`` my daily journey. [#] `-
Light my path
11:27:00 pm
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I find myself expressing myself more and more, in these writings. My confusions and struggles, into writngs of questions and wonders...This piece of work, describes what I am now going through.
Light my path
1:49:00 am
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Light my path
12:11:00 am
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Light my path
12:56:00 am
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The End!
Do you find it weird?? I am just trying out new writing styles..=) Inspiration struck when I was on the train, so I saved it in my handphone. Very handy, huh?=D I'm thinking that some part of the song can be a bit rap?? I don't know...Ha...I quite like soothing songs.. Remember to visit my blog - From the Heart - http://hazelnutzz-heart.blogspot.com/ for more writings! I am going to place all my work there...=)
Light my path
11:11:00 pm
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Light my path
10:36:00 pm
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Light my path
11:52:00 pm
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Light my path
11:00:00 pm
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Light my path
12:41:00 pm
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Light my path
11:19:00 pm
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I'd written this on Monday...What do you think??=)
Light my path
12:51:00 am
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Light my path
9:21:00 pm
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Light my path
10:52:00 pm
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Light my path
10:53:00 pm
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Light my path
11:05:00 pm
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Light my path
2:02:00 pm
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Sunday, 26 June 2005
Hmmm...I'd a good day, I suppose...=) No work for me on Sundays as I'll be working on Saturdays for the time being as the girl who is supposed to work on Saturdays, bailed on my boss. I woke up around 930am, bathed and went for AMK Methodist's service. I am glad to be able to stay throughout the whole service, unlike my previous visits, as I had to work.
Today's worship was good...=) I've learnt some things from a sister in-Christ from AMK Methodist. I had asked her some questions while waiting for Freddie. She told me that, though we may not feel like it, I quote an example: When we are in a down period of our lives, we don't feel God's presence and things had been tough. When we come to church to worship, the songs are songs of praise and thanksgiving. At this point in time, most probably, we aren't very joyful and our hearts may be burdened, thus unable to sing the songs like we mean it. Even if we do sing the songs, we'd be like just singing for the sake of it. Does this makes us a hypocrite? Or like, we are lying before the Lord?? This sister told me that, though we may feel down and all, but we still have a choice, we can still choose to worship the Lord. Though we may not be feeling very thankful or happy or in a joyful mood as things are bad, we can make a choice, to worship the Lord, to tell Him that, in spite of all the blah things that is happening, we choose to praise Him and trust Him. For He knows our hearts and our concerns.
It is a matter of choice. Half empty or half full??
For today's sermon, the pastor talked about giving. The passage is Luke 12:13-21. It is about a man who got conceited about his abundance in wealth. He saw that he had more than he needed and decided to tear down his barns to build bigger ones, to hold his crops. And he planned to realx, take it easy and enjoy life, eat, drink and be merry (v 18-19).God called this man a fool. For he'll die and what will happen to the wealth that he had stored up for himself (v20)??
This man had forgotten WHO is the one who gave him a good harvest. True, maybe he had worked hard for it, but Psalm 127:1 says that - "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."
For if the Lord is not with us, no matter HOW very hard we work, all will come to naught.
The pastor continued with a story of a pastor who was in a restaurant eating lunch. It was crowded and a man asked the pastor, if he minds sharing a table. The pastor was okie with it. When the pastor's food arrived, he bowed his head and gave thanks. The other man was curious. He asked the pastor, "Are you having a headache?" The pastor answerd, "No." The man again asked, "Then, is the food bad?" To which the pastor again replied, "No". And he continued, I was giving thanks to God for my food." At this the man said scornfully, "So, you are ONE of those people!" The man continued, "I never give thanks for my food. I work for it with my own two hands. I DESERVE it." I think the man said some more, but I forgot what the pastor (who is giving the sermon) said. Continue with the story...The pastor (in the story) replied to the man, "Yes, I know. You are just like my dog."
Whoa...
Right??
At this point, I want to put in my comments. The man thinks that he had worked hard for his food, by his own hands. But, WHO gave this man, his hands? Who gave him the ABILITY to work? His TALENT? Who? Don't tell me it's all natural. He learnt it by himself. Bah. WHO was it who gave the man the ability to learn?? No way can we say that we did ANYTHING by ourselves. No way. Anyone who says that is a LIAR. We can do things, because God ENABLED us to have the abilities to do them.
The pastor quoted Proverbs 11:4 - "Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death." He then told us of a man (I forgot what is his name), he was very rich, richer than Beckham (the pastor said that). This man, used his wealth to sponser pastors, missionaries (erm...again my memory fails me, I can't remember the people whom the man supported), because of this, there was a revival for 2 centuries (I am quite sure that the pastor said it, but then again, I may be wrong).
In Deuteronomy 8, the bible told us, not to forget the Lord when we are in good times, when we have more than we need. For the Lord IS the one who gave it all to us. It is not wrong to enjoy the fruits of our labour, but DO NOT forget the Lord and our neighbours.
After the service, I had wanted to leave, but Freddie asked me to have lunch with him. Thus, we went to Ajisen Ramen. It was a good time spent...=) During the 2 hrs we were together, he mentioned at least 5 times about my coming to join their cell group. A few weeks ago, he had commented that I had been only able to join them for 30 mins of worship, after which I'd to go for work, maybe one day my boss will delay our cart's opening hours. At that time, I brushed it off as something not possible, due to the rules and regulations of the mall's managment. But now, see what happens?? I am attending the service and staying throughout! Freddie said that if I'd prayed, then God is answering my prayer, if I hadn't, God knows what I want or need and is being gracious and answered what I hadn't asked.
This caused me to think. Is God opening a way for me to worship at AMK Methodist?? I have to admit that I am pretty comfortable there. But I don't quite dare to take another step as my thought is, "What about my own church??" Though, technically speaking, I am not a member yet, as I hadn't gone for the membership classes. I am sort of committed?? I don't know how to put it, but I am not the type of person who ditches people or anything. Thus, I am now stuck. What is holding me back? Sense of responsibility? Of committment? Or that I am fearful of stepping out of my comfort zone to get to know people? Yes, I do chit-chat with my brothers and sisters in-Christ at AMKMC, but this is different from OPENING up my life to a new group of people. It is more than just clowning around or talking every sunday.
Freddie mentioned some thing that I think God may be pointing out to me. At times we may pray very hard, very fervently, yet God doesn't seem to be answering and we think that God is slow in answering our prayers. Actually, the problem is with us. Firstly, we may be asking out of selfish motives. Secondly, it may be that some thing is wrong with us, it may be our attitude or some thing else. Or that, God is ready to give it to us, but we are not ready to receive it form the Lord. The days when I work at JP, the sales are bad. No kidding. This really made me all down, though I tried not to. In addition, it is really stressful working at JP as the crime rate is high. Really terrible. The lousy sales and the need to keep a very, very, very, very, very, VERY alert watch on our stuff, are really making me very stressed. I kept praying to God, crying out to Him to deliver me from this lousy sales. Though the sales isn't very good, but God still provides enough that the sales doesn't look very bad, like $100...Ya. Thank God for His graciousness!=) Sales was bad for the weekend. Though I tried not to, but I can't help thinking that God may be punishing me in a way, for not doing my QT. Or any possibility is that I am being tested? I am constantly being reminded of Job and these verses:
"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.' " - Job 1:21
"...Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?' " - Job 2:10
As I'd written earlier, may be God is speaking through Freddie - that I am not ready to receive His blessings.
Please do keep me in your prayers...=) Thanks!
Freddie had asked about my plans for the future. I'd told him that I plan to get a full-time job, work for 3yrs and go SIM-OU to study language. But these are just my plans, what I want may not be what God wants. He said true, but I can pray that, if the Lord be willing, to answer my prayer, to let it be true, to let this become part of His plans for me.
I wonder what the Lord has in mind for me?? Somehow, I hope to put into good use, the writing ability that He has blessed me with.
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." - Habakkuk 3:17-19
This really going to be a very long entry..Arrgghhh...it's 0107 in the morning and I have not finished updating! Well, after lunch, Freddie dropped me at Paragon. I wanted to scout for a friend's birthday present. I went to the children's section at Metro but couldn't find what I wanted. I asked the sales assistant where could I get whatI want. She suggested the Toys 'R Us in Paragon and Takashimaya. I couldn't find it in Toys 'R Us, thus went to Takashimaya. There.........THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!=D Frankly, I don't see anything special about this thing, but since my friend likes it, ah well, who am I to judge?? To each his/her own, right?? I mean, I LOVE Sailormoon and loads of people think that it's funny. Well. LAY OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bah.
Sailormoon's great! Don't compare it with the lousy excuse of an anime to the original thing. It is a story of depth, of love and courage. Being strong, despite of fears, in order to protect the loved ones. Overcoming the pain of losing loved ones an having friends betray you.
After getting the present, I went to my favourite place in the world (this place shares the No. 1 place with the library).
Yep.
Kinokuniya.
I browsed around for more than 3 hrs...Ah...time passes by soooo...... quickly!! I spotted some great books, to name a few, books by C.S. Lewis and another author (again, my memory fails me..this is bad...BAD..) As the books I wanted to buy were very expensive, in total, they add up to a hundred. Yep. That's only 3 books. There is a book which costs around $60 and a little more. I was torn between buying everything immediately or waiting. You see, I am thinking of applying for the Kino privilege card, so that I'll have a discount whenever I buy books. Since the books that I want to buy are so expensive, I want to wait for the card before buying. But I am an impulsive person when it comes to buying stuff that I want. Thus, it was a real struggle to put back the books and walk out. *Must save $$$* Haiz.
It was ten past five when I left Kino. I went to U2, Giordano an Bossini to check out some clothes. In the end, I bought a shirt. Yep. After stopping to grab a drink, I went to Popular to get a pen (I'd wanted to buy it at Kino, but there was a super long queue), I don't know why, but I'd lost all my pens. Every pen that I put inside my bag, just disappeared mysteriously. My pencil is still here. My highlighter is still intact. Except my pens. I'd lost 3-4 pens. No kidding. Maybe there is a black hole inside my bag. Duh.
I'd gotten a game too. A PC RPG game..=) It seems interesting, except that it is in Mandarin. Bah. Sfter which, I went to Sembawang Music Centre (is that the name of the CD shop??) and looked around. I had no intention of buying...but somehow, I asked for Jeff Cheung's CD. After seeing it, I decided to get it as well. I didn't download his latest songs as I want to support him by getting his CD..=)
After all these purchases, I jumped onto the train and went home.
Tada.
Today's worship was good...=) I've learnt some things from a sister in-Christ from AMK Methodist. I had asked her some questions while waiting for Freddie. She told me that, though we may not feel like it, I quote an example: When we are in a down period of our lives, we don't feel God's presence and things had been tough. When we come to church to worship, the songs are songs of praise and thanksgiving. At this point in time, most probably, we aren't very joyful and our hearts may be burdened, thus unable to sing the songs like we mean it. Even if we do sing the songs, we'd be like just singing for the sake of it. Does this makes us a hypocrite? Or like, we are lying before the Lord?? This sister told me that, though we may feel down and all, but we still have a choice, we can still choose to worship the Lord. Though we may not be feeling very thankful or happy or in a joyful mood as things are bad, we can make a choice, to worship the Lord, to tell Him that, in spite of all the blah things that is happening, we choose to praise Him and trust Him. For He knows our hearts and our concerns.
It is a matter of choice. Half empty or half full??
For today's sermon, the pastor talked about giving. The passage is Luke 12:13-21. It is about a man who got conceited about his abundance in wealth. He saw that he had more than he needed and decided to tear down his barns to build bigger ones, to hold his crops. And he planned to realx, take it easy and enjoy life, eat, drink and be merry (v 18-19).God called this man a fool. For he'll die and what will happen to the wealth that he had stored up for himself (v20)??
This man had forgotten WHO is the one who gave him a good harvest. True, maybe he had worked hard for it, but Psalm 127:1 says that - "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."
For if the Lord is not with us, no matter HOW very hard we work, all will come to naught.
