord. Do you know what it is like, to be in a comfortable place forever and ever, while your friends and loved ones are suffering forever and forever?? I don't know what it is like and I DO NOT WANT to know what it is like.

After lunch, I walked around for awhile before heading for Orchard. Ithought I had some books that are due, but when I was in Takashimaya, I remembered that I'd returned those books long time ago, when Jared came to my church. Bah.

I went up to Kinokuniya to get some books for a friend's bitrthday. A few weeks ago, several books had caught my eye. I'd copied down the titles. On the way to Orchard, I'd SMSed Janet and Daryl asking them to recommend some good books. After spending around 3 hours in Kinokuniya, I'd finally gotten 2 books. I'd wanted to get three, but...they are BURNING HOLES in my pocket. Really have to thank God for this - I'd wanted to get a book that not only helps me friend but alos offers biblical advice. And the Lord had provided!!! I'd walked around the section, but didn't find what I wanted. After some more walking around, (I even sat on the floor, leaning on a bookshelf, that was tucked away in a corner, as my legs were tired), I prayed to God to provide me the book that I want. I wandered around some more and finally found the book that I wanted!! The book wasn't there when I browsed through it the first 2 times!! God is gracious!!=) Yep! Thank God that He enabled me to spot it amidst all the books! Amazing??=D Ha....maybe God has His purpose for letting me spot it....Maybe this book will be of help to my friend and God will use it to speak to him..

Mission accomplished, I took the Marina Bay train and headed for home. I was really tired out, thus tried to sleep. Everything was alright, until a guy kept tapping his seat with his umbrella. I don't mind the sound. The problem is, the vibration. I could feel the impact! Thoroughly annoyed, when he didn't stop, I GLARED at him. I wasn't in a good mood. I am sick and tired, I need rest. Too bad for me, the man never saw my death glares. I thought of asking the man to stop, but decided against it as I am not one for confrontations.

This had made me think. If it was before, I would never had dared to ask him to stop. Just now, I seriously wanted to do it. I guess I have changed, yeah?? May be for the good?? Learning to speak up. The old me, would just have tried to glare the person to death, but would never dream of asking the person to stop.

Stopping in Sun Plaza, I did some stuff and bought some Portugese tarts for my colleagues at the workplace ner my house.

I paid them a visit and found the place to be in semi-darkness. It was my manager at work again. To cut costs, he's switched off the lights over the cashier counter and in the toilet. After some chit-chatting we left (a colleague who had just knocked off), my manager and another colleague to close up. We walked to the bus-stop, this colleague was talking non-stop. I was like........oh boy....Please save me, God! I want to go back. I wouldn't have mind if she was talking about some thing more interesting. But she talked about money, people are foolish to choose to be content with their lot in life, instead of grabbing hold of chances to make more money, values of houses, jobs with money....money....You get the idea?? She seems pretty nice....but I don't agree with her thinking about people are foolish if they don't grab hold opportunities to make money, when the chances presented themselves. Not all people talk money, eat money, breathe money, dream money.

Whoa.....it is late....I'd been writing for almost 2 hours!!!

Bye.

Light my path
8:49:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Saturday, 9 July 2005

Ah....I find myself getting more and more impatient. It seems like, with a better living environment, I've started to expect more and take things for granted. I catch myself getting more demanding, like I expect certain things to be done.

Ahhh....How I wish to be back in my previous house! I am being spoilt rotten, by this change in living condition!!

Yeah...I was working today. During evening or so, I called Sebas. I was in tears. Literally. I really felt so upset. So tired and worn out. Today, there are some new arrivals. Real leather wrist cuffs and braclets. Real leather is real expensive. No joke. Guess what?? One leather wrist cuff got stolen. It costs $23.80.

Gone.

I have to work almost 5 hours to get this amount.

At that point of time, I was really, really, really very upset. My eyes started to water and my face turned red. Thank God that there wasn't any customers around the cart at that time. It would have been embarrassing to be seen crying in public. I was struggling not to cry and scream and let forth the torrent of cursings in my mouth. I don't know to let forth which one. But tears started to leak out. Curses appeared in my mind. I was so upset and so sad and furious. I just can't accept that I have to pay for what others steal. I chose never to tell my boss. Not because of scoldings or anything. I just don't want her to be upset or cause her to have more problems. She has enough on her mind.

Poof.

Taken by a theif who couldn't keep his hands to himself.
Who has to steal in order to get what he wants.
Who made me pay for the thing that he stole.

$23.80.