The pastor continued with a story of a pastor who was in a restaurant eating lunch. It was crowded and a man asked the pastor, if he minds sharing a table. The pastor was okie with it. When the pastor's food arrived, he bowed his head and gave thanks. The other man was curious. He asked the pastor, "Are you having a headache?" The pastor answerd, "No." The man again asked, "Then, is the food bad?" To which the pastor again replied, "No". And he continued, I was giving thanks to God for my food." At this the man said scornfully, "So, you are ONE of those people!" The man continued, "I never give thanks for my food. I work for it with my own two hands. I DESERVE it." I think the man said some more, but I forgot what the pastor (who is giving the sermon) said. Continue with the story...The pastor (in the story) replied to the man, "Yes, I know. You are just like my dog."
Whoa...
Right??
At this point, I want to put in my comments. The man thinks that he had worked hard for his food, by his own hands. But, WHO gave this man, his hands? Who gave him the ABILITY to work? His TALENT? Who? Don't tell me it's all natural. He learnt it by himself. Bah. WHO was it who gave the man the ability to learn?? No way can we say that we did ANYTHING by ourselves. No way. Anyone who says that is a LIAR. We can do things, because God ENABLED us to have the abilities to do them.
The pastor quoted Proverbs 11:4 - "Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death." He then told us of a man (I forgot what is his name), he was very rich, richer than Beckham (the pastor said that). This man, used his wealth to sponser pastors, missionaries (erm...again my memory fails me, I can't remember the people whom the man supported), because of this, there was a revival for 2 centuries (I am quite sure that the pastor said it, but then again, I may be wrong).
In Deuteronomy 8, the bible told us, not to forget the Lord when we are in good times, when we have more than we need. For the Lord IS the one who gave it all to us. It is not wrong to enjoy the fruits of our labour, but DO NOT forget the Lord and our neighbours.
After the service, I had wanted to leave, but Freddie asked me to have lunch with him. Thus, we went to Ajisen Ramen. It was a good time spent...=) During the 2 hrs we were together, he mentioned at least 5 times about my coming to join their cell group. A few weeks ago, he had commented that I had been only able to join them for 30 mins of worship, after which I'd to go for work, maybe one day my boss will delay our cart's opening hours. At that time, I brushed it off as something not possible, due to the rules and regulations of the mall's managment. But now, see what happens?? I am attending the service and staying throughout! Freddie said that if I'd prayed, then God is answering my prayer, if I hadn't, God knows what I want or need and is being gracious and answered what I hadn't asked.
This caused me to think. Is God opening a way for me to worship at AMK Methodist?? I have to admit that I am pretty comfortable there. But I don't quite dare to take another step as my thought is, "What about my own church??" Though, technically speaking, I am not a member yet, as I hadn't gone for the membership classes. I am sort of committed?? I don't know how to put it, but I am not the type of person who ditches people or anything. Thus, I am now stuck. What is holding me back? Sense of responsibility? Of committment? Or that I am fearful of stepping out of my comfort zone to get to know people? Yes, I do chit-chat with my brothers and sisters in-Christ at AMKMC, but this is different from OPENING up my life to a new group of people. It is more than just clowning around or talking every sunday.
Freddie mentioned some thing that I think God may be pointing out to me. At times we may pray very hard, very fervently, yet God doesn't seem to be answering and we think that God is slow in answering our prayers. Actually, the problem is with us. Firstly, we may be asking out of selfish motives. Secondly, it may be that some thing is wrong with us, it may be our attitude or some thing else. Or that, God is ready to give it to us, but we are not ready to receive it form the Lord. The days when I work at JP, the sales are bad. No kidding. This really made me all down, though I tried not to. In addition, it is really stressful working at JP as the crime rate is high. Really terrible. The lousy sales and the need to keep a very, very, very, very, very, VERY alert watch on our stuff, are really making me very stressed. I kept praying to God, crying out to Him to deliver me from this lousy sales. Though the sales isn't very good, but God still provides enough that the sales doesn't look very bad, like $100...Ya. Thank God for His graciousness!=) Sales was bad for the weekend. Though I tried not to, but I can't help thinking that God may be punishing me in a way, for not doing my QT. Or any possibility is that I am being tested? I am constantly being reminded of Job and these verses:
"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.' " - Job 1:21
"...Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?' " - Job 2:10
As I'd written earlier, may be God is speaking through Freddie - that I am not ready to receive His blessings.
Please do keep me in your prayers...=) Thanks!
Freddie had asked about my plans for the future. I'd told him that I plan to get a full-time job, work for 3yrs and go SIM-OU to study language. But these are just my plans, what I want may not be what God wants. He said true, but I can pray that, if the Lord be willing, to answer my prayer, to let it be true, to let this become part of His plans for me.
I wonder what the Lord has in mind for me?? Somehow, I hope to put into good use, the writing ability that He has blessed me with.
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." - Habakkuk 3:17-19
This really going to be a very long entry..Arrgghhh...it's 0107 in the morning and I have not finished updating! Well, after lunch, Freddie dropped me at Paragon. I wanted to scout for a friend's birthday present. I went to the children's section at Metro but couldn't find what I wanted. I asked the sales assistant where could I get whatI want. She suggested the Toys 'R Us in Paragon and Takashimaya. I couldn't find it in Toys 'R Us, thus went to Takashimaya. There.........THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!=D Frankly, I don't see anything special about this thing, but since my friend likes it, ah well, who am I to judge?? To each his/her own, right?? I mean, I LOVE Sailormoon and loads of people think that it's funny. Well. LAY OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bah.
Sailormoon's great! Don't compare it with the lousy excuse of an anime to the original thing. It is a story of depth, of love and courage. Being strong, despite of fears, in order to protect the loved ones. Overcoming the pain of losing loved ones an having friends betray you.
After getting the present, I went to my favourite place in the world (this place shares the No. 1 place with the library).
Yep.
Kinokuniya.
I browsed around for more than 3 hrs...Ah...time passes by soooo...... quickly!! I spotted some great books, to name a few, books by C.S. Lewis and another author (again, my memory fails me..this is bad...BAD..) As the books I wanted to buy were very expensive, in total, they add up to a hundred. Yep. That's only 3 books. There is a book which costs around $60 and a little more. I was torn between buying everything immediately or waiting. You see, I am thinking of applying for the Kino privilege card, so that I'll have a discount whenever I buy books. Since the books that I want to buy are so expensive, I want to wait for the card before buying. But I am an impulsive person when it comes to buying stuff that I want. Thus, it was a real struggle to put back the books and walk out. *Must save $$$* Haiz.
It was ten past five when I left Kino. I went to U2, Giordano an Bossini to check out some clothes. In the end, I bought a shirt. Yep. After stopping to grab a drink, I went to Popular to get a pen (I'd wanted to buy it at Kino, but there was a super long queue), I don't know why, but I'd lost all my pens. Every pen that I put inside my bag, just disappeared mysteriously. My pencil is still here. My highlighter is still intact. Except my pens. I'd lost 3-4 pens. No kidding. Maybe there is a black hole inside my bag. Duh.
I'd gotten a game too. A PC RPG game..=) It seems interesting, except that it is in Mandarin. Bah. Sfter which, I went to Sembawang Music Centre (is that the name of the CD shop??) and looked around. I had no intention of buying...but somehow, I asked for Jeff Cheung's CD. After seeing it, I decided to get it as well. I didn't download his latest songs as I want to support him by getting his CD..=)
After all these purchases, I jumped onto the train and went home.
Tada.
Light my path
11:27:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Friday, 24 June 2005
I can see your face
So clearly.
As though you are right beside me.
From your shaped brows,
To your expressive oval eyes,
Your sculpted nose,
High cheekbones, soft skin,
Firm lips
And to your strong jaw.
All these are so clear to me.
So clear, so clear.
It is as though you are right beside me.
No matter what you do
Or don’t do,
You drew my attention
And captured my heart.
My eyes can not
And does not want to look away.
When you are near,
Everything seems alright
I am excited,
My heart thumps.
When you are away,
I think of you
Wondered what you are doing
If you think of me,
The way I of you
I wondered if you are happy,
If you are safe
I want to protect your world
Keep you safe from harm
I want to realize your dreams
Every thing for you.
Any thing for you.
People tell me,
This is love.
They tell me
That I am in love with you.
Am I? I wondered.
How do I know?
What is love?
Is this love?
Is it truly love?
Or am I in love
With the idea of being in love?
Your face fades away.
It had been a mirage after all.
A face in the water…
As real as can be,
Till it is destroyed
By the passing wind
Blowing across.
So clearly.
As though you are right beside me.
From your shaped brows,
To your expressive oval eyes,
Your sculpted nose,
High cheekbones, soft skin,
Firm lips
And to your strong jaw.
All these are so clear to me.
So clear, so clear.
It is as though you are right beside me.
No matter what you do
Or don’t do,
You drew my attention
And captured my heart.
My eyes can not
And does not want to look away.
When you are near,
Everything seems alright
I am excited,
My heart thumps.
When you are away,
I think of you
Wondered what you are doing
If you think of me,
The way I of you
I wondered if you are happy,
If you are safe
I want to protect your world
Keep you safe from harm
I want to realize your dreams
Every thing for you.
Any thing for you.
People tell me,
This is love.
They tell me
That I am in love with you.
Am I? I wondered.
How do I know?
What is love?
Is this love?
Is it truly love?
Or am I in love
With the idea of being in love?
Your face fades away.
It had been a mirage after all.
A face in the water…
As real as can be,
Till it is destroyed
By the passing wind
Blowing across.
I find myself expressing myself more and more, in these writings. My confusions and struggles, into writngs of questions and wonders...This piece of work, describes what I am now going through.
Light my path
1:49:00 am
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
I've just got back home, after celebrating Sebas' 22nd birthday. Soo........
HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY, SEBASTIAN!!!!
There, happy??=D Specially for YOU!!=P
Hmm...I don't think I'll write much here, as all that I want to say to you, is on the card..I just thank the Lord for you in my life, You are an important presence! You know, I worte some thing for Winnie, about 1-2 years ago, during the time when the disciples appreciate their disciplers. I wrote some thing fo Winnie. May be i'll write something for you too??=p Maybe....Ha...If inspiration strucks...
Today had been a busy day....when I woke up, it was almost 11am...Yep.. I switched on my laptop and surfed around....here and there...bah....time passed pretty fast...soon it was almost 1700. Realizing that it was late, I quickly vacuumed and mopped the house. It only took me 30 mins to do everything. Yes, everything. Ha...The job was done quickly as I realized that I'd be late in meeting Sebas...So, I accomplished everything in 30 mins when under normal circumstances, I'd have taken at least 1.5 hrs to vacuum and mop the house. Yep. Call me super girl...=p
Before meeting Sebas, I went to scout for a shirt for Sebas. I went to Samuel & Kevin, Ice Lemon Tee and Fox (is that the name???) to search for an orange shirt. i didn't buy from my work place as our shirts are a bit on the long side...But, after going to those 3 stores and not finding what I wanted, I gave up and decided to buy from my workplace. Sebas can always ask his mother to alter the shirt length. Bah. I bought for him the orange Jesus Rocks shirt and hid it in my bag. After which, I met him and we went to Swensens for dinner. Ha....I took a looooooooooong time in deciding what to eat. Sebas' patience is commendable...=)
We had decided to watch a movie. As we had some time before the show - A Little Like Love, we walked around and went to my work place. He looked at our shirts and commented that the orange Jesus Rocks shirt is a little plain. He preferred another one. When he turned his head, I whispered to my colleague to change the shirt. When he came back from the other side of the pushcart, he had another look at the mens' clothes and decided that he like a brown shirt. This time, I was like..................Oh boy!!!!! I wanted to change again, but was bit reluctant to bother my colleague. It was when Sebas mentioned that he wanted to go to the toilet that I decided to take the chance to ask my colleague to change the shirt. Ha....i hope she's okie with it...=)
After the secret exchanges that went un-noticed under Sebas' nose, we went to level 4 to catch the movie. After 20 mins of commercials, the movie finally started. To tell the truth, the first half hour of the movie, didn't impress me much. I was like bored and not captured by the plot. But, on the whole, it is an okie movie, wit hsome unexpected twists and danglers, but an exoected ending...=) Some parts of it are sweet. You know the old saying, "Three strikes and you are out??" The male lead's 1st srtike was that he didn't take the initiative to approach the girl. 2nd strike - he doesn't know how to play the guitar. 3rd strike - his horoscope sign is not to the female lead' liking. It was almost towards the end of the movie, when the female lead found out that, the guy had made the first move, in a way. For, when he'd noticed the girl at the airport, he'd taken photos of her. Ha...Perhaps you may not get it...
Somehow, I found this part sweet, the realisation that the guy had, after all, in a way, taken the first move to approach her.
After the movie, we went to Coffee Bean to grab some drinks. He cut his cake and sort of opened his present...=) I made his birthday cake - Chocolate Cheesecake. I had asked what does he like better, chocolate or cheese?? He said, chocolate first, then cheese second. It was then that I decided to make a cake with both chocolate and cheese...=D I suppose, it is okie, for my first try...=) I'll work on it and improve!
Honestly, I don't know how I feel now. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I like. I don't know who do I like. Everything is "I don't know". You know, one thing I like about Sebas and Daniel, is that they are both so depressingly discouraging. Let me explain...when I go into my "He did this! Does this means he likes me?" mode, they'd dampen my excitement, burst my bubbles of "what-if"s. Really depressing and dampening. But I know that it is good for me. DEFINITELY. So....I gove both of you the permission to continue on like this. Although it may be depressing and makes me want to smack the both of you for being so discouraging, i know that in the long run, it is good for me...=p It is better to have my bubbles burst in the early stage, rather to have them grow and burst in my face, hurting myself and others. So....please continue on!! Sorry to trouble you!=D Keep on at bursting my bubbles!! I need that! If not, I may deceive myself and end up bringing trouble on my head.
This kind of feeling...I don't know how to describe. It is not an aching feeling, though, I've the sense of unfulfillment. A slight prickling, which is growing. Being grown up is scary, isn't it? But then, that's life. That is life. Life.
What is life?
Why must we rush about? We eat to live. Study to get good grades. Get good grades to get a good job. Get a good job to earn more money. To earn more money to spend more. To get hitched, a house, children, grandchildren, grow old and die. Is this life? This is not the life that I want. No. I don't want to live my life just like zillions others did, before me, living now, or after me. I don't want that. Everything is so, so planned. That is not what I want. Not my purpose in life. Then, if I don't want to live like this, what do I want?? I don't know. It seems to me that I want to settle down and have a family. To love and care for them. To give them EVERYTHING. Everything in me. All my love, all my life. Is that too stifling?? Am I too simple? I just want that. Am I very selfish to think of what I want, before asking God, what He wants for me??
I go about, from day to day. Wake up, go to work. Work and go home. Surf the Net and sleep. the cycle continues everyday, only changing on th days when I've no work. Even then, I'd just stay at home most of the time, surf the Net, play games and mop the house, seldom going out. I can feel that, my soul feels dis-satisfied. It feels restless. Just what am I doing??
I've so many things to think about. Yet, so little to do.
HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY, SEBASTIAN!!!!
There, happy??=D Specially for YOU!!=P
Hmm...I don't think I'll write much here, as all that I want to say to you, is on the card..I just thank the Lord for you in my life, You are an important presence! You know, I worte some thing for Winnie, about 1-2 years ago, during the time when the disciples appreciate their disciplers. I wrote some thing fo Winnie. May be i'll write something for you too??=p Maybe....Ha...If inspiration strucks...
Today had been a busy day....when I woke up, it was almost 11am...Yep.. I switched on my laptop and surfed around....here and there...bah....time passed pretty fast...soon it was almost 1700. Realizing that it was late, I quickly vacuumed and mopped the house. It only took me 30 mins to do everything. Yes, everything. Ha...The job was done quickly as I realized that I'd be late in meeting Sebas...So, I accomplished everything in 30 mins when under normal circumstances, I'd have taken at least 1.5 hrs to vacuum and mop the house. Yep. Call me super girl...=p
Before meeting Sebas, I went to scout for a shirt for Sebas. I went to Samuel & Kevin, Ice Lemon Tee and Fox (is that the name???) to search for an orange shirt. i didn't buy from my work place as our shirts are a bit on the long side...But, after going to those 3 stores and not finding what I wanted, I gave up and decided to buy from my workplace. Sebas can always ask his mother to alter the shirt length. Bah. I bought for him the orange Jesus Rocks shirt and hid it in my bag. After which, I met him and we went to Swensens for dinner. Ha....I took a looooooooooong time in deciding what to eat. Sebas' patience is commendable...=)
We had decided to watch a movie. As we had some time before the show - A Little Like Love, we walked around and went to my work place. He looked at our shirts and commented that the orange Jesus Rocks shirt is a little plain. He preferred another one. When he turned his head, I whispered to my colleague to change the shirt. When he came back from the other side of the pushcart, he had another look at the mens' clothes and decided that he like a brown shirt. This time, I was like..................Oh boy!!!!! I wanted to change again, but was bit reluctant to bother my colleague. It was when Sebas mentioned that he wanted to go to the toilet that I decided to take the chance to ask my colleague to change the shirt. Ha....i hope she's okie with it...=)
After the secret exchanges that went un-noticed under Sebas' nose, we went to level 4 to catch the movie. After 20 mins of commercials, the movie finally started. To tell the truth, the first half hour of the movie, didn't impress me much. I was like bored and not captured by the plot. But, on the whole, it is an okie movie, wit hsome unexpected twists and danglers, but an exoected ending...=) Some parts of it are sweet. You know the old saying, "Three strikes and you are out??" The male lead's 1st srtike was that he didn't take the initiative to approach the girl. 2nd strike - he doesn't know how to play the guitar. 3rd strike - his horoscope sign is not to the female lead' liking. It was almost towards the end of the movie, when the female lead found out that, the guy had made the first move, in a way. For, when he'd noticed the girl at the airport, he'd taken photos of her. Ha...Perhaps you may not get it...
Somehow, I found this part sweet, the realisation that the guy had, after all, in a way, taken the first move to approach her.
After the movie, we went to Coffee Bean to grab some drinks. He cut his cake and sort of opened his present...=) I made his birthday cake - Chocolate Cheesecake. I had asked what does he like better, chocolate or cheese?? He said, chocolate first, then cheese second. It was then that I decided to make a cake with both chocolate and cheese...=D I suppose, it is okie, for my first try...=) I'll work on it and improve!
Honestly, I don't know how I feel now. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I like. I don't know who do I like. Everything is "I don't know". You know, one thing I like about Sebas and Daniel, is that they are both so depressingly discouraging. Let me explain...when I go into my "He did this! Does this means he likes me?" mode, they'd dampen my excitement, burst my bubbles of "what-if"s. Really depressing and dampening. But I know that it is good for me. DEFINITELY. So....I gove both of you the permission to continue on like this. Although it may be depressing and makes me want to smack the both of you for being so discouraging, i know that in the long run, it is good for me...=p It is better to have my bubbles burst in the early stage, rather to have them grow and burst in my face, hurting myself and others. So....please continue on!! Sorry to trouble you!=D Keep on at bursting my bubbles!! I need that! If not, I may deceive myself and end up bringing trouble on my head.
This kind of feeling...I don't know how to describe. It is not an aching feeling, though, I've the sense of unfulfillment. A slight prickling, which is growing. Being grown up is scary, isn't it? But then, that's life. That is life. Life.
What is life?
Why must we rush about? We eat to live. Study to get good grades. Get good grades to get a good job. Get a good job to earn more money. To earn more money to spend more. To get hitched, a house, children, grandchildren, grow old and die. Is this life? This is not the life that I want. No. I don't want to live my life just like zillions others did, before me, living now, or after me. I don't want that. Everything is so, so planned. That is not what I want. Not my purpose in life. Then, if I don't want to live like this, what do I want?? I don't know. It seems to me that I want to settle down and have a family. To love and care for them. To give them EVERYTHING. Everything in me. All my love, all my life. Is that too stifling?? Am I too simple? I just want that. Am I very selfish to think of what I want, before asking God, what He wants for me??
I go about, from day to day. Wake up, go to work. Work and go home. Surf the Net and sleep. the cycle continues everyday, only changing on th days when I've no work. Even then, I'd just stay at home most of the time, surf the Net, play games and mop the house, seldom going out. I can feel that, my soul feels dis-satisfied. It feels restless. Just what am I doing??
I've so many things to think about. Yet, so little to do.
Light my path
12:11:00 am
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Wednesday, 22 June 2005
Hmmmm....I don't know what to say too...Not much happened these few days, or rather, nothing that I care much to update on.
Oh ya...I saw Huien when I was working on Monday. So surprising!! And when I was closing the cart, Jonathan popped up. He'd just finished watching Batman Begins with some church-mates. Looking at him, made me wonder, how did he managed to be close to God even through tough times, like NS?? Of course, I understand that he'd have gone through some tough times, but it is amazing to me, just how people trust the Lord and stick to Him.
Sales had been rather bad, the past few days that I'd worked. Please pray for us..=) Thanks.
Hmm..I'll be working on Saturdays for the time being, from this Saturday onwards. There was suppose to be a girl working on Sat, but she'd backed out, leaving my boss with no one to work on Saturdays. So......for the time being, I'd be working on Saturdays...Heh. Actually, I don't mind. I can attend the service at the cinema. Though, that would mean that I won't be attending Small Group for quite awhile...And since I am thinking of attending the service at the cinema, that would mean that I won't be going for my church's service. This makes me wonder...is this okie?? I mean, I have my own church...though I've not become a member, yet. I do not want to be distracted from my church, that because the young adults in this church are very friendly and makes me feel comfortable and welcomed, I ditch my church. This is an unfair comparison, I know, as my church is quite big, each service, there are many people. Unlike in the cinema, if there is a newcomer, the members would definitely know. But one thing about this church, is that they are very friendly people. They don't leave the job of welcoming people to the ushers. I suppose this is something that my church has to learn about??
As I said, I really do not wish that this be my reason of thinking of changing church. I am planning to settle down in mine. How to say?? I may be in a situation...as the chinese saying goes...distracted by the wild flowers....I don't know if I should consider, to consider trying this church...Pray....That was what my boss told me....
Ya...If you don't know, I've gotten a new phone...like weeks ago...thanks to Jared..=) Since then I'd been familiarising myself with the phone..i'd just downloaded some Naruto and some other ringing tones, which I don't know how much they would cost me...sobz.......Ah well.....
I find it amazing...sometimes, just how wonderfully written, some songs are. The words are simply so beautiful. So expressive. As I listened to the words, I was like...Yes!! This is how I feel! Or Yes!! This is what I'd always dreamt of, only that I'd never had the courage to put them into words. All the writings that come from my hands are expressions of how I'd felt at one point or another. there are part of me. My joy, pain, words that I hadn't dared to say, regrets that I had, dreams that were shattered, desires of my heart and my inner voice. All of my works are my heart and blood.
Hmm...I am starting to wander from God, or maybe I've already wandered from Him...This is bad...That is why the name for today's entry..Still Waters... I need God to stir the waters in my soul, which had grown still and stagnant....
You know, I have so many dreams and wishes, but because I am who I am, these wishes and dreams may never come true. I wondered, Would it have been better for God, not to have created a creature named Hazel?? For I must have brought Him a lot of grief and anger with my rebellious ways...I am like a mule..
True, God created me to enjoy His love, to share in His joy, this is all very, very, very good. But, I've alot of pain and heartaches too, all these made me wonder if I'd be better off, ahd I not existed in the 1st place. True, friends out there may argue that they'd have missed me. But, even if I hadn't existed, they would not have that many problems. After all, I didn't do any impacting things. i'm just little old me. Surely, there wouldn't have been a difference if i hadn't existed? I mean, you wouldn't be like....."Oh, for a moment there, I felt like I'd missed someone or something important.." No....nobody would be like that...