As I was struggling not to call curses upon this thief, somehow this verse came into my mind, "Bless, do not curse." This made me calm down, yet at the same time, made me more furious and upset. How CAN I ever bless the thief who made me pay for what he had stolen???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I realised that God is trying to calm me down. I called Sebas and told him everything. As I related what had happened, the water-works started again. I got angrier as I thought of the thief who was enjoying his wrist cuff, while I had to pay out of my own pocket, money that I had to work hard for. After putting down, I tried to control the flow of the water-works. I stared at the shirts wrapped in plastic and cried out to God. I asked Him, why? WHY?? Why does this always happend to me?? I am sick and tired of paying for people who steal from me! I told Him, I told myself, that God is good. He has His purpose for allowing this to happen. I kept telling myself that. It was a struggle to believe in those words.

Soon after, a customer came and bought a shirt. She was really nice. Even folded back the clothes for me, nicely. At that point, I couldn't take it if it was a nasty customer. Thank God for such a person!=)

Not long after, another person came by, wanting to buy shirts. More customers followed. Soon, I was pretty busy till around 1900 or so. I walked around, tidied the stuff and decided to have dinner. Halfway through, someone came to buy a shirt. After serving the person, I went back to my meal at 2030. When there was 1/5 of food left, I started getting busy again. I never got to finish the last 1/5 of my dinner. Things were busy for the next 1 hr and more. By the time things quietened down, it was past time for me to close shop.

Sales was great today. We hadn't had this figure for a long, long time.

I thank the Lord for all that He has given today. With the commission earned, it may cover the loss that I had suffered. Really thank the Lord for today's great sales.

"Shall we accept good from God and not trouble??"

Jonathan came today and bought a shirt. Yep. Very nice shirt...=) I am planning to get that too. Except that he took the size that I want. Heh. Had a good time chatting with him. I told him about my deciding to consider changing church. He advised me not to. If I hadn't been growing in my church, he asked me to pray and reflect about it, to see what is the problem.

Timothy (from crusade)and his sister came in the evening, but I wasn't free to talk much with them as there was a number of customers...=)

Very happy to see both Jonathan and Timothy...=)

Light my path
11:46:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Friday, 8 July 2005

Something happened when I was closing the cart for the day.

There was this guy, he had came earlier in the day, to ask about our wrist band. When I told him the price, he asked if it could be reduced. I told him no, our prices are fixed. He went away. He came when I was closing.

He kept bargaining. Saying, $6?? Or $6.50?? Or $5?? Please la. Please. Please, $6.50. All to which I firmly said, "No". He then said, he would ask from his friend. But, from what I observed, he went around asking passer-bys. I was disturbed. As quick as I could, I continued packing up, but keeping a close eye on the stuff. The guy came back AND continued to bargain. The same happened as before. He asked to call my boss to ask if he can buy at $6.50. I told him, "No, our items are fixed price." He still persisted on. He even asked people who stopped by the cart to browse, if they are my boss!!!!!!!!!!! At this point, I officially freaked out. I was scared. Yet angry. I don't know what this guy is up to, but he obviously wants the wrist band alot. He had said that he hadn't enough money. I told him, then to come back another day. He mumbled that he seldom come here..blah..all that crap. Bullshit.

Then later....he told me that he needs the money to take train. Please! Does he think that I am stupid??!! If you don't have enough money, then, you wouldn't buy, right??

Finally, he bought it, using a 10-note to pay. The wrist band costs $7. He still has $3 left!!! Which is more than enough!! It can get you everywhere!! Even! Even, if it couldn't, then, DON'T BUY!!! It is really disturbing the way he persisted in getting a lower price. Isn't that lying?? I know that I am gullible, but not to this extent! This is an insult to my intelligence!!!!!!!!!! I am not STUPID! Bastard! I was scared just now, really scared. You have no idea how freaked out I was. But now, I am furious.

This is not the end.

After ripping the package apart, he put on the wrist band and left, only to come back, like 5 seconds later, saying that he wants to exchange. The wrist band has a cross. He said his parents would scold him if they saw it. I am like.......you took almost half an hour to bargain with me, cheat passer-bys of their money, bargain again, lied, chose and bought it. Now, you are telling me that the wrist band has a cross and you can't wear it???! What a lie!!! The person had seen it since afternoon, he KNOWS that the wrist band has a cross on it!!!!!!!!!!!! Firmly, I said "No, we don't do exchange for such items." After some fuss, he went away, for good.