God must be feeling disappointed with me...I pursue shallow things and forget the things that are worthy to be pursued.
Lately, I find that the standard of my spoken English is deterioating. I feel quite upset about it..This is no joke.
There is an almost-annoying guy in my workplace. He is my colleague. Ya...Nasty mouth. Really annoying. I realized that I'd made a mistake with him as I'd done some years back, when I was in poly. I'd been quite open, probably letting the people in my workplace think that I'm okie with the "suanings"....which in actual fact, I am not. I'd set myself up for alot of hurt when I am open with people, sociable, all out-going kind....you know...Now, history is repeating itself...When he "suans" me, I'd get all upset...Haiz....I know, clam down, you'd say...Well, shut up! Yes, you! I've enough of your "sympathic noises"...
I'd discovered some thing about me, recently. It seems to me that I am afraid of betrayal. Whenever I make new friends, I'd be like waiting in expectant silence, for the day when I'd catch them betraying me. I am tensed, waiting in expectation of being hurt. It is like, I am waiting, knowing, believing that they'd betray me, some day. What is wrong with me??
Oh ya...I saw Huien when I was working on Monday. So surprising!! And when I was closing the cart, Jonathan popped up. He'd just finished watching Batman Begins with some church-mates. Looking at him, made me wonder, how did he managed to be close to God even through tough times, like NS?? Of course, I understand that he'd have gone through some tough times, but it is amazing to me, just how people trust the Lord and stick to Him.
Sales had been rather bad, the past few days that I'd worked. Please pray for us..=) Thanks.
Hmm..I'll be working on Saturdays for the time being, from this Saturday onwards. There was suppose to be a girl working on Sat, but she'd backed out, leaving my boss with no one to work on Saturdays. So......for the time being, I'd be working on Saturdays...Heh. Actually, I don't mind. I can attend the service at the cinema. Though, that would mean that I won't be attending Small Group for quite awhile...And since I am thinking of attending the service at the cinema, that would mean that I won't be going for my church's service. This makes me wonder...is this okie?? I mean, I have my own church...though I've not become a member, yet. I do not want to be distracted from my church, that because the young adults in this church are very friendly and makes me feel comfortable and welcomed, I ditch my church. This is an unfair comparison, I know, as my church is quite big, each service, there are many people. Unlike in the cinema, if there is a newcomer, the members would definitely know. But one thing about this church, is that they are very friendly people. They don't leave the job of welcoming people to the ushers. I suppose this is something that my church has to learn about??
As I said, I really do not wish that this be my reason of thinking of changing church. I am planning to settle down in mine. How to say?? I may be in a situation...as the chinese saying goes...distracted by the wild flowers....I don't know if I should consider, to consider trying this church...Pray....That was what my boss told me....
Ya...If you don't know, I've gotten a new phone...like weeks ago...thanks to Jared..=) Since then I'd been familiarising myself with the phone..i'd just downloaded some Naruto and some other ringing tones, which I don't know how much they would cost me...sobz.......Ah well.....
I find it amazing...sometimes, just how wonderfully written, some songs are. The words are simply so beautiful. So expressive. As I listened to the words, I was like...Yes!! This is how I feel! Or Yes!! This is what I'd always dreamt of, only that I'd never had the courage to put them into words. All the writings that come from my hands are expressions of how I'd felt at one point or another. there are part of me. My joy, pain, words that I hadn't dared to say, regrets that I had, dreams that were shattered, desires of my heart and my inner voice. All of my works are my heart and blood.
Hmm...I am starting to wander from God, or maybe I've already wandered from Him...This is bad...That is why the name for today's entry..Still Waters... I need God to stir the waters in my soul, which had grown still and stagnant....
You know, I have so many dreams and wishes, but because I am who I am, these wishes and dreams may never come true. I wondered, Would it have been better for God, not to have created a creature named Hazel?? For I must have brought Him a lot of grief and anger with my rebellious ways...I am like a mule..
True, God created me to enjoy His love, to share in His joy, this is all very, very, very good. But, I've alot of pain and heartaches too, all these made me wonder if I'd be better off, ahd I not existed in the 1st place. True, friends out there may argue that they'd have missed me. But, even if I hadn't existed, they would not have that many problems. After all, I didn't do any impacting things. i'm just little old me. Surely, there wouldn't have been a difference if i hadn't existed? I mean, you wouldn't be like....."Oh, for a moment there, I felt like I'd missed someone or something important.." No....nobody would be like that...
God must be feeling disappointed with me...I pursue shallow things and forget the things that are worthy to be pursued.
Lately, I find that the standard of my spoken English is deterioating. I feel quite upset about it..This is no joke.
There is an almost-annoying guy in my workplace. He is my colleague. Ya...Nasty mouth. Really annoying. I realized that I'd made a mistake with him as I'd done some years back, when I was in poly. I'd been quite open, probably letting the people in my workplace think that I'm okie with the "suanings"....which in actual fact, I am not. I'd set myself up for alot of hurt when I am open with people, sociable, all out-going kind....you know...Now, history is repeating itself...When he "suans" me, I'd get all upset...Haiz....I know, clam down, you'd say...Well, shut up! Yes, you! I've enough of your "sympathic noises"...
I'd discovered some thing about me, recently. It seems to me that I am afraid of betrayal. Whenever I make new friends, I'd be like waiting in expectant silence, for the day when I'd catch them betraying me. I am tensed, waiting in expectation of being hurt. It is like, I am waiting, knowing, believing that they'd betray me, some day. What is wrong with me??
Light my path
12:56:00 am
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Saturday, 18 June 2005
Who said that every love story
Has to end in a tragedy
Like Romeo and Juliet?
And every fight,
The lovers have,
Will end with black eyes and tears?
Has to end in a tragedy
Like Romeo and Juliet?
And every fight,
The lovers have,
Will end with black eyes and tears?
Let me sing to you a love song.
A song of hope in hopelessness
Of love amidst loveless-ness
And of joy in pain.
Once upon a time,
A boy and a girl
Met at a party.
Like in a fairy tale,
They fell in love with each other
At first sight.
They clicked like
Missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
Happiness is their companion.
Everything is so perfect.
Save for one little thing,
They are engaged,
To each other's best friend.
What an irony huh? Huh?
Like the small world that it is,
They were discovered,
Caught red-handed.
What a scandal! You think.
What a mess!
Surely, there would be
Lots of screams and brawls
But, our little lovers' partners
Were surprisingly calm.
Makes you wonder why, yes?
Let me continue...
Turns out that
Our friends' partners were
In love with each other!!
They fell in love
With the other at the same party!
And so...
Like the typical fairy tale,
The two couples married
And live happily ever after.
A song of hope in hopelessness
Of love amidst loveless-ness
And of joy in pain.
Once upon a time,
A boy and a girl
Met at a party.
Like in a fairy tale,
They fell in love with each other
At first sight.
They clicked like
Missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
Happiness is their companion.
Everything is so perfect.
Save for one little thing,
They are engaged,
To each other's best friend.
What an irony huh? Huh?
Like the small world that it is,
They were discovered,
Caught red-handed.
What a scandal! You think.
What a mess!
Surely, there would be
Lots of screams and brawls
But, our little lovers' partners
Were surprisingly calm.
Makes you wonder why, yes?
Let me continue...
Turns out that
Our friends' partners were
In love with each other!!
They fell in love
With the other at the same party!
And so...
Like the typical fairy tale,
The two couples married
And live happily ever after.
The End!
Do you find it weird?? I am just trying out new writing styles..=) Inspiration struck when I was on the train, so I saved it in my handphone. Very handy, huh?=D I'm thinking that some part of the song can be a bit rap?? I don't know...Ha...I quite like soothing songs.. Remember to visit my blog - From the Heart - http://hazelnutzz-heart.blogspot.com/ for more writings! I am going to place all my work there...=)
Light my path
11:11:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
You opened your heart,
Your home and your life,
To me.
Gently, you invited me in.
To share in your life
To be part of it.
But, forgive me
My friend!
For I am unable,
To open my heart and life
To you.
Not even you,
My dearest friend!
As the saying goes,
Once bitten,
Twice shy.
I had once,
Shared my life,
With someone.
Gave him everything,
My whole being,
Held nothing back.
He took everything
That I offered
And gave nothing in return
Except endless grief
And a betrayal
That struck so deep.
My friend, I know
That your heart
Is pure and sincere.
It is calling to me
To trust in you.
Please, forgive this foolish girl!
Forgive her.
Forgive me.
Forget her.
Forget me.
Your home and your life,
To me.
Gently, you invited me in.
To share in your life
To be part of it.
But, forgive me
My friend!
For I am unable,
To open my heart and life
To you.
Not even you,
My dearest friend!
As the saying goes,
Once bitten,
Twice shy.
I had once,
Shared my life,
With someone.
Gave him everything,
My whole being,
Held nothing back.
He took everything
That I offered
And gave nothing in return
Except endless grief
And a betrayal
That struck so deep.
My friend, I know
That your heart
Is pure and sincere.
It is calling to me
To trust in you.
Please, forgive this foolish girl!
Forgive her.
Forgive me.
Forget her.
Forget me.
I wrote it this afternoon...=) Do check out my other blog - From the Heart (http://hazelnutzz-heart.blogspot.com/) for more writings...=D I know that it is difficult to read, but please bear with it...=) From the Heart can be found on the very top of my Links list..=p
Light my path
10:36:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Monday, 13 June 2005
Ah....I'm thoroughly amazed by God. Today is the day when we open our branch at JP for the 2nd time. I got up as usual and went for work, but only that I overestimated the time and arrived super early. Ah well, though not as early as I was on my first day of work.
My boss and her husband were already there setting up. I pitched in to help. After some time, we were ready. As I wasn't hungry yet, my boss went for lunch and bought food for me. There are quite a number of new and cool looking designs...=) Come and check out the pushcart!!!=D Really nice shirts....=) Come along, boys and girls...
Things were pretty quiet, no, very quiet, at the pushcart. My boss' churchmate and family cmae to buy stuff. After that, it was really quiet. Oh, the mall is not quiet. There were plenty of people. It was just that the business was slow. I paced, alright, not exactly paced, but I walked round and round and round and round (you get the idea) around the pushcart. It is my habit to do so. I prayed and talked to God as I walked. I prayed, asked, talked and prayed a little desperately for God's mercy and blessings. I was reminded, by a song. Those words just came into my mind.......God will make a way, when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way for me. He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side. With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way. He will make a way. By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me. Rivers in the desert will I see. Heaven and earth will fade, but His Word will still remain. And He will do something new today.
I am especially comforted by the following lines, "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way.....By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me. Rivers in the desert will I see. Heaven and earth will fade, but His Word will still remain."
After that, I submitted the day to the Lord and decided to trust Him. Throughout the following hours, I prayed a little and reminded myself that the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He knows what we need even before we know that we need it..=)
When my boss SMSed to ask for the sales, I hesitantly told her about it. She said, "No worries. God is still good." I was relieved and thanked the Lord. She encouraged me with Jer 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Hmmm....Just now, when I went to BibleGateway to search for the above verse, I saw verse of the day, "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”- Luke 11:13.
Indeed! How much the Lord has given to us!! Even today, He blessed us abundantly! It had been quiet all afternoon. Not long after I SMSed my boss regarding the sales, a lady came by to buy a shirt. After some time, another customer came. When it was almost 1900, the floodgates of blessings opened. Many customers came. Really alot. I was thoroughly overwhelmed. Thoroughly. For what seemed like eternity, I worked in a frenzy. Praying that the customers would have the patience to wait and that for God to give me the capacity to serve the customers, and that my boss will arrive soon.
As my boss' husband said, it is such a wonderful problem!
Is it not??=)
Thank the Lord for His many blessings!!
Mere words can never express what God has done today!
So...just know that God has been very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very gracious and generous.
Thank God that I've such good employers. They treated me to lunch and a drink. Knowing that I didn't have the chance to eat dinner, my boss bought me a curry puff...=D Wonderful??
My boss and her husband were already there setting up. I pitched in to help. After some time, we were ready. As I wasn't hungry yet, my boss went for lunch and bought food for me. There are quite a number of new and cool looking designs...=) Come and check out the pushcart!!!=D Really nice shirts....=) Come along, boys and girls...
Things were pretty quiet, no, very quiet, at the pushcart. My boss' churchmate and family cmae to buy stuff. After that, it was really quiet. Oh, the mall is not quiet. There were plenty of people. It was just that the business was slow. I paced, alright, not exactly paced, but I walked round and round and round and round (you get the idea) around the pushcart. It is my habit to do so. I prayed and talked to God as I walked. I prayed, asked, talked and prayed a little desperately for God's mercy and blessings. I was reminded, by a song. Those words just came into my mind.......God will make a way, when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way for me. He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side. With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way. He will make a way. By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me. Rivers in the desert will I see. Heaven and earth will fade, but His Word will still remain. And He will do something new today.
I am especially comforted by the following lines, "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way.....By a roadway in the wilderness, He'll lead me. Rivers in the desert will I see. Heaven and earth will fade, but His Word will still remain."
After that, I submitted the day to the Lord and decided to trust Him. Throughout the following hours, I prayed a little and reminded myself that the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He knows what we need even before we know that we need it..=)
When my boss SMSed to ask for the sales, I hesitantly told her about it. She said, "No worries. God is still good." I was relieved and thanked the Lord. She encouraged me with Jer 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Hmmm....Just now, when I went to BibleGateway to search for the above verse, I saw verse of the day, "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”- Luke 11:13.
Indeed! How much the Lord has given to us!! Even today, He blessed us abundantly! It had been quiet all afternoon. Not long after I SMSed my boss regarding the sales, a lady came by to buy a shirt. After some time, another customer came. When it was almost 1900, the floodgates of blessings opened. Many customers came. Really alot. I was thoroughly overwhelmed. Thoroughly. For what seemed like eternity, I worked in a frenzy. Praying that the customers would have the patience to wait and that for God to give me the capacity to serve the customers, and that my boss will arrive soon.
As my boss' husband said, it is such a wonderful problem!
Is it not??=)
Thank the Lord for His many blessings!!
Mere words can never express what God has done today!
So...just know that God has been very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very gracious and generous.
Thank God that I've such good employers. They treated me to lunch and a drink. Knowing that I didn't have the chance to eat dinner, my boss bought me a curry puff...=D Wonderful??
Light my path
11:52:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Sunday, 12 June 2005
Today is my last day working at Junction 8. From tomorrow onwards, I'll be back at JP. This time for good. At least I'd be there for the time our pushcart is there.
Some thing amazing happened this morning when I started work. About 15mins after I start opening, a family came by. They descended upon the pushcart. I was like, oh no! It is not that I am not happy that they are buying things, I was just thinking about the clean-up after they left. Thank God that my boss was here. If not, I wouldn't have managed to cope. Altogether, they bought, 7 shirts, 7 wristbands, 4 buttons, 1 magnet and 1LFH. All these totalled up to $200++. This is equivalent to half a day's sales, for average-good days. For bad days, this $200++, is what we'd get for a day. This $200++ came in, in 1 hour. Amazing???!!! God is amazing!! I am reminded of what someone told me before. This person said that when God chooses to bless somebody, you'd be so blessed that you'd be overwhelmed by God's generousity. Hmm..I hope you get my point...like, we very so blessed, that we were quite busy. Get it?? Bah.
Ouch, my gum hurts. Hmm...My lips are feeling rather heaty and dry, which means that I may be getting sick. In addition, I had the sniffles. Oh boy, this is no good. I've work tomorrow, tues and wed. Do you know what am I munching now?? Hot & spicy chips plus a chocolate bar as a side dish. Bah. I am asking for it, man.
Oh ya...I've gotten a present for Jimmy. I had wanted to sew a handphone pouch for him, but the neighbouring pushcart had run out of it. Under the advice of my friendly neighbour, I'd bought something else. Nah. I'm not going to write it here. Jimmy may get the wind of it.
I've a surprise for Sebastian too...=) You should feel honoured, Sebas...I'd never done this for anyone before..=D Haha...
I'm kind of looking forward to tomorrow. I'll be seeing the same friendly OP people. Hmmm...hopefully the staff in OP are still the same...=)
It'd been very noisy at work these past week. Why?? Ask the dogs. BAH!
There was a dog show for this week. I got to see dogs strutting up and down the stage, dressed in a funny fashion by their funnier owners, hear their bark the mall down, see them pee, look at them sit and trotter in the obedience test and see them executing high jumps. How fun.
Alright, alright, most parts were fun. EXCEPT when they pee and bark. Bah. I hate dogs that barked incessantly and loudly. I am most definitely getting cats when I've my own home. So, friends, when you come to my future house-warming party, get me a cat, EACH. I know, you'd be like, did I read wrongly? Buy Hazel a cat, EACH???!!! Nope! You didn't read wrong, nor am I crazy. Cats are WONDERFUL!!
Remember...okie??=D
Mew....c",)
Some thing amazing happened this morning when I started work. About 15mins after I start opening, a family came by. They descended upon the pushcart. I was like, oh no! It is not that I am not happy that they are buying things, I was just thinking about the clean-up after they left. Thank God that my boss was here. If not, I wouldn't have managed to cope. Altogether, they bought, 7 shirts, 7 wristbands, 4 buttons, 1 magnet and 1LFH. All these totalled up to $200++. This is equivalent to half a day's sales, for average-good days. For bad days, this $200++, is what we'd get for a day. This $200++ came in, in 1 hour. Amazing???!!! God is amazing!! I am reminded of what someone told me before. This person said that when God chooses to bless somebody, you'd be so blessed that you'd be overwhelmed by God's generousity. Hmm..I hope you get my point...like, we very so blessed, that we were quite busy. Get it?? Bah.
Ouch, my gum hurts. Hmm...My lips are feeling rather heaty and dry, which means that I may be getting sick. In addition, I had the sniffles. Oh boy, this is no good. I've work tomorrow, tues and wed. Do you know what am I munching now?? Hot & spicy chips plus a chocolate bar as a side dish. Bah. I am asking for it, man.
Oh ya...I've gotten a present for Jimmy. I had wanted to sew a handphone pouch for him, but the neighbouring pushcart had run out of it. Under the advice of my friendly neighbour, I'd bought something else. Nah. I'm not going to write it here. Jimmy may get the wind of it.
I've a surprise for Sebastian too...=) You should feel honoured, Sebas...I'd never done this for anyone before..=D Haha...
I'm kind of looking forward to tomorrow. I'll be seeing the same friendly OP people. Hmmm...hopefully the staff in OP are still the same...=)
It'd been very noisy at work these past week. Why?? Ask the dogs. BAH!
There was a dog show for this week. I got to see dogs strutting up and down the stage, dressed in a funny fashion by their funnier owners, hear their bark the mall down, see them pee, look at them sit and trotter in the obedience test and see them executing high jumps. How fun.
Alright, alright, most parts were fun. EXCEPT when they pee and bark. Bah. I hate dogs that barked incessantly and loudly. I am most definitely getting cats when I've my own home. So, friends, when you come to my future house-warming party, get me a cat, EACH. I know, you'd be like, did I read wrongly? Buy Hazel a cat, EACH???!!! Nope! You didn't read wrong, nor am I crazy. Cats are WONDERFUL!!
Remember...okie??=D
Mew....c",)
Light my path
11:00:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Saturday, 11 June 2005
Hmmm...I woke up at 1146 am...Ahhh...this is great...=) Finally got to sleep in!! *grins* Hmm..I'm feeling a little hungry now..*stomach growls*..T.T
I woke up to find that I've 4 voicemails. The 1st three are voicemails that I'd let accumulate over the week, they were from a someone, informing me about my consultation with a counselor. Remember, some time back when I attended a Network course, to find out about our spiritual gifts?? This consultation comes after the course. I am scheduled on 28 jun, 10am, tuesday (hmm...is it the 26th of 28th?? I forgot...ha..)...=D
The 4th one was from a number that I recognize, Ronny's home. I was like, huh?? After some fumbling (I'd to check my voicemail password), I listened to the 4 voicemails. The first three, were the same, the 4th was, indeed from Ronny, asking me to call him back. So I did.
When he answered, he told me that he had forgotten what he'd wanted to ask, just something to do with the cookies. Bleah! He wasn't holding up the conversation very well. Why?? Because, he is playing a game, tennis, to be exact. Not the physical playing, but with fingers. You get my drift?? Bah!!!!!!! Since he was distracted and can't remember what he wanted to ask, I told him to call when he remembers. Bah. Heh.
Actually, I'd written some things while I was at work yesterday. But I think that they are not of good quality, thus, I didn't post them online. The 2 entries that I've at my other blog - From the Heart, http://hazelnutzz-heart.blogspot.com/ were written quite some time ago. Maybe a few years. I've been thinking. I hope I don't sound conceited to you. But it seems like I've a knack for writing. Ha...or perhaps, I am not very good, just that my friends are too polite to tell me that I stink at it. Yah, anyway, I wonder, what is God's purpose for me? That I've such a skill? I enjoy writing and can pour forth alot of pieces when I'm inspired. So?? What is this for? Surely, this is not just an outlet for me to express my feelings. What is it??
I woke up to find that I've 4 voicemails. The 1st three are voicemails that I'd let accumulate over the week, they were from a someone, informing me about my consultation with a counselor. Remember, some time back when I attended a Network course, to find out about our spiritual gifts?? This consultation comes after the course. I am scheduled on 28 jun, 10am, tuesday (hmm...is it the 26th of 28th?? I forgot...ha..)...=D
The 4th one was from a number that I recognize, Ronny's home. I was like, huh?? After some fumbling (I'd to check my voicemail password), I listened to the 4 voicemails. The first three, were the same, the 4th was, indeed from Ronny, asking me to call him back. So I did.
When he answered, he told me that he had forgotten what he'd wanted to ask, just something to do with the cookies. Bleah! He wasn't holding up the conversation very well. Why?? Because, he is playing a game, tennis, to be exact. Not the physical playing, but with fingers. You get my drift?? Bah!!!!!!! Since he was distracted and can't remember what he wanted to ask, I told him to call when he remembers. Bah. Heh.
Actually, I'd written some things while I was at work yesterday. But I think that they are not of good quality, thus, I didn't post them online. The 2 entries that I've at my other blog - From the Heart, http://hazelnutzz-heart.blogspot.com/ were written quite some time ago. Maybe a few years. I've been thinking. I hope I don't sound conceited to you. But it seems like I've a knack for writing. Ha...or perhaps, I am not very good, just that my friends are too polite to tell me that I stink at it. Yah, anyway, I wonder, what is God's purpose for me? That I've such a skill? I enjoy writing and can pour forth alot of pieces when I'm inspired. So?? What is this for? Surely, this is not just an outlet for me to express my feelings. What is it??
Light my path
12:41:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Thursday, 9 June 2005
Ha..this cheery colour probably dosen't suit the contents of this entry...oh well.
Some thing happened just now, made me so angry. I talked to Sebastian on MSN. I turned from anger to tears.
Some thing happened just now, made me so angry. I talked to Sebastian on MSN. I turned from anger to tears.
Everyone in the family works. Everyone. True, I may not earn as much as they do. But I do work, it is not like I am bumming around at home. I felt very angry with my family. Just because I am the youngest, I am working part-time (though, I work retail hours and almost everyday), they seem to think that I can be pushed around. That my work isn't as important as theirs, that I should fit into their schedule. They tried to tell me what to do with my life, how to live it, what to do. They had never asked me what are my dreams. All these 21 years, they had only seen my faults and failures and use these against me. I am not a puppet!
I am not a puppet. I am not some thing that they can push around. I have feelings. I can feel joy, anger, hurt, envy and every emotion that you can feel.