I don't know why, but I was quite shaken by this whole thing. You may think that I am over-reacting, but I was really freaked out and scared. Quickly, I did everything that needed to be done and locked up, deposited the money and took a cab home. In the cab, when I SMSed people to pray for the cart, my hands were so cold. I was really shaken. I don't know why. I may be paranoid, but I SMSed people to pray for the safety of the cart, for I fear that the man may try something funny. Like vandalise the cart, try to steal...I don't know.

Yesterday, my boss told me that some one attempted to steal a wrist band. Coincedience or not, it is the same design as the one the guy bought.

I was so shaken that I felt real bad and went to get some food to calm myself down.

So, those who had prayed for the cart, a million thanks to you.

Light my path
10:48:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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Thursday, 7 July 2005

Hmmm..it has been a long time since I updated, yes?? actually, only 8 days...according to my blogger...=)

Well, alot of things had happened. As you had read from the previous post, I am thinking of switching church. I still haven't made up my mind. I am somehow caught in the middle. Remember the Network course which I'd attended a few months ago?? I went for the follow-up consultation, where the counsellor and I chose 3 ministries in which I may join. I want to try out these ministries. They are the children's ministry - Sunday school, Cradle Roll (helping parents take care of children less than 2 yrs old) and LTI Logistic Helper. I want to try them all. I like babies, so maybe I am leaning towards th Cradel Roll. But then, I dont mind the Logistic Helper too, it seems like they need someone for it. But the problem is, I'd be working alone. For me, that defeats my purpose in joining a ministry. I want to grow together, with others, not alone. On the other hand, I would like to work alone too, in the sense that, there won't be any conflicts with people, as I'd be working alone. But, being an assistant Sunday School teacher is interesting too. I love angelic kids.

All these wouldn't be a problem if I am not considering to change church. On one hand, I do not want to be "disloyal" to my church, but on the other, I am enjoying the worship at AMKMC more than the one in my church. But this alone, I believe, is not a sufficient enough reason to change church. I mean, I've only beeen to their service, not the cell, nor church. I don't know the church mission, vision..blah....I am torn between attending their cell, or not. In my mind, once I try for their cell, I believe I am taking a big step towards changing church. Thus, I am hesitating. Plus, I am now working on thurs too, for the time being, and their cell is on thurs. Perhaps, in a way, this is good - time for me to pray and think through.

That over with, let's move on to my second dilemma.

My boss told me that my colleague is quitting. She is now very short-handed. She asked me to consider working full-time for her. The problem is, in my the other working place, the one near my house, w are short-handed too. My TL left last month, one full-time staff will be transferred out too. My manager even asked me,if I have any friends who wants to work. If I say I am quitting........................What an uproar it will be.

I hate confrontations.

I hate being involved in one.

How? How??

You know, when my boss asked me to consider working full-time for her and when I thought about the other working place being short on staff, a verse ran through my mind, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." - Matt 6:24

Woo hoo.........

Haiz,

I had never thought that there would be problems when I took up two jobs. Now, the problem has surfaced and is demanding that I take care of it.

I guess, it is a natural choice to choose to work full-time for my boss. Though this place offers more money, I am not in it for the money. I want to work for my boss, I want to help her. But, how do I leave the other place? I can't just lie and say that I am going to look for full-time job or to study. At the interview, I'd said that I'd be working for them till the end of the year. Now, I'll be breaking my word. I want to wait and see how things go. But I am afraid that if this drags on, more problems will occur. My TL said that he is thinking of asking me to work more. And now.........................

Haiz.

I am really caught in the middle.

Ah....I had been listening to Jeff Chang's CD for the past week or more. He is accompanying me wherever I go...=) Jeff Chang's voice is really great! Among all the singers, I love all of Jeff Chang's songs. And I mean ALL. There is no other singer who is able to make me like all of his or her songs. Except for Jeff Chang.

Hmm...I am thinking of going for the Snow. Wolf. Lake. musical. My favourite artist is in it - Nnadia Chan, Chen Song Ling.

Lord Reign In Me

Over all the earth, You reign on high
Every mountain stream, every sunset sky
But my one request, Lord my only aim
Is that You'd reign in me again

Lord reign in me, reign in Your power
Over all my dreams, in my darkest hour
You are the Lord of all I am
So won't You reign in me again

Over every thought, over every word
May my life reflect the beauty of my Lord
'Cause You mean more to me than any earthly thing
So won't You reign in me again

This song really represents what I am feeling now. " Lord, reign in me, reign in Your power, over all my dreams, in my darkest hour......May my life reflect the beauty of my Lord, 'cause You mean more to me than any earthly thing."

Light my path
10:42:00 pm

youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*

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