Does my short-comings entitled them to run my life, ruin my life? To tell me what to do? To give me eldest sister the right to act all superior? To be my master? To be the head of the family? Why does everyone gives way to her like she is God? Just because she had studied in an overseas university, earns more than anyone in the family and talked louder than anyone, gives her the right to treat me like dirt? To expect everyone in the family to give way to her? To expect the best of everything? To have the best part of the food, the house?? Just because she studied in the uni, made her seemed smarter to my parents. Everything that she said is right, they just listened to her. Nothing I said is right. Even when facts proved that I was right.
It is like she is the head of the family. Not my father. Everything is about her. Her. Her. Her. She says. It is like her will be done, her way be done. Little mortals like me are dirt to her. A blemish in her family. Do you know that my mother and my eldest sister, both of them, in all my 21 years, had told me many times, that I shouldn't be born. Since young, they told me that and sometimes with more colourful words. They told me that I am useless, to go and die. Not recently, but when I was a young child. All those words burnt into my young heart.
Sebastian said, "So you are angry with your mom and sister." I told him, I am angry with this family. No one helps me. My father wouldn't interfere with women's stuff. My mom is in fear of incurring my eldest sister's wrath. My 2nd sister, if she's not on my eldest sister's side, she would just stand by and watch. My 3rd sister, she is at work most of the time. Even if she's home, she wouldn't have interfered.
The words...everyone's words...I grew up in an environment where harsh words..degrading words are spoken almost everyday. I hate this kind of life. This kind of family. Everyone's so cold...so crude...so degrading...living with them makes me a worse person..I learnt that to protect myself, I have to be rude, to talk back.
You know, when children are young...their families may joke with them, telling the child, that he/she was picked up from the rubbish bin. When my 2nd sister told me that when I was young, I was incredibly hurt...I believed her. Thus, to me, that explains why they had treated me like that..because I am not part of the family..but later...I knew the truth. I saw my birth certificate. I am their child. But why?
Why do they treat me like that? Why do they not tell me that they love me? Why didn't they smile at me? Why hadn't they come for any of my school graduation ceremonies?
I know, that there are poeple in worst situations than me...I'd feel sorry for myself, but would remember those pple. I'd thank God that at least I have a bed. I have a roof over my head. I have clothes on my back. I am not starved. But sometimes...telling myself these aren't enough.
I know that there are people who are worse off, but I am not them. I am me. I am Hazel, who is in this family, who is hurting...who feels uwanted..
As I was typing to Sebastian, memories from my childhood came back...I am not trying to get your pity or act pathetic. I remember...the way my eldest sister would beat me if I have friends come over to the house. If people come over, it must be when she's out, even when she's out, I'd jump at every sound of footsteps passing the house, for fear that she's home. When I was in kindergarten, my friends were curious, why I had never let them know where I lived...
There was a day, when a boy followed me home....I tried to explain to him that my eldest sister is very fierce. He told me not to fear. When that had failed, I tried to run away, but he followed me. When I reached the house, I quickly closed the door. The boy knocked on the door. My eldest sister was very angry...She had some colourful words for the both of us.
When I was young, I hated sundays the most...Because that was when my eldest sister and I would clean the house. My parents would leave for work, most of the time, leaving only the 2 of us. After they leave..it'd be hell for me...She'd taunt me...beat me...telling me that my parents had left. No one would protect me. For years, it had been hell for me. I lived in terror of sundays and holidays, because my sister would be home and my parents would be out.
If I complained to my parents, I'd be made to suffer for it when they were gone.
There was a time when I was young and eating my dinner, when she walked past, she'd push my head down onto my bowl. I was young (around kindergarten), so frightened, so scared, so hurt. I remember, for a long time after that, I would stop eating whenever she walked behind me, for fear that she's do the same again.
I had grown up. I wont stand for such abuse. I told myself that. I won't stand for her abuse. But if she beats me...what would I do??
I want to be brave. I want to be able to tell myself..that I won't be beaten again..like an animal. I want to tell myself, that if she ever raise her hand to me. i'd hit her back. I wont cower like a 4 yr old child and let myself be beaten me. I won't be bullied. But I am scared..
I told myself - I am grown up. I am 21 years old. Not the young defenseless girl of before. But I am still afraid to hit her back if she hits me. I am afraid of her. Of the consequences. Also...what would God say to this??
I told Sebastian: I hate this family. I hate everyone in it. I hate it that they have made me. I hate that I have their blood. I hate to be linked with them. I hate them for not giving me a normal childhood.
I hate them. Because I am influenced by them too. Iwas a very horrible person when I was young. Not to all people, only to those who are weak, easy to bully...like I once was. Because my eldest sister treated me like that, I also treated weak, defenseless porple like that. I bullied them. I was cruel to them. Know what? I enjoyed it back then. I hated my eldest sister for treating me that way, yet I treated the weak that way. What an irony. Now I know why some children use swear words and behave like hooligans. They had some one to learn from. I am not defending myself here, but shifting blame to my sister. I admit that I was wrong.
Besides hating them, I also hate myself. Why did I get influenced by her?? Why did I act like her? Why did I act like the person I hate most?? Why did I behave the way in the way I hated most? Why did I treated some poeple the way she treated me?
If I had more courage, I'd have killed myself long ago. Really. I'd even thought of ways to die. Slit my wrist? Poison? Hang myself? Jump down? Which one? Which one? I wished i did die
Even though I'd met you all, even though I'd known God, even though I love my friends...I wished that I had died, even if it means not knowing you all.
I can't say that I am glad that I didn't die, despite all the love I have from my friends. Some times, it is just not enough. I'd told myself that having such wondeful friends are enough. I can get the love that I never got from my family. But I am wrong. Friends can never be a replacement for family.
I can say tat I wished I had more courage. To die.
While I was crying in my room, outside, they were laughing. Making merry..
I am so tired. 21 years. 21 years. I'd been living like this for 21 years. I'd told myself to forget it, that it was okie. I told myself...so many times, that with my personality, it is okie. I'd always be angry for awhile, then I'd forget everything later...
I'd told that to myself so many times that I thought I had really forgiven them, that I am okie with this abuse. I did the forgiveness thing(you know, the conference type) thrice...surrendered them to God..I thought tat I had forgiven them. I thought that I am okie.. I am healed..But now, I know that I never had. Sebastian told me that forgivness is done everytime not just once. But I don't know any more. I am sick and tired. I want to give up. What's the use?? I'll not put in any more time and effort. I'll just wait for my time to leave.
Light my path
11:19:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Wednesday, 8 June 2005
Cool water lapped at our ankles
Gently. Teasingly.
With fine sand rubbing between our toes
We walked hand-in-hand
Along the never-ending shoreline.
We talked and laughed
Like there is no tomorrow.
Trees waved their branches,
In a cheery hello
Birds sped through the air
Twisting and diving into the sea
For a quick shower
A crab scuttled out of its home
Pretty sea-shells dotted the expanse of sand.
Everything seems so perfect
That I wondered if it's just a dream.
You laughed and called me silly,
Whispered in my ear,
"How can it be a dream
When I am here, holding your hand?"
All of a sudden, I found myself
Sitting up on my bed.
With a bittersweet ache in my heart,
I cried out your name.
But you never appeared,
To hold my hand,
Telling me that you are here.
It was just a dream.
You were gone.
If only, if only!!
If only, I could never wake up!
Let me dream! Let me dream!
Let me dream of you.
I don't care if it’s not real.
Besides, who has the right to tell me
What is real
And what isn't??
Let me stay in this dream forever.
For in it, I can stay
In your arms forever.
Let me dream!
Gently. Teasingly.
With fine sand rubbing between our toes
We walked hand-in-hand
Along the never-ending shoreline.
We talked and laughed
Like there is no tomorrow.
Trees waved their branches,
In a cheery hello
Birds sped through the air
Twisting and diving into the sea
For a quick shower
A crab scuttled out of its home
Pretty sea-shells dotted the expanse of sand.
Everything seems so perfect
That I wondered if it's just a dream.
You laughed and called me silly,
Whispered in my ear,
"How can it be a dream
When I am here, holding your hand?"
All of a sudden, I found myself
Sitting up on my bed.
With a bittersweet ache in my heart,
I cried out your name.
But you never appeared,
To hold my hand,
Telling me that you are here.
It was just a dream.
You were gone.
If only, if only!!
If only, I could never wake up!
Let me dream! Let me dream!
Let me dream of you.
I don't care if it’s not real.
Besides, who has the right to tell me
What is real
And what isn't??
Let me stay in this dream forever.
For in it, I can stay
In your arms forever.
Let me dream!
I'd written this on Monday...What do you think??=)
Light my path
12:51:00 am
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Tuesday, 7 June 2005
I'd had a nasty shock when I stepped into my workplace this afternoon, at 1500.
I saw my manager instead of my TL (left only one as the other had transfered). I was like, where's Jo??? (The name of the TL). When I was told that it was his off-day, my heart sank. That would mean that I'd had to work with my manager today. Yes, I know that this is inevitable, but I'd thought that I'd have a reprive. I was supposed to be working with my TL today. But due to some changes in the staff and the schedule, he's off today and my manager is working.
I was apprehensive of what was to come. No, I am not afraid of him, just dread to work with him.
As the day progressed, my apprehension decreased. It was alright working with him, I concluded at the end of the day. He only told me to stock up the shelves, besides my cashiering duties. I am pleased to put to work, my 'stocking shelves' ability, which I'd acquired while working at One.99 Shop. The bags of tibits look good if I may say so myself...=)
I'd a good time at work today, which was surprising. Perhaps my impression of my manager had been coloured by the other staff. My manager knows how to joke too. But, he said them with a kind of serious face. People may mistake him to be serious, which would be bad for him. As the words that he said were...how to say?? Arrgghhh.......I don't know how to put it into words. Bleah.
Oh ya.....there was a little black kitty that wandered into our shop today. No, I correct myself, it wasn't small. It was tiny. Real tiny. Just a few weeks old? Or a few months? Yeah. Very tiny kitten. I was tidying the stuff on the shelves, just as I stepped back I realised that I'd seemed to step onto some thing. To my horror, there was a tiny, tiny black kitten behind me!!! I was like OH NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
What had I done??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To my utter relief, the kitty wasn't crushed. Thank God!!!!!!!!!! I think I'd sort of nudged into it when I stepped back. I hadn't stepped onto it as I had initially thought. Phew!!!! What a relief!!! After I got over my fright, I was overcome by how cute & adorable the kitty is. Its fur is baby-soft and silky, adorably messed-up. It has blue eyes too. Why do I keep saying 'it'?? Well, I don't know its gender. But, I think that it is a 'she'...=) So CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Awww........=D *drools & swoons* I just love cats!!!!!!! Kawaii!!=)
Excuse me while I go into kitty-mode for awhile.
Ahhh....I'm back...Where was I? Oh yes, the black kitty.
*zones out.*
Ahh...sorry, I was on kitty-land.
Kitty, kitty......=)
Oh boy....I'm kitty crazy.
Ha..I've just changed my MSN display picture to a cat...=) Yum!!
This kitty is so little, I am worried as to whether it can survive on its own. Or would it get bullied or hurt?? There was a man who came into the shop, he pretended to kick the kitten. He smiled at me. I frowned disapprovingly at him. He's so MEAN!!! Even if he didn't kick the kitten, his actions had showed that he definitely hadn't been kind to animals. HEH! Bad man!!!
After the kitty was carried away by a kind lady who offered to find food for it, I prayed for the kitty. Ha...you may find this ridiculous, but, I just love cats....=) May the Lord keep it safe from harm and watch over it....=)
Ha....I've got 2 free boxes of chocolate biscuits. The manager gave them to us as they'll be expiring in a week's time. The biscuits are really yummy.....=)
I saw my manager instead of my TL (left only one as the other had transfered). I was like, where's Jo??? (The name of the TL). When I was told that it was his off-day, my heart sank. That would mean that I'd had to work with my manager today. Yes, I know that this is inevitable, but I'd thought that I'd have a reprive. I was supposed to be working with my TL today. But due to some changes in the staff and the schedule, he's off today and my manager is working.
I was apprehensive of what was to come. No, I am not afraid of him, just dread to work with him.
As the day progressed, my apprehension decreased. It was alright working with him, I concluded at the end of the day. He only told me to stock up the shelves, besides my cashiering duties. I am pleased to put to work, my 'stocking shelves' ability, which I'd acquired while working at One.99 Shop. The bags of tibits look good if I may say so myself...=)
I'd a good time at work today, which was surprising. Perhaps my impression of my manager had been coloured by the other staff. My manager knows how to joke too. But, he said them with a kind of serious face. People may mistake him to be serious, which would be bad for him. As the words that he said were...how to say?? Arrgghhh.......I don't know how to put it into words. Bleah.
Oh ya.....there was a little black kitty that wandered into our shop today. No, I correct myself, it wasn't small. It was tiny. Real tiny. Just a few weeks old? Or a few months? Yeah. Very tiny kitten. I was tidying the stuff on the shelves, just as I stepped back I realised that I'd seemed to step onto some thing. To my horror, there was a tiny, tiny black kitten behind me!!! I was like OH NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
What had I done??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To my utter relief, the kitty wasn't crushed. Thank God!!!!!!!!!! I think I'd sort of nudged into it when I stepped back. I hadn't stepped onto it as I had initially thought. Phew!!!! What a relief!!! After I got over my fright, I was overcome by how cute & adorable the kitty is. Its fur is baby-soft and silky, adorably messed-up. It has blue eyes too. Why do I keep saying 'it'?? Well, I don't know its gender. But, I think that it is a 'she'...=) So CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Awww........=D *drools & swoons* I just love cats!!!!!!! Kawaii!!=)
Excuse me while I go into kitty-mode for awhile.
Ahhh....I'm back...Where was I? Oh yes, the black kitty.
*zones out.*
Ahh...sorry, I was on kitty-land.
Kitty, kitty......=)
Oh boy....I'm kitty crazy.
Ha..I've just changed my MSN display picture to a cat...=) Yum!!
This kitty is so little, I am worried as to whether it can survive on its own. Or would it get bullied or hurt?? There was a man who came into the shop, he pretended to kick the kitten. He smiled at me. I frowned disapprovingly at him. He's so MEAN!!! Even if he didn't kick the kitten, his actions had showed that he definitely hadn't been kind to animals. HEH! Bad man!!!
After the kitty was carried away by a kind lady who offered to find food for it, I prayed for the kitty. Ha...you may find this ridiculous, but, I just love cats....=) May the Lord keep it safe from harm and watch over it....=)
Ha....I've got 2 free boxes of chocolate biscuits. The manager gave them to us as they'll be expiring in a week's time. The biscuits are really yummy.....=)
Light my path
9:21:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Monday, 6 June 2005
Hmm.....I hadn't wanted to update today, feeling lazy...and tired, too, from lack of sleep. I slept at 530am this morning and got up at 9am or was it 930am?? Ahhh...I can't remember.. I'd wanted to go jogging after passing Ronny the cookies. But as it turned out, when Ronny called me (I told him that I'd kill him if he doesn't call me before he books in) at 720am, I didn't meet him nor did I go jogging. When I was woken up by the call, my body was sore and I felt like dying or sleep for a thousand years. He told me not to meet him, to go back to sleep. I obeyed. I'd wanted to go jogging, but my body threatened that if I went, it'd give me hell. Not wanting to suffer, I decided to fall back to sleep.
When I woke up, somehow, 2 things remained in my mind. Cookies and coffee. Cookies as I'd been baking them through the whole night and coffee, as I'd need it to keep from falling asleep on my feet. I didn't exactly dream of cookies and coffee. I didn't see images or anything. But rather, these things were on my mind even when I slept.
Ah well...
hmm..on with the update!=)
There aren't much that happened at work today, just that my boss interviewed some people, for our branch in JP. I'll be back there from next Monday onwards, for good.
I guess I am naive. Why did I say that? I am working in an entirely Christian environment, yet there is still those so-called "office politics". I don't know any of my colleagues, except for one, because only one person worked at the pushcart, at one time. I found that this colleague had been complaining about my boss to another person who works at the neighbouring pushcart. Ha..Maybe I don't undrstand it all, for there are parts that I don't know, maybe there is some truth in what she said. But, to me, my boss is very good. She is compassionate, understanding, easy to work with, has a clever mind and cares for her employees. Even when I'd done wrong, she never scolded me. Never. Though, her tone had changed, to a no-nonsense tone, but she'd never raised her voice at me. She handled difficult situations well, ever putting people down. But she encourages me to use my strength, she uses praise and advice to help me. How rare she is!! Tell me, can you find such a good boss, just anywhere???
I don't dare to jump to conclusions, but she's a reasonable person. I don't think she deserves to be talked about behind her back. Arrgghhh....things are so weird! Thank God that I work alone, that I don't have to work with others, thus I do not have to deal with this uncomfortable topic about my boss.
There is a dog show at my working place this week. Many people crowded around to see the dogs being showed off. Arrgghhh..I'd found the dogs quite okie. But later, I was reminded of why I sometimes, don't quite like dogs. They barked, woofed, howled (okie, no dogs howled just now..)...so, how do you like all that?? Grrr.........
It's an eye-opener too, to see how foolish some people are. Prams are for babies. But I saw a lady use it for her 2 dogs. Serious.
Ridiculous.
Ba.
After knocking off, I went off to get a handphone pouch. Yup! I've gotten a new phone! Thank God! Thanks to Jared too! His contract is ending, thus I used this to get a phone upgrade...=) Quite cheap too, only $98. I'm now the proud owner of Nokia 6020! Yah...I'd got a brown, furry cat hp pouch for $4. After which, I went to NTUC to get some unsalted butter, toothbrush and other stuff. When I went back up to level 1, to the cash deposit machine, I saw a stall selling bags and handphone pouches. How I regretted seeing it!! Once I saw it, I regretted being so rash, buying the brown furry kitty pouch. I'd seen something cuter!! sobz....Let this be a lesson to me, not to be so impulsive. Haiz.
Anyway.
I bought the pouch that had caught my eye.
I now, am the proud owner of 2 kitty hp pouch.
I went to Friendster, to chek if there are any messages for me, as I'd sent out messages to people to ask them for their handphone numbers. I was disappointed that I didn't hear from Marylyn. She is a primary school friend. I really like her alot, alot. You know, when I was in primary school, I read some books from a detective series - Trixie Belden. Trixie's best friend is a sweet girl called, Honey. Corny, you may think, but the name suits the character very well. Honey has honey blond hair, a very sweet girl, gentle, caring, patient, good at many things, though, perhaps quite a lonely girl and scared of blood (but she overcame this fear later). and level-headed. Honey is really a good girl.
What has Honey to do with Marylyn?? To me, she's just like Honey. I just simply like Marylyn alot. She has so many attractive qualities. But one thing that I am sad about and regretful, is that we never got to be closer after we graduated from primary school. We went to different secondary schools. But we met in SP. I'd taken for granted that, since we were in the same school, we able to meet up anytime. But, sadly, we only met up once, during our entire 3 years. This is upsetting. Now, to meet her would be hard. She is away in Australia for further studies.
You know, in each part of my life, there is always a gentle person in my life. In primary school, it was Marylyn. Secondary school is Barbara. In poly, it was Angeline.
When I woke up, somehow, 2 things remained in my mind. Cookies and coffee. Cookies as I'd been baking them through the whole night and coffee, as I'd need it to keep from falling asleep on my feet. I didn't exactly dream of cookies and coffee. I didn't see images or anything. But rather, these things were on my mind even when I slept.
Ah well...
hmm..on with the update!=)
There aren't much that happened at work today, just that my boss interviewed some people, for our branch in JP. I'll be back there from next Monday onwards, for good.
I guess I am naive. Why did I say that? I am working in an entirely Christian environment, yet there is still those so-called "office politics". I don't know any of my colleagues, except for one, because only one person worked at the pushcart, at one time. I found that this colleague had been complaining about my boss to another person who works at the neighbouring pushcart. Ha..Maybe I don't undrstand it all, for there are parts that I don't know, maybe there is some truth in what she said. But, to me, my boss is very good. She is compassionate, understanding, easy to work with, has a clever mind and cares for her employees. Even when I'd done wrong, she never scolded me. Never. Though, her tone had changed, to a no-nonsense tone, but she'd never raised her voice at me. She handled difficult situations well, ever putting people down. But she encourages me to use my strength, she uses praise and advice to help me. How rare she is!! Tell me, can you find such a good boss, just anywhere???
I don't dare to jump to conclusions, but she's a reasonable person. I don't think she deserves to be talked about behind her back. Arrgghhh....things are so weird! Thank God that I work alone, that I don't have to work with others, thus I do not have to deal with this uncomfortable topic about my boss.
There is a dog show at my working place this week. Many people crowded around to see the dogs being showed off. Arrgghhh..I'd found the dogs quite okie. But later, I was reminded of why I sometimes, don't quite like dogs. They barked, woofed, howled (okie, no dogs howled just now..)...so, how do you like all that?? Grrr.........
It's an eye-opener too, to see how foolish some people are. Prams are for babies. But I saw a lady use it for her 2 dogs. Serious.
Ridiculous.
Ba.
After knocking off, I went off to get a handphone pouch. Yup! I've gotten a new phone! Thank God! Thanks to Jared too! His contract is ending, thus I used this to get a phone upgrade...=) Quite cheap too, only $98. I'm now the proud owner of Nokia 6020! Yah...I'd got a brown, furry cat hp pouch for $4. After which, I went to NTUC to get some unsalted butter, toothbrush and other stuff. When I went back up to level 1, to the cash deposit machine, I saw a stall selling bags and handphone pouches. How I regretted seeing it!! Once I saw it, I regretted being so rash, buying the brown furry kitty pouch. I'd seen something cuter!! sobz....Let this be a lesson to me, not to be so impulsive. Haiz.
Anyway.
I bought the pouch that had caught my eye.
I now, am the proud owner of 2 kitty hp pouch.
I went to Friendster, to chek if there are any messages for me, as I'd sent out messages to people to ask them for their handphone numbers. I was disappointed that I didn't hear from Marylyn. She is a primary school friend. I really like her alot, alot. You know, when I was in primary school, I read some books from a detective series - Trixie Belden. Trixie's best friend is a sweet girl called, Honey. Corny, you may think, but the name suits the character very well. Honey has honey blond hair, a very sweet girl, gentle, caring, patient, good at many things, though, perhaps quite a lonely girl and scared of blood (but she overcame this fear later). and level-headed. Honey is really a good girl.
What has Honey to do with Marylyn?? To me, she's just like Honey. I just simply like Marylyn alot. She has so many attractive qualities. But one thing that I am sad about and regretful, is that we never got to be closer after we graduated from primary school. We went to different secondary schools. But we met in SP. I'd taken for granted that, since we were in the same school, we able to meet up anytime. But, sadly, we only met up once, during our entire 3 years. This is upsetting. Now, to meet her would be hard. She is away in Australia for further studies.
You know, in each part of my life, there is always a gentle person in my life. In primary school, it was Marylyn. Secondary school is Barbara. In poly, it was Angeline.
Who Am I - Casting Crowns
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're
Chorus:I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
Light my path
10:52:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Sunday, 5 June 2005
Yes, I am really asking for it. Yes, this is what I deserved for not being able to say "no". Feeling really frustrated. So many times, I'd wondered, who'd know? Who know of the things that I'd done? What I had sacrificed? My effort, time and tears. Who knows? Who knows?? Who cares? Who truly appreciates my effort and time? Who will not take me for granted? Who will always thank me, appreciate me and not think that I'd always do this for him/her just because I'd done it before? Is it worth it? Who am I doing this for? For what am I working for?
As all these questions ran through my mind, I feel that the answers lead to God. God knows. He's all-seeing. He does not sleep nor slumber. When we feel unappreciated, taken for granted (true, it hurts, disappoints, makes me want to quit. Or to hurt back the person.), remember that the Lord Almighty sees them all. Our effort, time, tears, frustration, disappointment, loneliness, what we gave up - He knows and has seen what we've done. Even when we feel that no one appreciates us, the Lord does. Jesus cares!
If we set our objective with a worldly point of view,or that the person whom we do it for is a man, we'll surely tire. I ask myself, do I have to do this?? What's the point?
When I shift my goal, my objective, the person whom I do things for, to God, I feel that it is worth everything that I've done or gone through. He is worthy. God is worthy. No man is worthy of my whole-hearted efforts. Only God is worthy of it all. And much more.
Do I sound weird??
I was quite frustrated. Ya. Even bought some comfort food along the way home. Thank God that I'm running about 5-6 days per week, if not, I'd "bloom". Bah.
Feeling quite sad. But I'm resigned to my fate. I'd asked for it. But I'd remember Alvin's words, "Fix your eyes upon Jesus and you'll walk on water."
*Stares at Jesus*
Ha...I'm corny or what?
From different people, I've found that I've different sides to me. Some said that I am a quiet girl, good girl, gentle. Others said that I am noisy, can crap around alot, sporty. Or that I look like a business student. So....which one is the real Hazel?? Even I don't know.
God knows.
As all these questions ran through my mind, I feel that the answers lead to God. God knows. He's all-seeing. He does not sleep nor slumber. When we feel unappreciated, taken for granted (true, it hurts, disappoints, makes me want to quit. Or to hurt back the person.), remember that the Lord Almighty sees them all. Our effort, time, tears, frustration, disappointment, loneliness, what we gave up - He knows and has seen what we've done. Even when we feel that no one appreciates us, the Lord does. Jesus cares!
If we set our objective with a worldly point of view,or that the person whom we do it for is a man, we'll surely tire. I ask myself, do I have to do this?? What's the point?
When I shift my goal, my objective, the person whom I do things for, to God, I feel that it is worth everything that I've done or gone through. He is worthy. God is worthy. No man is worthy of my whole-hearted efforts. Only God is worthy of it all. And much more.
Do I sound weird??
I was quite frustrated. Ya. Even bought some comfort food along the way home. Thank God that I'm running about 5-6 days per week, if not, I'd "bloom". Bah.
Feeling quite sad. But I'm resigned to my fate. I'd asked for it. But I'd remember Alvin's words, "Fix your eyes upon Jesus and you'll walk on water."
*Stares at Jesus*
Ha...I'm corny or what?
From different people, I've found that I've different sides to me. Some said that I am a quiet girl, good girl, gentle. Others said that I am noisy, can crap around alot, sporty. Or that I look like a business student. So....which one is the real Hazel?? Even I don't know.
God knows.
Light my path
10:53:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Friday, 3 June 2005
Ahhh....What can I say??? God is awesome. Amazing. Wonderful. Unbelievable. Beyond everything. Good. Great. God is all these and more, more than all the words that can used to describe the Lord.
For people who are reading my blog for the first time, you may think that I am a fanatic. I am not. I've merely experienced God's goodness. Sometimes, there are things that you just can't describe. Like air. Can you describe air to people? What does it look like? Taste like? Smell like? You can't, right? Same goes for me. God is simply good. Just like air is air.
It was a slow day at work, despite the crowds. Not many people bought things. When it was time for me to close the stall, sales was only $200.10. It is bad, especially on a friday and a school holiday. I'd thought that this is it. Just $200.10. But God proved otherwise. He brought many people to the stall. Though only 2 people bought stuff. They bought enough to raise the sales by a hundred dollars. Is God amazing or what??=D
It was then that I comprehended something. When it seems impossible for us, when we think that all is gone, that the dust has settled, God shows us how wrong we are. He sends a wind, to blow away the so-called settled dust, bring a new hope and an entirely different outcome. The Lord's ways are beyond the comprehension and understanding of a mere human, who is here today and gone the next day. God works out of boxes. He doesn't work within limits. No boundaries or limits are applicable to Him.
I am reminded of this verse:
For people who are reading my blog for the first time, you may think that I am a fanatic. I am not. I've merely experienced God's goodness. Sometimes, there are things that you just can't describe. Like air. Can you describe air to people? What does it look like? Taste like? Smell like? You can't, right? Same goes for me. God is simply good. Just like air is air.
It was a slow day at work, despite the crowds. Not many people bought things. When it was time for me to close the stall, sales was only $200.10. It is bad, especially on a friday and a school holiday. I'd thought that this is it. Just $200.10. But God proved otherwise. He brought many people to the stall. Though only 2 people bought stuff. They bought enough to raise the sales by a hundred dollars. Is God amazing or what??=D
It was then that I comprehended something. When it seems impossible for us, when we think that all is gone, that the dust has settled, God shows us how wrong we are. He sends a wind, to blow away the so-called settled dust, bring a new hope and an entirely different outcome. The Lord's ways are beyond the comprehension and understanding of a mere human, who is here today and gone the next day. God works out of boxes. He doesn't work within limits. No boundaries or limits are applicable to Him.
I am reminded of this verse:
" 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,'
declares the LORD.
'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways
'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9
As some things happened today, I am reminded that "it is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man". (Psalm 118:8) How true it is!! So very often we forget it! There is no one in this world who will not let us down. We too, at times, whether we mean to or not, will let others down too. Family, loved ones, friends, children and co-workers, no matter how close we may be, to them, they'll still let us down. One way or the other. Yet, we often fall into the trap that, as long as it is our loved ones, close friends or family, this person or people will not let us down or disappoint us. How wrong, this way of thinking is!! No one is perfect, except for God, so no one can ever live up to the expectations of others, they will fail others.
It is better to depend on God than on man.
My God is my strength and shield. My everlasting goodness. I will yet praise the Lord forevermore.
Light my path
11:05:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
Wednesday, 1 June 2005
Ahh.....I hadn't want to blog...too lazy...but I am bored...Need to while away some time before going for a jog....Gah....
Hmmm..remember that I mentioned I'd 2 TLs (Team Leaders)?? Well, the TL closer to my age has applied for a transfer. Yesterday might be the last time I work with him. I said 'might', because the transfer may not go through. It seems like he really can't stand working with my manager...
I'd looked at the schedule for this month. I am not looking forward to the days when I'd have to work with my manager...If my TL leaves, out of the 8days I work, 4 days will be spent with my manager...Arrggghhh.......
I'd pray that my TL's apply for transfer is not appproved, but I won't. I can't be so selfish, to wish that this TL would stay on, just so that I won't have to work with the manager. Then. my TL would be suffering. Haiz. We'll see how things turn out. Thank God that I am only a part-timer. I can always quit whenever I want. Heh.
Just hope that wherever he ends up, things will work out. In a way, we are sort of in the same boat. We were both in the same faculty when we studied in poly. Our reasons and circumstances are more or less similiar too. He's a nice guy. Quite sensitive, I don't mean emotional, but he will do nice things. Help me with stuff and do the things that I'm supposed to do..bleah..print out my schedule for me...yup..
Hmm...drinking Vitagen now...By the way, what's the different in taste between Yakult & Vitagen?? I'd bought a packet of Vitagen last wednesday, gave one bottle to Ronny, and he commented that Yakult is nicer. (Treat him to a drink and he had the gall to complain, heh!!!!!!!!) hmm...What do you think? Which one's nicer? I don't know as I hadn't drank both in years...
Ah....I most probably would be posted back to Jurong Point to work. Haiz. Sad. Think about the transport fees, expensive food, having to wake up early, crime rate and nasty people....
All these make me sigh, sigh and sigh. Haiz. HAIZ. HAIZ. HAIZZ...
HAIIIIIIZZ......
HAIZ.
Well, I guess I have no say in the matter. And I definitely won't be bringing this up to my boss. Ya, a bit of me is acting cowardly...I just don't like making a mountain out of a molehole. Creating trouble out of nothing. I'll see how. It'd be great if I can stay where I am now. If I am really going back there, well, I'd accept it...=) I have to thank God for providing this job, how can I be ungrateful and complain about where I'd be posted?? Besides, my boss is a very good master..=)
On what grounds do I have, to complain?=D
Feeling sleepy now...
Zzzz........
I've downloaded a RPG game. It is quite fun. Ah...you'd be thinking, there SY goes again, going ga-ga over her game, not doing QT, don't eat, sleep very little, just to play the game. Well, you are wrong. Yup.
Know why?
Well, it's not like I am restraining myself. But the game...arrgghhh......is not easy to play. It has many hidden pathways, roads and all that. I wasted alot of time trying to figure out where's the exit. I am now at the 3rd level. Stuck. STUCK..........................
Haiz.
What a bummer.
Ah...it's time...
It is now 1439. Time to prepare to go jogging, though all I want to do is sleep.
Duh.
P/S: Remember to keep Ronny & I in your prayers as we do our stuff...Thanks!
Hmmm..remember that I mentioned I'd 2 TLs (Team Leaders)?? Well, the TL closer to my age has applied for a transfer. Yesterday might be the last time I work with him. I said 'might', because the transfer may not go through. It seems like he really can't stand working with my manager...
I'd looked at the schedule for this month. I am not looking forward to the days when I'd have to work with my manager...If my TL leaves, out of the 8days I work, 4 days will be spent with my manager...Arrggghhh.......
I'd pray that my TL's apply for transfer is not appproved, but I won't. I can't be so selfish, to wish that this TL would stay on, just so that I won't have to work with the manager. Then. my TL would be suffering. Haiz. We'll see how things turn out. Thank God that I am only a part-timer. I can always quit whenever I want. Heh.
Just hope that wherever he ends up, things will work out. In a way, we are sort of in the same boat. We were both in the same faculty when we studied in poly. Our reasons and circumstances are more or less similiar too. He's a nice guy. Quite sensitive, I don't mean emotional, but he will do nice things. Help me with stuff and do the things that I'm supposed to do..bleah..print out my schedule for me...yup..
Hmm...drinking Vitagen now...By the way, what's the different in taste between Yakult & Vitagen?? I'd bought a packet of Vitagen last wednesday, gave one bottle to Ronny, and he commented that Yakult is nicer. (Treat him to a drink and he had the gall to complain, heh!!!!!!!!) hmm...What do you think? Which one's nicer? I don't know as I hadn't drank both in years...
Ah....I most probably would be posted back to Jurong Point to work. Haiz. Sad. Think about the transport fees, expensive food, having to wake up early, crime rate and nasty people....
All these make me sigh, sigh and sigh. Haiz. HAIZ. HAIZ. HAIZZ...
HAIIIIIIZZ......
HAIZ.
Well, I guess I have no say in the matter. And I definitely won't be bringing this up to my boss. Ya, a bit of me is acting cowardly...I just don't like making a mountain out of a molehole. Creating trouble out of nothing. I'll see how. It'd be great if I can stay where I am now. If I am really going back there, well, I'd accept it...=) I have to thank God for providing this job, how can I be ungrateful and complain about where I'd be posted?? Besides, my boss is a very good master..=)
On what grounds do I have, to complain?=D
Feeling sleepy now...
Zzzz........
I've downloaded a RPG game. It is quite fun. Ah...you'd be thinking, there SY goes again, going ga-ga over her game, not doing QT, don't eat, sleep very little, just to play the game. Well, you are wrong. Yup.
Know why?
Well, it's not like I am restraining myself. But the game...arrgghhh......is not easy to play. It has many hidden pathways, roads and all that. I wasted alot of time trying to figure out where's the exit. I am now at the 3rd level. Stuck. STUCK..........................
Haiz.
What a bummer.
Ah...it's time...
It is now 1439. Time to prepare to go jogging, though all I want to do is sleep.
Duh.
P/S: Remember to keep Ronny & I in your prayers as we do our stuff...Thanks!
Light my path
2:02:00 pm
youdrovemydarknessaway`-//*
the girl
An easy-going gal who thinks and agonizes too much. Weird personality. Not an easy person to love, but desires to be loved. Jesus Christ is my Lord!
addicts
chocolate. reading. writing.
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"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:30
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Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9
A psalm of David.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know"
Jeremiah 33:3